(Closed) Is it rude to ask MOH what she’s thinking for the bridal shower/bachelorette

posted 8 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Is it ok to bring up party planning with your MOH?
    Why not? She's your best friend, so why would it upset her to have you ask? : (36 votes)
    72 %
    Absolutely not. Wait for her to approach you, even if that means she waits until the last minute. : (6 votes)
    12 %
    Maybe just bring up your family shower and see if she says anything... : (6 votes)
    12 %
    Other (please explain) : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    661 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I would come right out and ask her.  Ettiquette is one thing (and I try to follow it well)  But, when it comes to my best friend in this whole wide world (My MOH) I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable asking about anything.

    I asked about my bridal shower and found out that it was supposed to be some sort of surprise.  But, what ended up happening??  Since we’re eachothers “go to person” – she didn’t really have anyone to bounce ideas off of.  (I mean I have other BMs … but, she said it perfectly)

    “The only person who knows you better than you is (FI) and myself.  Well, he wont be able to answer questions about this bc its too girly (which is very true) and I need another opinion other than myself”.  My mother??  Nah, even she wouldnt’ answer it right.  So … I helped her plan it!  (on the things she was willing to tell me).

    Come to think of it … its this Sunday!!!!  lol Eh, I’d just ask.  I took the risk and did.  And it turned out fine.  πŸ™‚

    Post # 6
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @tinylittlebird:  “The problem: Trouble is, she hasn’t brought anything up yet.”

    This is not a problem.  It would be rude and pushy for you to ask if / when she plans to throw you a party. 

    If she wants to throw you one, she will and if she does, she will communicate what you need to know when she’s ready.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    If I were you, I’d ask my Mom or whoever is planning the family shower if Maid/Matron of Honor said anything about it to them. Because if she is throwing a separate shower, she sort of has to coordinate with the other shower in regards to the guest list and date.

    The problem is though you can’t really request a shower, especially if you know you’re already getting one. Trust that your Maid/Matron of Honor made the right decision in regards to throwing you a 2nd shower or combining both into one and leave it at that. If you want to take it a step further, if your Mom has no idea/hasn’t spoken to Maid/Matron of Honor about it at all, maybe ask someone in your family who knows her to ask about it? Just to make sure that at least if she isn’t planning a separate shower then your close friends are also invited ot the family one.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2767 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    why do you need a friends only shower?  I’ve never heard of that.  The only showers I have been to have been for family and bridal party members.  The family or Maid/Matron of Honor usually plans them and the bridesmaids can attend them too.  Let your family plan it for you since they already volunteered and if your Maid/Matron of Honor wants to help then she can.  But I don’t think she needs to plan another separate shower just for friends.  Have her plan the bachelorette party and if your friends want to bring gifts to that they can.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If I were you, I might give it another month… if your wedding is in June, I think it’s still a bit early, unless you have people who need to know this far in advance…?

    But if she doesn’t bring it up in another month, I think you can go ahead and ask her!  You could say something like “Hey I was wondering if we’re going to have a friends shower?  No pressure to plan it all, but just wondering if you had a date in mind or anything, so that we can let people know?”  At least my Maid/Matron of Honor would be cool with me asking that.  It’s not like you’re strangers!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1315 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    from the way you’ve worded your posts on it here, I don’t see any problem asking straight out. You seem to have fine manners, and I can’t see how you’d offend her, you seem to be intending to take a fairly delicate approach, so to speak. Of course you should ask.

    Post # 13
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My situation is a little different because my Maid/Matron of Honor told me she wanted to plan both and then asked me what I wanted, if she hadn’t I would have asked.  I think that since its your Maid/Matron of Honor you should be able to ask her about anything.

    Post # 15
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    People always should assume that when you are a part of a wedding- especially Maid/Matron of Honor that you will have money to spend- there’s dresses and shoes, makeup, gifts, etc etc. There’s also the shower and bach party. I think it’s perfectly fine when you ask people, you also insert that “I know it’s really expensive to be in a wedding, so I understand if it might not be something you’re up for….etc etc.” Then letting them know what you really want for a shower and bach party. One of my best friends is getting married soon and I plainly asked her  if there was anything that she absolutely wanted/didn’t want for her parties, and then the rest will be up to me and bridal party.

    As Maid/Matron of Honor I also let the bridesmaids know very early that everyone will be pooling money together to throw these events and that if they couldn’t do so, just to let me or the bride know what they could/couldn’t do. I know for my wedding, a few of my bridesmaids were broke, but they mostly made themselves available to do other things which I appreciated. I also made sure I had an honest discussion with each of them early on on what they could handle and that they could back out early if it was way too much- I wanted a very involved wedding party, not some that just showed up on the day of and looked pretty. 

    As Maid/Matron of Honor of my friend, I created a “manual” of sorts for the bridal party and gave a run-down of price ranges for all things associated to the wedding (pertaining to them) so that no was was surprised when it came time to pay for their dresses and stuff- I know what it’s like not to know what to do when in a wedding party. Everyone actually thanked me for being so thorough and detailed.

    The point is, if everyone knows what is expected of them upfront, then I don’t think it’s wrong to ask questions every now and then. You may even want to have a meeting with everybody and say what you hope for. – Not just for showers and things but as far as them being your support.

    Post # 16
    Member
    987 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    You Maid/Matron of Honor does not HAVE to throw you a party.  In my opinion it would be incredibly rude for you to ask her.  It’s not essential to get gifts and people will bring you a present to the wedding anyway.

    The topic ‘Is it rude to ask MOH what she’s thinking for the bridal shower/bachelorette’ is closed to new replies.

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