(Closed) Is it rude to bring a gift to the wedding? Should a gift be sent in the mail?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think it’s rude to bring a gift to the wedding. I think some people just prefer to send it by mail.

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wouldnt worry about it, some people do bring gifts… And if they live locally then it wont be an issue to get them back to their house.. I would just bring it.

Post # 5
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think it’s rude at all – in fact, very kind of you to bring a gift 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think it’s easier for the bride and groom if you mail it, but it’s easier for you not to b/c you’d have to pay for shipping. I prefer to just bring the gift if I can, and they should appreciate that I’m giving them a gift at all.

Post # 7
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

No ppl want to show they brought something, rude not to have a gift table and money box

Post # 8
Member
10285 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, I think the couples who expect their guests to ship their gifts are awfully bold. If I just spent $100 on your wedding gift, I’m probably not going to want to spend another $20+ to ship it. 

Bring it to the wedding. Unless you got them a patio set or something of the sort, I’m sure there won’t be an issue. 

Post # 9
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I prefer to ship gifts  – I think it’s just easier for everyone. I don’t have to remember to bring it, and they don’t have to haul it around. Darling Husband disagrees, saying people should just be thankful regardless. Although after hauling everything in on Sunday, he may change his mind now 🙂

As far as paying shipping – if I plan to spend $50 on a gift, then I get a gift for ~$45 and leave the rest for shipping. It’s the trade off – they don’t have to transport it, but they get slightly less of a gift.

Post # 10
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s not rude to bring the gift to the wedding at all!  This is why there’s a gift table at every wedding!  I have always found it strange to ship wedding gifts to the bride and groom’s house.  You don’t want presents showing up early, and you don’t want them sitting on their doorstep while they’re on honeymoon…I just never totally understood it.

Post # 11
Member
7586 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@UpstateCait: totally agree with you

Post # 12
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s not rude, but can be helpful so that people don’t have to transport them after the wedding.  Then again, shipping does have its disadvantages–cost, could be lost in shipping, stolen, etc.  Coin toss to me, really.

Post # 13
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

The reason that there is a gift table at every wedding reception is that people do bring gifts to the reception, true. But the reason that people do bring gifts to the reception is that they don’t know that doing so violates formal etiquette — which it does. It is not just a matter of inconveniencing your hostess by adding to the cleanup-and-transportation issues she will face in the wee hours when the party finally breaks up. That should certainly be a concern, of course, but the real reason it is rude is precisely what “EncoreBridetoBe” cites — that bringing gifts to the reception becomes a way of showing off the guests’ generosity.

In refined society, all gifts should be given privately and without ostentation: not because the recipients are “bold” enough to demand it, but because the giver is discrete enough to be tactful. If you buy a gift at a chain department store, particularly if you buy an item from the bride’s registry, it can generally be delivered to the store nearest the bride and held there for her to pick up, with no $20 charge to worry about. You can also call on the bride in the weeks before the wedding and bring the gift to her then — also at no charge, plus you get the pleasure of watching her open it, and you get personal time with her that you won’t likely get at the reception; or you can all after the wedding to deliver it and visit with both the bride and groom; or you can (as you should) invite the couple to dinner when they return from their honeymoon to reciprocate their hospitality of the reception and give them the gift then.

Or, recognizing that ladies and gentlemen are not supposed to carry boxes through the parking lot when in evening dress, and they look at best encumbered and at worst a little silly when they choose to do so, you can just mail it for your own ease and comfort.

Post # 14
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m not Emily Post, but I would be a-okay with someone bringing a gift to my wedding.  The only way I would ship the gift (to their home) is if the couple was having a destination wedding and they obviously wouldn’t want to be encumbered by a gift on the way home, and frankly, I wouldn’t want to worry about getting it there.  Or I might ship it to the house if it was a rather large gift.

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