Is it rude to ask who will actually travel for my wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
5917 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not bothered by someone asking such a question, but I’m skeptical as to how much good it will do you…..because people tend to be overly agreeable and optimistic when asked about hypothetically doing something in the future- but the realistic outcome may be entirely different. Sure I’d travel for your wedding/ Sure a Vegas bachelorette sounds do-able/ Sure we’ll make a plan to taka a once-a-year bff’s vacation/ Sure we’ll get together next time you’re in town …..

Post # 32
20 posts
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’m not sure why some of the responses are so rude. I think it’s completely acceptable to get a feel for how many people might be able to make the trip, not only before sending invites, but before booking a venue, caterer, etc. 

How can you even start looking at venues without getting a ballpark idea of how many guests will be in attendance?  My wedding will be out of state, and while I did not go around asking every person, I did ask a few friends and relatives what they thought – for example, I asked my cousin who I knew would come if she thought some of our older aunts and uncles would be able to travel. That way I didn’t have to ask directly, and she could get an idea for me through casual conversation. It helped the planning process a lot to have a general idea. I know the numbers change and don’t need to be finalized until much closer to the wedding, but for planning purposes, I think it’s completely fine to put out some feelers. 

Post # 33
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Kassandra Nicole Claborn :  Yes an invite would be the best way. Yes you can get a guauge from some people by asking, you know them better than those of us on the bee. 

Also- I would change your username if you plan on using this for wedding planning and possibily wedding venting 

Post # 34
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Wow, some of these responses are harsh.

Here’s what I would do in this situation. Order 2 sets of invitations. On the first set, make the RSVP date earlier than you really need to know. Send these to only those who you are concerned about whether or not they will travel. Once the first RSVP date passes and you make sure you heard from everyone, send out the second set of RSVPs. This way, you’ll know how many more people you can invite. 

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