(Closed) Is it rude to ask her which dress she’s getting?

posted 6 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Is it rude to ask which dress my cousin is getting?
    No : (42 votes)
    79 %
    Yes : (11 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3081 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wouldn’t consider it a rude questions necessarily, just would politely decline to answer if I didn’t want to share. You could ask her what style she is looking for/has gotten, or what store/designer, and continue to ask more questions if it sounds like yours. Chances are SO slim it’s the same dress but if you are worried about it there are sensitive ways to go about it!

    Post # 4
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    This would be cool bounding topic, share some details of your wedding tell her you were curious and wouldn’t want to overlapp on anything!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    All in how you ask: if you ask to see the dress or want too many specifics about it, then, yes, it might be intrusive. But if you ask her to tell you whatever she’s comfortable telling about the dress because you want to make sure you don’t get the same dress or too similar, then I think she might be flattered that you don’t want to steal her thunder.

    Post # 6
    Member
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    You could ask her things like: What color dress did she go with, what style did she end up getting, etc. I would not ask her to telly ou the exact dress.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think it’s rude to inquire about what kind of style she’s looking at (as long as it’s not in a threatening way).  I was in a similar situation…my cousin got married 5 months after I did.  We’re not really close…but I still asked about what kind of dresses she was looking at.  I honestly wouldn’t have cared if we ended up in the exact same dress…it’s just fun to share wedding planning 🙂

    Edit – and by “threatening,” I mean “you better not pick the same dress as me!” kind of way…

    Post # 9
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Honestly, if the two of you have similar tastes and actually picked the same dress from a catalogue then I don’t think she would be offended if you were just honest with her. Tell her that you’ve been thinking about dresses and remember how similar your tastes are. Offer her the style that you’ve chosen and ask if the two of you have similar dresses.

    Chances are, she may have thought about it herself!

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Honestly, I’d just be upfront with her and say, “Hey, I bet neither one of us wants us to end up in the same dress. Want to share a couple of details about our top choices, just enough to make sure we each get a dress that’s unique?” That shouldn’t upset her.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m sure she’d appreciate not having the same dress! Since you’re wanting to know what she’s picking so you don’t pick the same instead of saying “I picked this, so you’d better not” I don’t think it’s threatening at all. I think, like the pp’s have been saying, acknowledge her similar good taste and ask her if she’d be willing to let you know which one she’s going with so you don’t pick the same (a secret between you girls).

    Post # 12
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think that’s a polite enough question. If you’re worried she won’t want to show you her dress, you could always wait until you’ve picked one out and then send a picture to her to make sure that you’re not going to have the same dress.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I bought my dress 14 months before our wedding. There was a friend wedding and a cousin wedding inbetween. I was soooooooo stressed that one of them would have my dress. Both of them were really open to sharing which dress they picked to ease my fears.

    Post # 14
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Have you purchased your dress yet?  If so, why don’t you show her yours (or the one you are considering) and she can confirm that it isn’t hers?  That way she isn’t exactly blowing the surprise of her dress but you can have some peace of mind?

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