(Closed) Is it rude to have an adult only reception?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it ok to have an adults only wedding?
    Totally ok- Its your day & you get to decide! : (140 votes)
    89 %
    Its rude and unfair to your guests with children : (14 votes)
    9 %
    Other (Please leave comment) : (4 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    You may want to try searching for general topics like this. There have been quite a few debates on this and similar standard etiquette topics. There are bees on both sides. I don’t care one way or the other (though be prepared for the criticizers to think it unfair that the Flower Girl & Ring Bearer are getting special treatment), but I think simply saying “adults only reception to follow” instead of the standard “reception to follow” should get the message across, especially since it seems as though many guests already know.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2154 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think it’s absolutely okay. We probably will have 0-3 kids under age 12 at our wedding, but we’re lucky in that we just don’t know that many, so we don’t really have to make that choice. I think you can avoid criticism by making sure the rule applies to everyone, and by offering babysitter referrals or even free babysitting (if you can afford it) for Out of Town people or parents with other special circumstances. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It is absolutely okay. We’re having an adults only wedding as well. The only kids that are included are those in the Bridal Party and FI’s cousins from Out of Town (only Out of Town guests with kids). 

    We approached the topic in the FAQ section of our wedding website…

    Are children invited?
    Unfortunately due to space limitationswe will be having an “adults only” reception. The only children that will be included are those who are part of our wedding party as well as any out of town guests. We hope you understand. If anyone needs assistance in making arrangements for child care, please let us know and we will do our best to assist you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’ve seen this come up a lot.

    As a parent, I wouldn’t be offended as long as I had a babysitter. 

    If you have guests coming out of town with kids, they might not come if there’s no option for a babysitter or babysitting service.

    Now, like I said, I’m a parent of two kids and I always see things like this as a night out without the kids.  HOWEVER, if I had to travel outside the state (or worry with the kids having school the next day), I doubt I’d go because of the lack of babysitter (or school the next day).  It would be different, however, if I had a newborn or a baby under, say two or three months old.  Not quite sure how I’d handle that….

    That’s just me, though.  I know there are plenty of parents who probably see it differently. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i hope not cause thats what im leaning towards!!!! LOL 😀

    i would like help with how to word this as well!

    Post # 7
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    The bottom line is you decide whom to invite. You’re under no obligation to feed children, if you don’t want to. People can criticize you, and so be it. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    That’s what we are doing too. I don’t think its rude. We are having a later evening wedding and there will be alcohol and dancing, etc. Our thinking was people wouldnt have as good of a time if their children and grandchildren were there – they’d leave earlier. Most kids would probably be in bed (hopefully) by the time dinner is finishing. The kids in our family are mostly babies or toddlers. Most of our guests actually prefer the adults only and are excited for a night out. We only had one person ask about it. Also, we were afraid of kids outnumbering adults – which would likely happen.

    We just said – Adults only recption. You could also say adults only cocktail reception. We put it on our website and family spread the word – certain family members know everyone’s biz :). We prepared ourselves for pushback and planned to say that we made this decision because its an evening event and alcohol is being served. We didn’t get any – yet anyway.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee

    WOOHOOOO ADULTS ONLY! Seriously, go for it! Our reception will go until 2am and people will be drinking their faces off, and the music will eventually get pretty questionable, lol. I vote for everyone leaving the kids at home!

    Post # 10
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I totally think it is up to the bride. I know that we are having children, but that is just because we have so many children in our families. I am the oldest of 7 kids, and my youngest siblings are 10 and 7. I have cousins with children, and my Fiance is the oldest of all of his cousins so the majority of them are 12 and under. None of our friends have children yet, so really it’s just family members with kids. Our reception is super casual, so I didn’t mind. But what works for me, probably does not work for other brides, and I think that is completely okay. You are sending out invitations with enough time for them to come up with child care, so you shouldn’t worry about being rude, because you are not.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @SoonToBeeMrsD: yeah, me too… as in, we’re having kids allowed, also.

    but… we’re also parents of two kids and our immediate family (aka siblings) have young kids, so it only makes sense for us to HAVE kids.  however, we’re also have a VERY short ceremony and having the wedding at a venue where people can (and hopefully WILL) rent cabins.  so it’s pretty much the best of both worlds, since it’s in a quiet secluded area.

    ….but I still don’t mind “adult only” things, especially if we have to travel.

    Post # 12
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I THINK IT IS YOUR DECISION.  MY HUBBY AND I ARE RENEWING OUR WEDDING VOWS IN OCTOBER.  IN THE ENVELOPE, I TYPED SOMETHING THAT SAYS “THE LATTER PART OF THE RECEPTION WILL BE GROWN AND SEXY- ADULTS ONLY!  THE BEGINNING OF THE RECEPTION WILL BE KID FRIENDLY.  AFTER 1 1/2 HOURS, THE MUSIC WILL BE STRAIGHT UNCUT, BOTTY SHAKING, BUTT GRINDING MUSIC!!!  THE D.J. IS GOING TO MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT AT THE VERY BEGINNING OF THE RECEPTION AND EVERY 30 MINUTES LEADING UP TO THAT TIME.  IF YOU WANT MY PLAYIST , LET ME KNOW.  STRICTLY R-RATED. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    this is your decision but I would be offended if I had children and/or if i received an invitation that said adults only. I dont understand why adults only is necessary. If the reasoning made sense to me than maybe…

    Post # 14
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @bestbuddies:  hi there daniellealys. i know you are not talking to me directly, but i just wanted to comment.  for us, the main reason my husband and i wanted a part of the reception to be adults only is we monitor the music our girls (15, 7 and 3) listen to very closely.  the “clean version” of songs that are played on the radio are no so clean and the blanked out parts are very noticable.  some songs i personally like, but would not let my children listne to them.  For example, Trey Songz “Love Faces”.  I would never listen to that with our children in the room, but i definitely want that played at our reception.  anywho, just my 2 cents.  went to the circus, color, go to the playground, read, help wih writing, but i LOVE getting me some adult time.  some people might say, if you can’t listen to it with kids around, then maybe you shouldn’t listen to it.  to each his own.  there is a time and place for everything.         

    Post # 15
    Member
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    You can never make anyone happy if there are kids there will be people to comment how rowdie they were, if there arent there will be people to complain theirs cant come, so we mad the rule that if you arent in the wedding party (our son the RB) you arent invited as far as kids go. I think thats totally accpetable. 

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