(Closed) Is it Rude Not to Have Cake?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee

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@professorbee: I was having this same conversation with my venue and they suggested it. I hate cake. Fiance does too. We love NY cheesecake. My family and his family love cake. We are cutting a decorated cake with a sheet cake in the back and having a dessert bar. I wouldn’t have cake if it were up to me. I think this is a good option if your venue allows it.

Post # 18
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

By no means is it rude to not have cake. However, some might consider it rude if you actually cut a cake and there’s not enough to go around for those who want it. Keep in mind that many people feel like you do, though, and would much rather have the cobbler or whatever else you’re serving over the cake. (I would be one of them.) So you don’t have to have enough cake to serve everyone.

I think you have a couple of options here that would make everyone happy:

1) You could cut the cake, and just have enough for maybe 60-70% of the guests. (Maybe ask the venue to cut the pieces smaller than usual, since some guests might want to try more than one dessert.)

2) You could cut the cobbler instead, which would in essence make that your official dessert. Then the cake could probably be even smaller.

We are having pie as our main dessert (Key lime pie for a wedding in the Florida Keys), and we will use pie for our cutting ceremony. However, FH’s grandma is a huge cake fan and very traditional about weddings. So instead of a groom’s cake, we will havea small, traditional wedding cake and label it “grandma’s cake.” I’m going to get one that will serve maybe 20-25% of guests because many people have told me they love the pie idea.

Post # 20
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

I went to a wedding where they had a cake for themselves (not big enough for everyone, but more than just a few pieces for the couple) and they did not serve us any cake. Not even sheet cake. I was pretty bummed about it..

And I seriously disagree with people who say no one would want cake when other desserts are an option 🙂 I LOVE cake!

Post # 21
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think its rude to not have cake.  Just as much as I don’t think its rude to not throw my flowers at a bunch of single women for every to gawk at, lol!  I also don’t think its rude to not have everyone watch my hubby clamour around under my dress for a garter and then throw my intimate clothing to his buddies.  Some traditions just don’t fit into my life and I really don’t care about how others at my wedding would feel about it.  Is that awful?  If my Mom was ‘sad’ at not seeing me cut a cake then I would think she should pull herself together, lol.  There are lots of things to get sad about in this world – hunger, oil consumption, war – not having cake is not an acceptable one, imo.

My wedding is a celebration of us and will reflect that.  If my Nana feels slighted because I don’t have a flower girl than I trust she can put her big girl pants on and come to terms with it. Smile  But then, she would tell me the same, so I guess I know where I get it.

To be honest, a lot of wedding cakes are not great (but look pretty) and I am just not a cake person.  I find a choice of dessert to sound very elegant and sophisticated.

Post # 22
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@luckyprincess: LMAO… totally agree with you on “what to be sad about,” and your plan is not awful at all! We are also skipping the flower-flinging and garter-diving, to the horror of at least one of my friends. Doesn’t fit me, either. (I used to hide in bathrooms when I sensed the bouquet-throwing was about to commence.) I also refuse to be “announced” to 80 of my closest friends and family members. Shouldn’t they know who we are? I’ll be the one in white, and he’ll be the one holding my hand! LOL Fortunately, my mom doesn’t live her life according to other people’s expectations, either, so she’s excited that my wedding will be unique and original and not like every other wedding she’s been to. (Yep, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!)

Post # 23
Member
4136 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

if it were me, i would have sheet cake in the back. but this is your wedding. some people aren’t going to like your choices and think some things are rude or tacky no matter what you do, so do what you want!

Post # 24
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yeah, I’d do the sheet cake thing too.

Post # 25
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just don’t understand why you’d be OK with not cutting the cake on your wedding day! It’s your one chance – so even if you get a small cake for just the 2 of you and cupcakes or sheetcake for the guests I say go for the cake for traditions sake!

Post # 27
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

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@moderndaisy:

I am pretty sure I’ll have countless times where we will be cutting cakes for the rest of our lives, lol.  Who cares anyway about a cake cutting tradition?  I mean – its just a silly tradition and many people find them meaningless.  I also don’t care about garter belt tossing, bouquet tossing, recieving lines….just rituals that have nothing to do with my (and lots of other couples’) life. 

I can’t understand how someone WOULD be ok with doing strange little rituals on their wedding day but I certainly wouldn’t tell everyone to not do them.  If people like that tradition then go for it!  But to seem incredulous about it is odd to me.

Post # 28
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think it is rude but at the same time, when I go to a wedding I want some wedding cake! lol. It isn’t a huge deal, just something special you can only get at a wedding.

Post # 29
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think people would get confused if you had a cake to cut for the two of you and no one else. Can you get a small amount of cake that will feed like a third of the guests? My opinion is that if your not having any cake for the guests than it would also be better to not cut a cake. Maybe you can cut one of the other desserts to still have that memory.

Post # 30
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

It is not rude to choose to Not have any cake, but it is completely rude to have a cake and not offer it to your guests.  That being said, I think it is fully acceptable for you to have a small cake, and just have it available for those who want to eat it!

Post # 31
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Okay, you’ve all completely lost me here. I’m a major stickler for etiquette (I even write a column about it…) and I don’t find it rude or inappropriate in the slightest to cut a small cake and not serve it — provided there are other desserts available.

In our case, the cake is sort of a gag, since it’s in the shape of a baseball stadium. There will be a huge table of desserts for the guests to enjoy — gourmet pastries, fruits, and other delectable treats — and it will be clear that the cake is just something funny and representative of us, not something for everyone to eat.

Once cut, it’s going to disappear into the back room, to be saved and served at whatever after-party my future in-laws decide to put together. My fiance and I do not like most cake in general, and wedding cake in particular, so we jumped at the chance to do something quirky and creative with our desserts. With the table and the Fenway cake, we’ve covered our guests’ appetites for both tradition and taste.

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