(Closed) Is it rude to ask that no kids be at the wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to ask that no kids be at the wedding?
    rude : (26 votes)
    10 %
    completely reasonable : (235 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    157 posts
    Blushing bee

    @bestbuddies:  I don’t think you can compare SOs and Children. My Fiance is a grown man in his early 30s who isn’t going to stand up on his chair halfway through the vows and loudly announce through sobs “Mummy, I need to go do a poopy right now”.

     

    Yes, I have seen that happen at a wedding I attended, before you ask.

    Post # 63
    Member
    993 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Its interesting to see how popular the no kids thing is.

    I think this really depends on your family – FI’s family has about 100 kids (I’m not exaggerating) that could potentially come with their parents.  I know lots will get a babysitter.  But its part of the party, the grandmas always love to hold the babies, the kids run around and go crazy, they dance their pants off.  For us there is no question of inviting them.  Good friends may not come at all if their kids aren’t allowed.  And the BEST photos are with the kids usually, I love it.

    I think it is a bit selfish and boring to have the no kids thing… just me.

    Post # 64
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    A very small percent of people get irritated by no kids at the wedding. Those people don’t understand that not everything revolves around kids.

    Post # 65
    Member
    9135 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    I would add a few more options because I think the responses may be slightly different depending on whether the voter is a parent.  I don’t have any kids so I love attending weddings with no children invited.  I can have a few drinks and cut loose without having to worry about making a bad impression on a young child.  But really it comes down to the fact that it seems like I deal with more ill behaved children than well behaved children in public.

    Many wedding receptions are not very good environments for kids especially if everyone is drinking and carrying on.  Yes, they look cute walking down the aisle and on the dance floor but because many parents choose not to control their children at social events many end up running around screaming and then crying or whining when they get tired/bored and ready to go home.

    Don’t get me wrong, I know there are many great parents who teach their kids proper social behavior in public (mine included), it’s really just the ones that allow their kids to act like maniacs that ruin it.  I hate to compare children to pets but it’s kind of like taking a dog to a restaurant when you know your dog is going to bark at everyone and try to knock the table over.  A good pet owner trains their dog and keeps them in line or they don’t take the dog to the restaurant.

    Post # 66
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @bella128:  A bit selfish and boring? Of course, to each their own but the thought of children running around and going crazy during my ceremony or reception makes me want to vomit. If I wanted to have that, I’d have my wedding at Chuck E Cheese. Or the zoo. And hopefully the best photos will be of Fiance, myself and our amazing guests!

    We are going to have open bar, formal sit down dinner, cigar station, hours of dancing, a casino area, cocktail hour around a pool… A child would be a liability and a buzzkill to all the fun.

    Post # 68
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Im surprised this is a question for some people. Of course its not rude. Most of my guests have kids, and they all assumed (and were happy) that it was an adult reception and an excuse to get out for the night.

    Post # 69
    Member
    479 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    No rude at all

    Post # 70
    Member
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Weddings are boring for children, and children at weddings are often disruptive and ill-behaved. I’m a teacher and I love children DEARLY, but a lot of times children in formal/fancy public places is just a bad idea.

    Post # 71
    Member
    627 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Not rude, not at all.

    Your money, your guest list. 

    As others have said though, you cannot get upset if people won’t get a sitter for their kid. On another post someone said very well that with the cost of a babysitter being $15-$20 an hour, unless the bride and groom were close, she would not spend that kind of money because she would rather get a sittter for when her and her husband could have a proper night out just the two of them. Rather than spending $250 on a babysitter, plus a gift, plus also potentially a hotel for a late wedding. So she would rather just send a gift and RSVP no. 

    Post # 72
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Not rude, although some parents certainly act like it is!  I went along with appropriate etiquette and didn’t say anything about “no children” or “adults only” on the invitations.  They were addressed specifically to the couple, and the RSVP card indicated the number of seats reserved for them (i.e. “2 seats have been reserved in your honor”).  I’ll be d*mned if a few people didn’t actually scratch out the number that I wrote, and add their kids in!!!  I know that it’s not considered good etiquette to indicate “no children”, but some people just have no clue!!! 

    Our wedding is on Saturday, and it will be interesting to see how many uninvited children are there.  It will also be interesting to see the parents’ reactions when they are told about the two nannies on-site who will watch the kids during the ceremony. 🙂

    Post # 73
    Member
    1357 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My fiance and I are…uh…not “kid people.” We have elected to have an adults-only wedding and made this (politely) clear on the invitations. We thought it might cause some friction with family members that have kids, but so far, no one has complained or said anything to our faces. One family with a newborn has, understandably, decided not to attend, but the family with older kids have all RSVP’ed yes.

    I guess it’s a question of how you think your family and friends will react. Some people may choose not to attend, but if you’re okay with that and you don’t think it will cause any major rifts with anyone important, I’d say go ahead and do it. It’s not rude at all as long as you make your wishes clear and keep your expectations reasonable.

    Post # 74
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I didn’t vote, because I think it depends. 

    Hosts should not be offended if guests decline due to a “no kids” rule. I also think that, in some families, if weddings are generally considered “family affairs”, I you should probably not be surprised by some upset and be prepared for that. I also get kind of annoyed when brides on here complain that their sisters/brothers/insert close relative here are upset that their children are not invited. If you’re a close family, you may want to consider inviting neices/nephews to avoid a rift in the family, and I could see how some siblings may take it as a personal insult if you don’t (fyi: I didn’t bring my son to my own sister’s wedding, nor was he invited, so I’m not saying this is a hard & fast rule, but I see why people are offended & I wish brides would take this into consideration- my relationships are much more important to me than my “vision”). 

    I also think it’s rude when “no children” is indicated on the invite. I’m not an idiot. People who bring along children regardless of who’s officially invited are going to do so even with a disclaimer, and you’re going to offend those of us who are polite enough to honor your wishes by printing crap on the invite specifically excluding our children.

    Other than that, brides can do whatever they want, and I’m not one to raise a stink about it, even if I think their actions fit into the “rude” definition. I like adult time, so I’m happy to leave my son at home if I can arrange it.

    Post # 75
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @anemonie:  I guess it’s a question of how you think your family and friends will react. Some people may choose not to attend, but if you’re okay with that and you don’t think it will cause any major rifts with anyone important, I’d say go ahead and do it.


    Should’ve read this first- this is basically my point, but made much more succinctly 🙂

    Post # 76
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I don’t think it’s rude. FH and I personally do not enjoy the company of children at all and we want our wedding to be kid free. The ONLY exception is FH’s neice and nephew, but they are old enough to behave, are in the wedding party and they will also be traveling out of state. Now, even if we weren’t including them Future Sister-In-Law would have no problem finding a baby sitter. 

    I have a handful of people that I’m going to have to tell not to bring their kids, because they think their kids are welcome anywhere (my Maid/Matron of Honor wants to bring her son to try on wedding dresses with me). 

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