Post # 1
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
I have several shower invitations where I really have no excuse to decline, besides not wanting to attend. One friend recently had her second baby and her mother sent a baby shower invitation to meet the baby. The party is an hour away and I don’t really understand why people have baby showers after their first pregancy, especially since she already has a son. Of course, it’d be nice to meet her baby, but we aren’t especially close. (I’m sure this is super petty, but as someone who loves throwing parties and pretty invitaitons, the generic e-vite wasn’t super inviting). I was also invited to another girl’s bridal shower, but we’re not very close (she’s very sweet, but not someone I care to have a friendship with), and it’s also an hour away. She and her fiance also didn’t give us a wedding present, which is totally fine, but it doesn’t really make me want to buy a shower present. I used to go to every shower I was invited, no matter how far away it was, but I’m starting to feel like it’s okay to not feel guilty about spending your time/money the way you desire and to invest in friendships you truly care about. As someone who tries to be thoughtful and generous though, I wonder if this is selfish. For my bridal shower, I invited most of the female guests invited to the wedding, which in retrospect, I wish I had only invited people I was close to, because I totally understand why some people declined (like wives of the groomsmen I wasn’t close to), but I’ve also thrown friends baby showers and put a lot of effort into them so I know the work that goes into them, and I have been disappointed when friends I thought were closer didn’t come or RSVP. Do you turn down shower invitations and invitations in general just because you’d rather be doing something else? Do you consciously decide which friendships you care to invest in?
Post # 2
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
Personal opinion, if it’s a baby shower I’ll go simply because I love babies. If it’s a wedding shower, it depends on whether I get a better offer. But no, you shouldn’t feel guilty for not attending. It’s an invitation, not a royal summons.
Post # 3
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Do you turn down shower invitations and invitations in general just because you’d rather be doing something else? Do you consciously decide which friendships you care to invest in? <br /><br />
Yes & yes. I don’t allow myself to feel obligated to attend any kind of shower just beacuse I’m invited.
Post # 4
Member
6134 posts
Bee Keeper
I’m going to assume if you were closer to these girls this wouldn’t be an issue. However, because they’re just acquiantances you don’t feel very compelled to go. I would probably feel the same way and don’t really see anything wrong with that. It’s not like they’re under the impression you’re their best friend or anything.
Post # 5
Member
5245 posts
Bee Keeper
vanessa7: I’m not going to my cousins bridal shower because she didnt think it was imporatant to attend my wedding therefore I dont think its imporatnt for me ot attend her shower
Post # 6
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t think it’s rude to decline when you’re not particularly close with them. A coworker invited me to her shower and wedding and I had only been at the company for a few months at that point. I went to the wedding because EVERYONE did (it’s a small office, only 10 of us), but I didn’t go to her shower. I did get her a gift though (but don’t feel obligated to do that either).
Post # 7
Member
9556 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I think you can totally RSVP no without guilt. It’s an invitation. Not a summons. I have been lucky that I’ve only been invited to showers of people I’m very close to, so I always accept. But if it was somebody I wasn’t close to or didn’t want to be close to? I’d decline without regrets!
Post # 8
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
hell i declined my SIL’s shower invite because there is no why i feel like “showering” her with anything other than my fists. She didn’t feel the need to attend my engagement dinner because she had to “get her hair done” so to hell with that. Dont feel obligated to make time for people who wouldn’t make time for you. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
Post # 9
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
I would totally decline in those situations. Your life, your prioritites.
Post # 10
Member
3221 posts
Sugar bee
I happily RSVP no when it’s someone I’m not particularly close with.
I find showers where the whole neighbourhood is invited to be distasteful, and feel no guilt for declining. I also don’t send a gift unless it’s someone I’m close to, and I would have attended were it not for extenuating circumstances.
Finally, I also don’t see the point of a baby shower for baby #2. If they want to give friends the opportunity to meet the baby all at once, have a sip & see.
Post # 11
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t think it’s rude. One, it’s optional. Also it means you have to buy another gift and travel (and for you for these it’s a bit aways). I’m inviting some OOT family to be polite, but wouldn’t expect them to come.
If it were a close friend of mine, I’d be disappointed but would understand as it’s optional.
I also think as a bride it’s not really fun to invite, say 50, but have 20 attend. However, there are perks to an intimate shower so it’s not all that bad either!
Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
vanessa7: It is never rude to politely decline an invitation. You don’t need to have an excuse. Just “I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend” will suffice.
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