(Closed) Is it Rude Not to Have Cake?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Depends who you ask. IMO, no way! I’d usually rather have another dessert than cake. But if you ask my mom, its totally rude. We had kind of this exact fight. I lost. We’re having cake. lol. 

What are your other desserts? If it is something like pie, could you cut the pie rather than cutting the cake? 

Post # 5
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Personally, I hate cake as does my FH. I would love to have a bunch of really good pies instead. If I had a smaller guest list I probably would, but 63 pies is a little much of an undertaking. No one is going to stop talking to you over not getting a piece of overpriced cake at your wedding. If they do, you’ll see your relationship in a more honest light.

Do what you feel is best for you and your FH. To answer your question, I’d see no harm in there not being cake…I never eat it anyway.

Post # 6
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Cake versus no-cake is not a manners-and-etiquette decision: it is a question of style and custom. You would not be “rude” to choose to go without cake. You would be flouting custom, which is fine. Many, many brides flout custom on many, many different issues. BUT if this custom is important to your husband-to-be, it might be one where you need to compromise. A tiny tiered cake set on a fancy stand might be enough for a ceremonial “first slice” of cake before the other desserts are served; and still leave enough cake for the relatively few people who want to take away a tiny slice to put under their pillow and dream of their future love will be be satisfied. It’s just a matter of guessing right how many people will want the cake, and making the tier the appropriate size, so that there aren’t the leftovers that you are worried about.

Post # 7
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

IMO, it’s appropriate to either have enough cake for guests to eat or not have cake at all.  If you have older guests (grandparents, etc) they will likely be disappointed if you and your husband cut into a small cake but none is served to the guests.

Post # 8
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We’re not have a traditional cake either. Since we’re getting married on a Thursday, our package come with sliced cake. My FH wanted a cake from a particular baker so I’m getting it for him as a grooms cake. See if you can compromise with FH by just having a smaller one. Maybe two tiers. If you seperate them and maybe add some flowers, it will look like more than what it is.

Edit: To answer your question, no, I would not be dissappointed. I might worry that I would hurt your feelings if I didn’t want the wedding cake and would prefer the cobbler.


Post # 9
527 posts
Busy bee

My mother definitely thinks it’s rude not to have cake.  We are having a big table with a selection of small pastries and a one tier cake to appease the mom for cutting sake.

Post # 10
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Will your venue allow you to have a small, pretty decorated cake to cut and a plain sheet cake in the back?  Plain, undecorated sheet cakes aren’t expensive, and they can be cut and distributed to any guests who would like to eat cake.


I don’t think it is rude to skip the cake, but I think a sheet cake in the back is a good compromise between you and your Fiance as long as your venue will allow it.

Post # 11
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t think it would be RUDE, but I’d be sad to not have wedding cake. Especialy if you cut one…I think if you are going to skip the cake, then totally skip the cake.  If you are going to cut a cake, I think you should give guests the option of eating some.

I think if you did a small cake, and then gave people of choice of one of the venue desserts or wedding cake that might be a good compromise.

Post # 12
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We’ll be cutting a cake and not serving it! Our wedding cake will be a miniature Fenway Park (cake-cutting song: Sweet Caroline, we’ll put on our Sox hats too). Everyone will get to see it, and of course they’ll watch us cut it, but our dessert is a pastry table instead of cake. I don’t think anyone will notice, or care if they do. As others have said, this has nothing to do with etiquette, and everything to do with personal style.

Post # 14
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

IMO, it would seem a little odd to cut a cake, but not actually serve cake. I also think it would be a little on the rude side if you had a small cake and served, say, just the head table, or just the parents’ tables (because that was all the cake you had).

If you want to skip the cake, is there a way you can transform the “cake cutting” tradition into something else – like feeding each other cobbler?

Post # 15
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with professorbee. Just have a small cake for the two of you to cut and serve sheet cake for the guests.  They’ll never know the difference, and lots of them wont eat it anyways, since you are having 2 other desserts.  It would be a waste of money to buy a “wedding cake” when guests will already be full from the other dessets.


Post # 16
3253 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you’re more than covered if you have two other desserts. No one is going to want cake after eating cobbler anyways. I recently went to a wedding that had cookies with their initials on them because the bride and groom both hate cake, and I didn’t hear anyone grumbling about it. 🙂 If you’r really worried about it, you could always do the small sheet cake idea EmEv is talking about just to ease any concerns you or your future hubby might have.

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