(Closed) Is it rude to bring an appetizer/munchy food to a party when not asked to?

posted 7 years ago in Cooking
Post # 3
Member
46373 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would still take something. I too love to cook. You can thwart her by  taking a plate ( you can pick up one from a thrift store so you needn’t worry about leaving it behind) and plating them yourself.

Go one step further and pass the plate offering your goodies.

There may be some passive aggressive behavior in play here on her part.

Post # 4
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It depends.  My Mother-In-Law would be offended – it is a cultural thing.  To her, it is like I am suggesting that she can’t provide the food for her own party. 

ETA: I didn’t read properly – if others are bringing things and she’s putting them out, it obviously has nothing to do with cultural differences.  

Post # 5
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@JenniBride: i still think it does. It’s the FMIL’s sisters so they ‘don’t really count’. They can do anything!

@Kant: My Mother-In-Law is the same way. It boggles the mind. 

Post # 6
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

if your fmil prides herself on being a good hostess, you showing up with a plate can be taken as an insult.  if i’m not hosting, i usually ask the hostess, “can i bring something?” the usual answer i get is, “i love your ____.  do you mind making it?”  but i always make sure it fits the theme of the party.  i also have a rep for making yummy food.  when i bring something to work, people will ask if “profiterole” made it.  if not, then people will pass on the extra calories.

the only other thing i can think of is that your cooking is not yummy to the group but they are afraid of hurting your feelings by telling you that the seitan raisin mousse is not appetizing.

if you want a creative outlet, you should host a party for your friends.  we used to do it all the time.  a bunch of young unmarried twenty something culinary arts and culinary nutrition students.  good times.

Post # 8
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

No it’s proper to bring something, sounds like she’s the one being rude.

Post # 9
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Without knowing any more background than what you’ve told us (them not taking you seriously, ‘aww, look at the kids playing grown up’) it sounds like one of two things. Either she doesn’t care for you, or she doesn’t care for your cooking.  (Let’s hope it’s the latter!) Definitely some passive agressive behavior going on, though, no matter how you put it.

Out of curiousity, is your Future Mother-In-Law very particular about things? Is she type A, in other words? Maybe she feels your dishes clash with hers. Are your dishes similar in type to the others or are they on opposite ends of the spectrum? You could always just do like @profiterole: said, and ask before-hand if you can bring something. And bring your own serving platter, lol!

Post # 10
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Kant: It’s become a bit of a game for me now. I like to keep her guessing so sometimes i bring along a plate of sweets, sometimes it’s something jarred like seasonally flavoured honey or my own canned jams, even books i have finished reading that i think she will like. I like to keep her on her toes! ;-p 

Post # 12
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

@Kant: Ah. Well there ya go, then. Sorry, lol. By the sounds of it, she was sabotaging things w/ the grad party to make you look bad.  Ummm, kill her with kindness? And artichoke dip? Lol.

P.S. What is “dog food”?

Post # 13
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

i also wanted to add that bringing an extra dish to a carefully planned dinner party is almost like bringing an extra person.  you should always ask first whether you want to bring a dish or an extra person.  a hostess spends hours planning what to serve and how much to serve.  it can also be insulting to the hostess insinuating that the hostess will not provide enough.  when asked, a hostess will say, “just your appetite.”  when pressed a good hostess will suggest something that will not clash with the meal — maybe a bottle of wine.  but a good hostess will even have that all planned out so don’t be offended if your wine is not served at the meal.

but on the other side of things, a good hostess will go ahead and serve whatever a guest brings even it if the pigs n a blanket clashes with the provencal menu she has planned.  it would be rude to stick it in the back of the fridge. 

Post # 14
Member
46373 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@profiterole: I agree with you about bringing an extra dish to a dinner party, but the OP was talking about a very different casual evening.

 

Post # 15
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

What?! I think it’s awesome when people bring stuff to our parties that I didn’t have to bother preparing myself! Free food? Come on over to my house! I like to extend the same courtesies in my circle of family and friends. I’m sorry your Future Mother-In-Law is being so passive aggressive!

Post # 16
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Do you get along with your Future Mother-In-Law normally? If you do have a good relationship, it could be offensive to her that you bring a dish. If you don’t, then maybe it is an age thing, or possibly you (but hopefully not!). I know that I would never bring a dish to FI’s family Christmas because they have so much food and it’s all so planned out, and while it wouldn’t be rude they’d all keep telling me it wasn’t necessary. I don’t want to step on any toes.

On the other hand, my family (on both sides) always has potluck style holidays, and the more food we bring, the better! I guess it depends on the family dynamics.

The topic ‘Is it rude to bring an appetizer/munchy food to a party when not asked to?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors