(Closed) Is it rude to ask for small children not to be present during the ceremony?

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

If you don’t want kids at your wedding then don’t invite them.  Problem solved

But if you are inviting them there is no way to politely ask people with children to remove them before you start walking down the aisle.  That is insane.  A child crying is not going to ruin anything.  And most parents, when their child starts to get fussy or begins crying will get up and remove them from the room.  However, when you invite children then you run the risk of one of them crying during your ceremony.  It is just how kids work.

Post # 3
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

Why dont you have a child free wedding. We are having no kids at the wedding.

1/2 because it was way too expensive (If all our friends brought their kids their would be 47 EXTRA guests) and 1/2 because we would have tipped over our max capacity for the venue. 

Post # 4
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think if you say kids can come to the reception but not the ceremony, it will mean that parents of small children just skip the ceremony and come to the reception. If that’s something that bothers you, I would invite them to everything, or have a child free wedding (although some parents may opt to stay home if it’s a child free wedding).

Post # 5
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Hire babysitters for the ceremony.

Post # 6
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee

My family has been hosting adult only weddings since I was a kid – the late 1960s.

Post # 7
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Butterfly6:  That really won’t solve OPs ‘problem.’  A lot of parents aren’t thrilled dropping their kids off with a stranger.  Many will probably straight up refuse the services.  Also, if you have invited children they should be allowed to attend the ceremony.  To say, “yes your kid is invited, however I don’t want them in the ceremony because they may cry” is rude.  You either invite kids, and realize that someone may start crying and then you just trust the parents to deal.  Or you just not invite kids at all.  Inviting kids and then telling their parents that they have to hand them over for the ceremony is beyond ridiculous.  Your wedding will not be ruined by a crying child.

Post # 8
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

And my opinion is coming from a place where a child began crying during my ceremony.  My 18 month old niece began crying as soon as I got to the alter.  Instead of being pissed, I actually found it quite hilarious because she literally picked the quietest moment to start crying.  Her Dad quickly whisked her away and the ceremony continued without a problem.

Post # 9
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

The bigger question is what type of parents your guests are. There have been kids at every wedding I’ve ever been to, and if they cry or fuss during the ceremony or speeches then their parents simply remove them. No drama. There was one exception I always remember though… this awful, rude woman who took her baby to one of my friend’s weddings, and let them cry throughout the speeches. Everyone was really unimpressed. She got a lot of evils.

Only you know what type of parents your guests are, but I would hope that they would be considerate enough to remove their offspring if they were being a nuisance. If not, you could certainly reconsider inviting them…

Post # 10
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

In my personal opinion, it is rude not to allow children at the ceremony but allow them at the reception. That might just be me.

It depends whose children they are too, and how many would be there if allowed. 

I understand where you’re coming from, but I don’t think this is something you need to worry about! The parents should be able to handle the kids!

We are allowing children at ours, because we only have 4 young children and 2 teenagers in the family at the moment. On the Wedding day, they will be 2, 3, 5 and 7 (teenagers will both be 15). I am quite confident there will be no screaming.

At my brother’s wedding, his daughter was just under 1 and she was good as gold, despite not being with her parents. She had a little grumble so I just got up with her and stood at the side of the room rocking her. She soon quietened down.

If they’re not family, I would say have a child free wedding and accept that some friends may not be able to attend. If they are nieces/nephews/siblings then I think you need to have them and deal with the fact they might cry.

Post # 11
Member
8028 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Either have a child free wedding, or have kids there the whole time. You can’t ask parents to not have the kids at the ceremony and then expect them to bring them to the reception.

Post # 12
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - New Orleans, LA

View original reply
freckles071611:  to be fair, i don’t think OP said in her original post that she expected parents to remove their children or hand them over right before she starts walking down the aisle.  She said she didnt know how to ask people not to bring them all together. 

With that being said, you either have a child-free wedding or you allow them, but there is no inbetween, i.e. having them ONLY at the reception.  That won’t work.  I agree with OP, that having a screaming child in the pews wouldn’t exactly be ideal, but you will definitely have to leave it to the parents to handle the situation with the child.

Post # 13
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with PPs.  Either have a completley kid free wedding (ceremony and reception), or have kids at both.  I think it’s very rude to ask parents to not bring kids to the ceremony, but allow them at the reception.  Logistically that just doesn’t make sense for the parents.

Post # 14
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

No it is not rude at all to request that. I have been to a couple of weddings where parents have shown zero consideration for the bride and groom by watching their toddlers scream and shout, looking down fondly at them with a glow of pride at how entertaining and lively they are, scanning the room with a grin- “hey, look how cute my brat is”. At one wedding the child was throwing coins in the aisle and the parents were indulging it by pointing at them and indicating for the kid to cross the aisle to collect the coins.  It is totally socially unacceptable and part of the precious parenting syndrome I see all around me these days. It is not the child’s fault.

I’ve also been to weddings where people holding babies have sat close to the back and leap up to remove the child as soon as it was clear the child was not going to hush up, even though they themselves ended up missing the ceremony. That was very selfless and considerate.

We are having only our own small groups of nieces/nephews at our ceremony, and we know our siblings will control them. if you are not sure what kind of parents you are inviting, I wouldn’t take the risk.

 

Post # 15
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

 

View original reply
freckles071611:  I see what you are saying. I was assuming that OP would have it as an option for parents and then they can either decide to come to the ceremony or go to the reception if they are not comfortable with the idea. But at least there is the option.

PERSONALLY, I dont see the paranoia about leaving kids with a stranger. I assume the person would be licensed. They will be at the ceremony site. Parents leave their kids at daycare all the time, etc.  But again, if as a parent, you’re not comfortable, then I would be glad she provided an option.

Personally (again), kids would not bother me at a ceremony. But, I am not in the position to tell OP what she would and would not like to do. You wont find it annoying if kids are screaming at your ceremony, but this is the way the OP feels. *shrugs shoulders* That’s why we are all different. And, this is coming from a person with two kids.

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