(Closed) Is it rude not to ask back?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No, you do need to ask her to be in your wedding.

Post # 4
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

One turn does not translate to another in this case, and just because you were in her wedding does not mean you are obligated in any way to ask her to be in yours….don’t worry about it.

Post # 5
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You dont need to ask her. You’re not obligated just because she did. My SIL had me in hers, i wont be having her in mine. 

Maybe you could have her daughter as a flower girl? Otherwise i wouldn’t worry. 

Post # 6
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My cousin asked me to be in her wedding a few years ago and while I was honored, I never, ever planned to ask her to be in mine. We are just not close enough and I whole heartedly believe you shouldn’t have to ask someone to be in your wedding just because they had you in yours. I would just go about your planning and if she asks you about it just tell her that you were given so many bridesmaids to work with and that it was a hard decision to make but you decided to go with other cousin because you were much closer. Good luck!!!

My cousin, as far as I know, was never overly upset, just slightly disappointed. I did make it a point to tell her that she meant a lot to me and that if I had been able to have as many bridesmaids as I wanted she would’ve been one.

Post # 7
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was in someone’s wedding and I didn’t invite her to be in mine, but she had 7 bridesmaids (I was #7). Her #6 bridesmaid (my friend too) got married a couple years ago and didn’t invite this girl (or me) to be in her wedding either because she and her husband have 4 sisters and one female cousin who were the bridesmaids. I wanted to keep my number of bridesmaids low and if I invited her to be in my wedding I would also have had to invite #6.

I had only four bridesmaids (my three best friends and husband’s sister). There’s no way I would have wanted to schedule/buy for more than four. Also that girl, #6 and I were really close at the time of her wedding. Now we only see each other a couple times a year! 🙁

Post # 9
4980 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well first things first, did you guys ever talk about I will be in your wedding if you are in mine deal? I ask because about 10 years ago or so I was really good friends with this girl and we always said we would be in each others weddings as BM’s. I was in hers way back then.

Forward to last year, we are not that close anymore and I had asked to be something else in my wedding, she had accepted but got upset and declined… now we don’t talk at all and she is still miffed at me….

Post # 10
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

In your situation, I’d say not.

HOWEVER, when I got married, DH’s sister got PISSED beyond all belief when I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid because “you are supposed to ask your sister in law”.  So I asked her, to keep the peace.  She did not ask me to be one earlier this spring when she got married.  My situation, I think, was rude of her.

Post # 11
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would call her and explain the situation, i.e. you’re only having 2 BMs and you’re closer to the other cousin. I’m guessing the other cousin lives closer and so that’s a good justification. I’ve seen similar situations, in which the bride has explained her reasoning to the girl who misses out, and it’s been ok.

Speaking as a mother myself, I think she’d be thrilled if her daughter was a Flower Girl, and I at least would see that as more than enough “compensation”. But I’m not sure that’s a good idea if she’s very young. It sounds like she’ll be about 2. That’s too young to really do what she’s told in a wedding ceremony.

You may want to ask her to do a reading instead. It’s a fairly obvious “second prize”, but given the circumstances (she lives far away, you’re only having two BMs), that could be ok. (p.s. nothing wrong with 2 BMs, that’s what I had).

Post # 12
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@IrishBride14:  You definitely don’t need to include her in your wedding. I was bm forMary best friend a few years ago but she will not be mine. I plan on only having one- my sister as I want to keep things simple and she completely understands. I may have her little girl as flower girl but can’t decide as it will complicate matters for her. I think most (sensible) people would understand!!

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