Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor is a good friend of mine but it is her first time serving the role. I gave her a book that outlined the traditional ‘duties’ and I think she read it and is excited about it.
I mean, her duties aren’t that extensive to be honest. We have already gone to try on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and are 90% decided. She lives two hours away from me, and we are having a Destination Wedding, so the only thing she really has to coordinate is the shower and bachelorette.
I am sending her an e-mail to give her the contact info of the two other BMs and just to keep her up to speed on what else she needs to know. Is it rude to say something like “We should think about doing the shower in March, so-and-so has offered to haver it at her house, I’d like you to make do some DIY decorations and bring XYZ” or is it rude of me to even mention the shower at all to her and just expect her to do it? The thing is I think she needs a little pushing so I want to bring it up but don’t want to seem bridezillaish.
Post # 3
@maggierose: I think bringing it up, date/schedule and stuff is not rude, but I would not assume it to be her duty. I would mention that someone has offered to host the shower at their house and ask her if she would like to help throw it. She and whoever else is hosting should be the one’s coordinating decorations and who is bringing what, not you IMO.
I was my best friends Maid/Matron of Honor, she lived in another state and had two groups of people, family friends throwing her showers in our home state. Not only was I not involved in planning the showers, hosting them financially or otherwise, but I actually didn’t even attend either shower because I was out of the country (otherwise I would have been there).
She is now my Maid/Matron of Honor, she has mentioned that she and her mother would like to help host a shower for me with others if possible. My only involvement will be to put her in touch with aunts and family friends who have offered to host a shower for me and give them dates I can come to town since I live far away from my home state. The rest is up to them.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s appropriate to bring up someone else giving you gifts (like hosting a shower) unless they offer it first. It might be traditional for a Maid/Matron of Honor to host a shower, but I don’t consider it a “duty”.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to say, “I’d like you to make DIY decorations,” etc. Any of these duties that a Bridesmaid or Best Man does for you should be considered a gift and accepted with gratitude, not forced upon them to do at your request. She doesn’t need pushing, because really she doesn’t “need” to do anything for you but support you and stand with you on your wedding day as someone you love and respect.
I really wouldn’t worry about her ponying up to plan a bridal shower for you. If she doesn’t, someone else will. Really, it’s not your place to tell others how and when to get you presents.
I think it’s great that you at least ran this by others first to get a second opinion. That = not a bridezilla.
Post # 7
I think it would be okay to mention it… but more like, “So and so has offered to have the bridal shower at her house, are you interesting in helping her out with a few things?”
In my opinion, Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s only duty is to be there on the wedding day, prepared (aka having dress, shoes, etc). Anything else is a bonus. Planning things costs money and time and not everyone has those things. You say your Maid/Matron of Honor was excited about it, so it’s likely she’ll have no problem helping plan the shower, but I don’t think you should phrase it as “do this” but rather ask if she would be willing and able.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t say that if I were you. If anything, I’d tell the other bridesmaids to be the one to push her a little. I don’t think you should tell her what you think she should be doing for the shower..it’s up to her if she wants to buy or DIY decorations, or maybe someone else will have that duty altogether. If I were you, I would try to stay out of the shower planning as much as possible and let them do their thing. I’m sure it’ll happen and it will come out great!
Post # 9
I do think that it would be rude/presumtuous to tell your Maid/Matron of Honor what you want her to do for the shower. You said someone offered tot hrow it at their house, I’d probably suggest to them that they talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor and other BMs about it – they can figure it out amongst themselves, it’s really not the bride’s place to be assigning tasks for the shower.
Post # 10
Depends on your relationship with her. I brought up things about the parties to mine, but we’ve known each other since 2nd grade. I wasn’t sure how it worked, so I messaged her and gave her the names/numbers of the rest of the BMs b/c I figured they would collaborate on the bachelorette party.
I told them it doesn’t need to be anything extravagant. I don’t think anyone was offended. *shrug*