Post # 1
One of my good friends was with her fiance about 6 years before getting engaged. About five months after she got engaged, my fiance proposed to me. We were only dating a year and a half before he proposed.
It took my friend about six months or so to book a venue, and they ended up deciding on a date in late April 2020. My fiance and I have booked our venue as well, for late March 2020, which just ended up working out for us due to venue availability and time of year we want to get married. They booked their venue/date before we booked ours, and we knew about their date prior to booking ours.
I should note my friend and I have a lot of friends in common who will be attending both of our weddings, and my friend and I are the first two in this “group” to get engaged. She confessed to me the other day that she is hurt that we went ahead and booked a date BEFORE her and her fiance’s date. Since she has waited so long to get engaged/married, she said she felt like it would have been “courteous” of us to let her and her fiance have the “first wedding” attention. And she doesn’t understand what the rush is with my fiance and I, given that we had (in her words) “so much time” and could have waited until after theirs.
Personally, us booking our date had nothing to do with trying to “cut in line” or “steal the glory.” It just worked out for us on that date, due to venue availability and wanting to get married then. COULD we have picked a later date? Probably, yes, but it honestly did not occur to me that we needed to wait until after their wedding for the sake of their feelings. The only thing I wanted to do with respect to their wedding was make sure we didn’t book the same date!
Was it rude of us to book a date before her wedding? She’s a very good friend and I care about her feelings, but this really never even crossed my mind prior to booking the date.
Post # 3
You are fine. You got the date that best suited you and your fiancé. She will get over it soon. That being said, you can’t judge her for feeling how she feels. She is entitled to her emotions and I can honestly see her point of view in this situation. usernamewastaken :
Post # 4
usernamewastaken : If many of the overlapping guests have to travel to both weddings, it might have been a good idea to space the weddings a bit more than one month.
Post # 5
Its only rude if you are making your friends travel long distances to attend both weddings in a short time period, or esentially make them choose between the two if they can’t afford to travel to both. If this isn’t the case, she is being completely bridezilla on this. You don’t need to put your life on hold because of her.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
I wouldn’t be mad at a friend if they booked their wedding a month before mine but will you be bridesmaids at each other’s weddings and will there be bachelorette parties and bridal showers that your mutual friends will attend? I’m just thinking that it could be a really busy time for both of you!
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
usernamewastaken : My best friend hasn’t been engaged as long as I have and booked her wedding 2 weeks before me.
I was just happy for her, and excited to attend.
Any other response is sour grapes. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Post # 8
I guess I should add that our mutual friends are local, as are both of our weddings. We are not bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. We are from the same group of “good” friends, but are not “best” friends, if that makes sense?
I’m not sure what her plans are with respect to bachelorette parties/bridal showers, but I’m not planning on having either of those events.
Post # 9
I can understand how she feels due to your shorter relationship and how close your weddings are (given that you booked much later), but as PP’s have said, the biggest concern might be guest inconvenience. However, in the end, this day is about you and your fiancé.
Post # 10
Your friend sounds entitled and dramatic. How was this even an issue? You are totally fine. Plus, it is called “wedding season” for a reason.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY
What on earth? I’m getting married June 22 and my friend is getting married June 8th and I literally have zero problems with it.
Post # 12
This is not a big deal and she will get over it. 4 couples in my friend group got married this year. We all booked within 3mos of eachother. We checked with eachother as we booked dates to make sure that we weren’t booking the same weekend, but other than that, it was not a thing. Two of the friends booked back to back weekends. We are all local as are all of the weddings. No one cared. And if your friend group gives you crap about stealing thunder, you need better friends.
Post # 13
You’re totally fine! My friend booked her wedding two weeks after mine (she did ask if I minded ahead of time, but I definitely didn’tt, and was even willing to move the original date we were looking at so she could have a date that was special to her!), and our other really good friend is getting married less than a month after hers! We’re all bridesmaids in each other’s weddings, and I’m even officiant/matron of honor for the friend whose wedding is the same month of mine. Its going to be a CRAZY summer of various parties and helping each other plan, but we’ve so far (6 months into planning, 4 months left until the first wedding) have been very good at being considerate and setting boundaries. For instance, when someone is talking about their wedding, we don’t hijack the convo and make it about our own, unless we have something relevant and helpful to contribute based on experiences we’ve been running into and such. All parties and time with other bridesmaids are dedicated exclusively to the bride whose event/bridesmaids they are (no spending her bachelorette talking about your own wedding, etc). We’ve also been considerate with things like choosing inexpensive bridesmaid gowns for each other as we each have our own weddings to pay for too, and knowing not to ask too many extra bridesmaid duties from each other in the weeks leading up to each wedding.
It’s a balance but we are managing and all of us still feel that we’re getting plenty of focus on each of our weddings 😊 and what’s more, we’re making it fun! It’s great to have a support system of bride friends (like the bee, but irl!) who are just as into wedding stuff as I am at the moment, to bounce ideas of each other. We have group crafting nights and rotate whose decor we work on each time. We’ve even gone in on a few decor pieces together that we all can use and can each style to our individual preferences (like floating candle holders- for my wedding, they’ll hold branches in the water, another friend is surrounding them with flowers, and the other will be using black candles). When we’re out looking for decor and such, if we see something another might like we send it their way.
Overall, yeah it’s a bit overwhelming at time, but ultimately we’re friends and we’re happy for each other and we’ve chosen to find joy in sharing this time together rather than getting competitive or worrying about any “spotlight”.
I hope your friend comes around and you can enjoy being brides together too! 😊
Post # 14
She gets one day. She should be happy that she and her bestie are going through this exciting stage together.
Post # 15
You did nothing wrong.
That doesn’t mean she won’t think you did and that she won’t be upset about it. Some people get crazy when it comes to weddings.