Post # 1
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
Question, Bees: The dinner at our reception location includes two desserts, so I brought up the idea to Fiance last night that rather than get a whole cake that some people might not even eat because there’s two other dessert options, we only get a single small tier big enough for us to cut. He said that would be rude and that some people would be disappointed if they didn’t get to eat wedding cake. What do yall think? I’ve been to so many weddings where the cake is bad that I hardly ever grab a slice anymore, but if you went to a wedding where there were two desserts served but you didn’t get any wedding cake would you be disappointed and/or think that was rude? It’s not even about the money; I just don’t want a whole cake to go to waste if everyone’s going to eat the other desserts anyway!
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Depends who you ask. IMO, no way! I’d usually rather have another dessert than cake. But if you ask my mom, its totally rude. We had kind of this exact fight. I lost. We’re having cake. lol.
What are your other desserts? If it is something like pie, could you cut the pie rather than cutting the cake?
Post # 4
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
@CorgiTales:
It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at the menu, but if I remember correctly there’s five different options and we can choose from two. I remember one we were definitely going to do was peach cobbler because the peach cobbler at this place is AMAZING and I forget what the other one was. (You can tell I’m so detail oriented, LOL.) I don’t think it was anything cut-able though. Honestly, as long as there was some other dessert for me to eat, I totally wouldn’t think it was rude if the couple didn’t provide wedding cake! I figure kids are the only ones who spaz over cake and they can have at the tier after we cut into it for all I care.
Post # 5
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
Personally, I hate cake as does my FH. I would love to have a bunch of really good pies instead. If I had a smaller guest list I probably would, but 63 pies is a little much of an undertaking. No one is going to stop talking to you over not getting a piece of overpriced cake at your wedding. If they do, you’ll see your relationship in a more honest light.
Do what you feel is best for you and your FH. To answer your question, I’d see no harm in there not being cake…I never eat it anyway.
Post # 6
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee
Cake versus no-cake is not a manners-and-etiquette decision: it is a question of style and custom. You would not be “rude” to choose to go without cake. You would be flouting custom, which is fine. Many, many brides flout custom on many, many different issues. BUT if this custom is important to your husband-to-be, it might be one where you need to compromise. A tiny tiered cake set on a fancy stand might be enough for a ceremonial “first slice” of cake before the other desserts are served; and still leave enough cake for the relatively few people who want to take away a tiny slice to put under their pillow and dream of their future love will be be satisfied. It’s just a matter of guessing right how many people will want the cake, and making the tier the appropriate size, so that there aren’t the leftovers that you are worried about.
Post # 7
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
IMO, it’s appropriate to either have enough cake for guests to eat or not have cake at all. If you have older guests (grandparents, etc) they will likely be disappointed if you and your husband cut into a small cake but none is served to the guests.
Post # 8
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
We’re not have a traditional cake either. Since we’re getting married on a Thursday, our package come with sliced cake. My FH wanted a cake from a particular baker so I’m getting it for him as a grooms cake. See if you can compromise with FH by just having a smaller one. Maybe two tiers. If you seperate them and maybe add some flowers, it will look like more than what it is.
Edit: To answer your question, no, I would not be dissappointed. I might worry that I would hurt your feelings if I didn’t want the wedding cake and would prefer the cobbler.
Post # 9
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
My mother definitely thinks it’s rude not to have cake. We are having a big table with a selection of small pastries and a one tier cake to appease the mom for cutting sake.
Post # 10
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
Will your venue allow you to have a small, pretty decorated cake to cut and a plain sheet cake in the back? Plain, undecorated sheet cakes aren’t expensive, and they can be cut and distributed to any guests who would like to eat cake.
I don’t think it is rude to skip the cake, but I think a sheet cake in the back is a good compromise between you and your Fiance as long as your venue will allow it.
Post # 11
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t think it would be RUDE, but I’d be sad to not have wedding cake. Especialy if you cut one…I think if you are going to skip the cake, then totally skip the cake. If you are going to cut a cake, I think you should give guests the option of eating some.
I think if you did a small cake, and then gave people of choice of one of the venue desserts or wedding cake that might be a good compromise.
Post # 12
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
We’ll be cutting a cake and not serving it! Our wedding cake will be a miniature Fenway Park (cake-cutting song: Sweet Caroline, we’ll put on our Sox hats too). Everyone will get to see it, and of course they’ll watch us cut it, but our dessert is a pastry table instead of cake. I don’t think anyone will notice, or care if they do. As others have said, this has nothing to do with etiquette, and everything to do with personal style.
Post # 13
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
Thanks girls! I guess I’ll probably end up doing a cake for everyone then. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and there’s enough “traditions” we’re forgoing that I guess I can compromise on this one.
Post # 14
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
IMO, it would seem a little odd to cut a cake, but not actually serve cake. I also think it would be a little on the rude side if you had a small cake and served, say, just the head table, or just the parents’ tables (because that was all the cake you had).
If you want to skip the cake, is there a way you can transform the “cake cutting” tradition into something else – like feeding each other cobbler?
Post # 15
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
I agree with professorbee. Just have a small cake for the two of you to cut and serve sheet cake for the guests. They’ll never know the difference, and lots of them wont eat it anyways, since you are having 2 other desserts. It would be a waste of money to buy a “wedding cake” when guests will already be full from the other dessets.
Post # 16
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
I think you’re more than covered if you have two other desserts. No one is going to want cake after eating cobbler anyways. I recently went to a wedding that had cookies with their initials on them because the bride and groom both hate cake, and I didn’t hear anyone grumbling about it. 🙂 If you’r really worried about it, you could always do the small sheet cake idea EmEv is talking about just to ease any concerns you or your future hubby might have.
