Post # 1
I literally just started planning my wedding and all I’ve done so far is think about who I should invite. Most of my family is my age or older and very few of them have small children, although some of my friends who I want to invite will have small children.
Would it be really rude or mean to ask that no one under 16 attend? I don’t want to leave their kids out but I would just die if the ceremony or reception traditions were interrupted or messed up due to children misbehaving or babies crying, and there will almost certainly be a bar so I don’t want the really young ones there.
Did you have kids at your wedding? Is it awful to ask for no kids? Would you be upset if you were invited to a wedding but not your little kids?
Post # 3
@MittenZ: No, it is not rude. It is your wedding. Plan how you like!
Post # 4
@MittenZ: We didn’t explicitly say we didn’t want children, but we only addressed the invites to the parents. It is a cocktail-style wedding so there is absolutely nothing for children to do, nor is it an appropriate environment. We don’t even have flower girls, or children IN the wedding.
However, my fiance and I decided that if people ask (in case someone is unable to find a babysitter or something else), we would tell them it is fine to bring them, we just wouldn’t “promote” it, for lack of a better term. I would rather have parents bring their child than the whole family not show at all. If they ask and you truly don’t want them to bring their kids, just stress that is will be an adult drinking environment, and you’re concerned that it would not be appropriate, they’d be bored, or something along those lines. They SHOULD catch your drift. My wording was poor, but you know what I mean (:
Post # 5
Nope it is not rude. Especially if you are throwing a more formal, adult-oriented event. For example if you were holding your reception at a children’s museum it would be odd not to invite children as opposed to holding your reception at a winery.
1. The rule must apply to everyone equally. If you say no under 16s, you mean no under 16s. Not just the kids you like, or just your niece/nephew- no kids means no kids.
2. You have to expect that some guests may decline your invitation.
3. You must make it very clear. For example adressing envelops to the attendees only (Mr & Mrs Brown. Mr Smith & Ms White) and including numbers of guests on the RSVP would help too.
Post # 6
I haven’t made the invitations yet obviously but I figured they would read something along the lines of Dear Mr. and Mrs. SoandSo, we request the presence of you at our wedding. Please RSVP and then at the bottom a note that our wedding is an event for those only 16 and older.
Post # 7
We had young kids at our wedding, but only because it was a casual affair. If we had had a more formal wedding, we probably would not have included kids. Most of our friends actually chose to get sitters because they wanted to be able to just enjoy the day and celebrate with us.
Post # 8
I would be strict about the 16 and older rule, not many people I would be inviting would have children in the limbo age range anyways, most of my friends and family either have no kids or little kids at this time.
Post # 9
We are having no children.. mainly because there are so few young children on my side of the family, and we don’t expect much of fi’s family to trek the 2500+ miles to our wedding.
We have some friends who’s kids are AWFUL, they steal things all the time and just create a ruckus… i’d rather not have them there at all.
Post # 10
@MittenZ: if there are no family children and no children in the wedding and it’s an evening affair etc I think the no children thing would be easy. If you have people with children travelling I would offer to help find sitters.
We’re having kids because 90% of our guests are from out of town and they almost all have children, I can’t imagine asking them to travel and leave the kids behind. Many of the children will be under the age of 1 at the wedding (which could be problematic, but at the same time, I really don’t care if a kid cries and I know my friends will get up and leave with said crying child).
We’re going to have an area for children at the reception with games and colouring and they’re getting kid friendly favours as well to hopefully keep them amused.
Post # 11
Hm, family and friends will be coming in from out of town but I cannot afford to help with sitters. It’s not a long drive though, they could go home that night. And there’s not that many of them with small kids. I honestly don’t want to pay for kids, and I don’t want kids making messes, being loud, etc. Plus I don’t know if they have rules about alcohol in venues with small children and don’t even want to fuss with it.
Post # 12
@MittenZ: It is not rude to not extend an invitation to children.
The rude part would be stating who is not invited on the invitation. Invitations are sent to those who are invited, not those who aren’t.
Address the invitation by name to those invited, indicate how many seats you are reserving on the rsvp card, then deal with anyone who writes in extra names.
“I’m sorry, there must have been some misunderstanding. The invitation was for you and your husband. We are not able to accomodate extra people at the venue. I’m sure you will understand.”
Post # 13
I guess we can always put like, please rsvp by placing a check next to your name, thank you! And only have spots for the names of the people invited? I don’t know if it’s rude to indicate that it’s only for those 16 and older.
Post # 14
@MittenZ: we didnt have kids at our wedding. The only kids were the Flower Girl & Ring Bearer
i dont think its rude at all. And if i had kids, i would not be offended. Kids will be kids and Sometimes cranky. And i wouldnt want my child to ruin their ceremony or wedding bc they decided to throw a fit or are tired. i would take advantage of it. Its one night that we could enjoy with eachother.
Post # 15
Firstly – congratulations!
And in answer to your question – It’s not rude, but some people feel it is; so be ready for back lash. But I think its reasonable to ask for no children. It’s your day!
Post # 16
I don’t know if I will get backlash. I hope not. Even if I do I won’t change it. I don’t want kids at my wedding, period. It’s not that I hate thier kids, it’s that I wnt my wedding to be without interruptions caused by children and I don’t want to have alcohol and drinking around small kids.