Post # 1
Is it rude for people to leave before the bride and groom?
Here’s our timeline. My Fiance thinks we should do our exit earlier….but my parents are dropping us off at our hotel. I don’t want to just go outside and hang out, hiding! What do you think?
7 guests go inside for dinner
715 cake cutting, arrival of wedding party
730 dinner served
815-830 first dances
1030 last song
1045 grand exit
11 everyone leaves
My Fi said: "Looks good, but i think we have to make our grand exit earlier than that, even if it means we just have to hang out and hide. people are considered rude if they leave before the bride and groom and it’s ignorant of us to keep them there that late in my opinion. It all depends on timing and how it works out. If at any point after dancing people get restless, we should leave"
Frankly, our ceremony is at 6pm. People are ONLY going to be at this place from 530-11pm, with only 2.5 hours of dancing. I don’t think it’s rude of us to stay til 1045! Am I misinformed about etiquette? Or is my Fiance too old fashioned?
Post # 3
Maybe I’m wrong, but I thought the only rule about leaving was that no guests should leave before the cake cutting. Most weddings I’ve been to haven’t even have a "grand exit"…I’m not sure people will be waiting for it.
Post # 4
I really think it depends on your cultural background. I know that in my culture, there isn’t even such a thing as a "grand exit". The bride and groom and their parents are the hosts of the party and therefore should be the last to leave after bidding their guests good-bye – that’s the way I was brought up and that’s the way all the weddings i’ve been to have progressed. I do know that in the US it’s customary for the B&G to have a grand exit and, unless there will be many little ones, I don’t see why your guests would need to leave before 10:45. I think you’re okay(but then I also wouldn’t be offended if people left early).
Post # 5
I think it all depends on the family as well as your cultural background as well. I personally do not think it is rude to leave prior to the B & G’s grand exit if there even is one. There were no grand exits for the weddings I have attended.
What I did think was rude or strange was at my Boyfriend or Best Friend wedding, 80% of her guests left around 10:30 PM and the wedding was scheduled until 11:30 PM. The bride was a little disappointed but it didn’t ruin the day because then she got to spend more time with the remaining guests.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I don’t think it’s rude. I’ve been to several weddings where I left before the bride & groom – i had to. For one, I was moving across the country the very next day. I literally had to go home and pack up the dress I was wearing. lol. Another, I had traveled 3 hours by car to be there, and needed to drive home that same evening. And for Mrs. and Mr. Cherry Pie’s wedding, I left at like 10 pm. Mr. MJ and I, and one of the groomsmen who didn’t feel well (along with his FI), were the only people who left on that first school-bus shuttle. I felt bad but we did have to drive 22 hours home the next day, so we really needed to turn in.
In any circumstance where I need to leave early, I let the bride and groom know before the wedding day and give them an honest and reasonable reason why I won’t be staying. They’ve always been understanding.
Post # 7
Is it just me that noticed you are cutting the cake before dinner or the first dance? I am thinking that might be a typo; I have never seen that order before. Oh, I don’t think it is too late for you to leave then!
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s rude either. I’m no expert – never been to a wedding with a grand exit – but it seems a little silly to me that it’d be considered rude for a guest to leave.
Post # 9
Sorry that didn’t make sense – I don’t think it is rude for guests to leave before your grand exit. We are not having an exit, but really, guests should be allowed to leave when they choose.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
@flbeachbride – one of my friends did it in that order; they figured it’d be best to do it while everyone was first sat down, enjoying their cocktails — before the mingling and partying began.
Post # 11
My Fiance said he asked around and that his office said that it’s a general rule that people wait for us to leave. I’m confused, we are not asking our guests to be around all day long! It’s not like our wedding’s at 2pm or something. The ceremony/reception is literally at the same place. He said we should be prepared to leave anywhere from 10-1045. I am NOT leaving at 10pm. That’s ABSURD. Even if his family leaves (old people, go figure) my friends will still be there and i plan on dancing and having fun. I think leaving a reception at 10pm when teh ceremony STARTS at 6pm is cutting it awfully short.
We’re not paying all this money to a) be shortchanged on our reception time and b) feel like we have to leave early.
Even if all the guests leave early and all that’s left is my bridal party and family, i still want to stay and dance party it up
For a guy who gets offended when I tell him his family lacks etiquette (if you’ve seen my other posts) and that i’m a stickler for stuff, he’s pushing this kind of hard. He can wait one more hour in my opinion.
Good to know i’m not being the one lacking in proper etiquette though, seeing as how i’m a stickler and all.
Post # 12
Well, I’m not sure when to cut the cake. At one wedding, the cake was cut as soon as the couple came in. It gave the reception hall time to cut it all up. It was served immediatley after dinner.
At another wedding, it was cut later and served halfway through the reception. We’re having an open bar. I don’t want it ignored because peopel are drunk. Maybe drunk cake-eating is better though. haha. So, yeah, I also thought about doing it sometime later…..i don’t know.
That’s just a generic timeline for now. I just haven’t set it in stone yet. I guess I’ll need to look around a little more.
Post # 13
Thanks Miss Maryjane! It’s is interesting how different cultures/regions have so many different customs, like my FI’s family had never heard of doign a toast or prayer before dinner, and I have never been to a wedding that didn’t have a prayer before dinner. It is extremely interesting to see all of these in practice. Does the whole cake get cut then though, or is the rest saved until later? I would think it would wait since the cake slices may not be as moist as when they are freshly cut; however, I have never refused cake before dinner.
Post # 14
I’ve never heard of it being rude to leave before a grand exit, only before cake cutting….But, I’ve never been to a wedding where they did a grand exit.
Post # 15
Uh oh – by most standards Fiance and I are rude. I’ve only been to a couple weddings but we’ve always (except for FI’s sisters wedding but that’s different) left before the grand exit. I don’t think it’s rude at all, if someone has to leave for whatever reason they shouldn’t feel bad for leaving. Just my opinion though. 🙂
Post # 16
I’m with several other posters, I thought it was rude to leave only before the cake cutting. What if you have older relatives who can’t or don’t want to stay all night, or people with younger children?
I think you’re fine on the etiquette in this case. Good luck!