(Closed) Is it rude to ask that no kids be at the wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to ask that no kids be at the wedding?
    rude : (26 votes)
    10 %
    completely reasonable : (235 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    We didn’t have kids at our wedding, which included one of my nephews, which caused significant family drama at first (SIL misunderstood that we were just excluding him vs. all kids.) Our dinner was served at his bedtime, we were married on the water (not little kid friendly), and reception was in a museum (again, NOT kid friendly for an evening social function.)

    If you go kid-free, inevitably SOMEONE will get upset. But you have the right to decide the guest list for your wedding. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    4943 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think it’s reasonable. It’s your wedding, your decision. But be prepared for people to take offense.

    For me, I wouldn’t even think to bring children to a wedding unless they were on the invite (ex: to the Jones family and not just to mr. and mrs. Jones).

    The first time I got married, my nephew was 1 year old. He cried through the entire ceremony, and on our wedding video, you can’t hear anything but him.

    Post # 34
    Member
    677 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    No kids at my wedding except for my nephew who was newborn, I had a limit on the amount of people I could afford to invite and there are a lot of poorly behaved kids in my family, not to mention that it was at a victorian inn with a lot of antiques. As it was, my baby nephew cried through the whole ceremony, you can hear him in the video over our vows. I dont regret having him there as it was the first time I had been able to see him and I love him, but I think its perfectly reasonable to not want kids of any age at your wedding.

    Post # 35
    Member
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    It’s not rude, invite who you want. Those same people that will complain about their kids not being invited would just find something else to complain about if you allowed kids. 

    I do however think that if you are including kids in the bridal party and those kids get to go to the reception then you need to invite kids. Nothing more rude then when you tell everyone it’s a kid free wedding and they show up only to find a bunch of kids running around that were ‘exceptions’. Babies that need to be breast feed is one thing.

    Post # 36
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We didn’t have kids at our wedding and it went very well. The only thing you have to brace for would be rude parents that will guilt you into inviting their kids or throw a hissy fit. i don’t mind if both parents decline the invitation bc they can’t find a sitter or leave LO at home, but it really really irked me when they tried guilting me or forcing my hand.

    Post # 37
    Member
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I would definitely jump on the chance to have a kid-free wedding. I would love to attend a kid-free wedding, too. Holla!

    Post # 38
    Member
    1623 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I’m with the majority and I don’t think it’s rude.  I will definitely make sure I remember this when I have kids.

    Post # 39
    Member
    3768 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    Not rude at all, but I think @Barika‘s solution is awesome!  

    The only iffy part about rude/not rude is how you go about doing it.  Lots of people will say you should not say it outright on the invitation, just specify how many seats are reserved on the rsvp and let it spread through word of mouth.  I’ve read another poster say that there are so many rules of invitation language that guests won’t be able to read between the lines and so need to be told outright.  I agree with both points… you just have to do what’s best for you if this is the road you are taking!

    Post # 40
    Member
    2967 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i didn’t want any young kids (like, under 12) at all at my wedding. but my fiance has 14 nieces/nephews/cousins, most of which are under 12, and they all love him to pieces, so we are allowing them to be there. i told my fiance that he needed to tell them that they needed to behave (and to remind their parents to keep their kids in check) because they are a lively bunch, to put it nicely. i’m sure some people will get upset that some kids were invited, but we have a limited budget and even more limited space, so we can’t have every single kid we know there. 

    i don’t have many little ones in my family that i’m close to. i think i’m inviting 7 kids on my side and they’re all over 12. there are a few babies who will be there and my church has a crying room, so i will definitely make sure the parents know it’s there if they need it.

    some people have complained, but i don’t care. it’s my wedding, so i get to make the rules.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1010 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Not rude! im doing an “Adult only” reception! 

    Post # 42
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It’s completely reasonable and the only people who find it unreasonable are the same ones who probably think it’s perfectly fine to bring babies and toddlers to expensive restaurants and movies. The bride and groom get to decide who comes to their event and if they don’t want children, no one should give them a hard time about it.

    Post # 43
    Member
    13666 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think it’s rude as long as it’s a hard-and-fast rule, and not a decide as you go kind of rule.  Like, all kids under 12 are not invited, not my 7 year old cousin, my 9 year old neice, and the 11 year old cousin, but no one else.  Hand-picking creates even more drama than kidfree in general!

    My wedding will be kid free (minus the flower girl), and I haven’t heard a single complaint!

    Post # 44
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee

    It is rude to ask that any NOT be at the wedding.  But it is not rude to not invite kids to be at the wedding.

    Basically, you can certainly have a childfree wedding, but it would be rude to write child-free wedding, or no children allowed, etc on the invitation or on the website.

     

    Post # 45
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It is 100% ok to have an adults only wedding.  What is rude, however, is if you write “Adults only” or “No children” or some variation on the invitations.  Invitations should be addressed to only those it is meant for (i.e. John and Candy Smooth, rather than the Smooth Family, or John, Candy, Sally and Stevie Smooth).  If John and Candy are not up on etiquette and respond with Sally and Stevie’s names as well, you simply call them and politely say that only John and Candy were invited, you cannot accommodate Sally and Stevie.

    Post # 46
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It’s not rude but be preparand for people to RSVP no and don’t get upset about it. As important as you think you and your wedding Are, you dont have center of the universe status in their world.  I would never hire a sitter to attend a wedding unless it was a close relative or best friend. 

    We invited kids to our wedding and had not one problem. I’m more concerned about unruly and in appropriate adults than kids. 

    Your party, your choice. 

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