Is it rude to have my wedding a month before my good friend's wedding?

posted 1 month ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can understand being slightly upset that friends who have been together much less time are getting married at the same time (or before) you, as someone who was dating my husband for 7 years by the time we got married (within weeks of three other couples who had been together 2-3 years), but that is more about her and her relationship, and perhaps being unhappy that she had to wait, than you. 

Of the friends getting married when I did, we had one (5h drive) 3 weeks before, one (4h drive) 3 weeks after, and one (local) 4 weeks after. I just had fun having other people to talk to about things who knew the excitement/frustrations of wedding planning. I wanted August, weather wise, and other people made their own plans, and no one was worried about when anyone elses was 🙂

Post # 17
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

It didn’t cross your mind because it didn’t need to.

That said, this is the type of thing that if I was her I’d complain to my Fiance about in like a “I know I have no right to be upset, but just let me vent” kind of way, but I would’ve never shared that with you because I’d know it’s petty. I get her feeling but it is unfair of her to put a shadow on your day for this reason

Post # 18
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

usernamewastaken :  You’re fine. Her argument that it would have been “courteous” of us to let her and her fiance have the “first wedding: attention and that you have “so much time” is faulty. She and her fiance had many years to plan a wedding if they wanted to be “first”, and her time isn’t worth more than yours.

It reminds me of the woman who wanted my place in line because she was “busy”: I gently let her know so was I.

Post # 19
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

What’s next? Your due date is before hers when she “felt” she deserved to have “the first baby” since she waited for so long? You shouldn’t share the video of your baby’s first step because hers was born first and deserves it more? Homegirl is being competitive, not a good look.

Tell her that you are sorry she feels that way, your date was chosen based on you and your fiancé’s dreams and availabilities. You are excited for her and are looking forward to celebrate with her on her day as well. You might even share tips, stuff you wish you would have done etc. to make her day more special (or better since she is competitive) when her time comes. Then you let it go and be your cool self. If she can’t get over her princess self, understand that life doesn’t always goes her way and be there for you, her good friend, she is not much of a friend. And can go kick rocks.

Post # 20
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m getting married almost one month to the day earlier than one of my best friends. She got engaged and set her date first. But my FH and I weren’t worried about that, we were worried about our wedding and when the venue we wanted was available. So we booked it. Luckily my friend is mature and has zero issues with this.

Post # 21
Member
4135 posts
Honey bee

“First wedding attention” isn’t a thing.  You know why?  Because no one else cares. 

You get engaged – people congratulate you.  They’re happy for you.

You plan your wedding – people don’t care.  They’re busy living their lives.  They’re still happy for you, they just don’t care except in that general way you care that people you like are happy.

Your wedding day – people congratulate you.  They’re happy for you.  People really like eating and drinking.

The day after your wedding day – people don’t care.  They went back to living their lives.

 

You’re fine.  She’s either pissy about waiting for six years or is so attention seeking she thinks you’ll interfere with her getting attention – neither of which actually have anything to do with you because that’s just not how it actually goes (see above).  You don’t postpone your life for other people – especially not other people’s one day party.  You get a day.  She gets a day.  The end.

Post # 23
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I think you’re fine.

Anecdote – my partner and I were together 8 years before we got engaged last November, we have booked our wedding for February 2021. My best and oldest friend is imminently getting engaged to her partner, they have been together just over 1 year and will almost definitey get married before us.

I have no beef whatsoever, in fact, I see it as a positive because I will be able to get some inspiration from all the weddings I go to before my own!

I think your friend needs to get over herself and you need to not worry at all.

Post # 24
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - Montsalvat, Victoria

I don’t see the problem with this in the slightest bee! I have a friend who runs in the same social circle as us getting married 2 weeks prior to our wedding and she happened to book it later than we did. When she told us about it over dinner with everyone we were thrilled for her! The way I look at it is your wedding = your choice. I’m sure she will get over it in time and it was perhaps just an initial “knee jerk” reaction. 

Post # 25
Member
633 posts
Busy bee

This is so stupid- she has no right to an opinion on when you can have your wrdding. who cares that she’s been dating longer? You could have your wedding the day before hers if that’s what works for you and give no explanation. People act like they own the entire year they are getting married. As for pp speaking to coordinating travel of your friend group, no. These are separate events and you are separate people. It has nothing to do with the other and you actually DON’T have to take her wedding that is four weeks after yours into consideration. 

Post # 26
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee

If I’m being honest I would probably side eye it and be suspicious you were deliberately trying to get married before me due to the shorter relationship, shorter engagement and booking the wedding after I chose a date but before it, but I wouldn’t bring it up as it sounds very petty and if it was an isolated incident I would just accept that the date was convenient for you and nothing more. 

Has this been an issue in your friendship before? Are either of you competitive with these kinds of things? I’m asking because I have an ex friend who was extremely competitive and jealous when it came to engagements, weddings and kids. She felt entitled to be the first to do everything because she was older or had been “waiting longer”, and would literally turn against and end friendships with people in our friendship group who did things before her.

Some people unfortunately, see life as a competition and take everything personally. 

Post # 27
Hostess
3741 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

usernamewastaken :  Nope.  My best friend was in a similar situation (booked their wedding a month or so before a close friend who had been engaged first) and the other bride was definitely pissed, but we all thought she was being unreasonable.  You picked a date that works well for you and your F.H. and a month between the two isn’t so bad.  A lot of my friends are getting married around the same time as each other this year and it’s stressful and expensive to travel to all of them, but we make it work.  Your friends should be fine. 

Post # 28
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

usernamewastaken :  Everyone has their own reasoning for having their own timeline, nowadays there are people that get engaged but don’t have a wedding til years later (I was one of those ppl) and there are people that jump right on having their wedding. Nothing is wrong with either, but for some reason A LOT of brides are like your friend and have some sort of problem with another wedding being before/close to theirs. I honestly don’t understand the problem but I’ve seen so many posts with similar complaints. 

Personally I don’t find it rude for you to have your wedding before hers, but since she’s a good friend and it seems like she’ll be upset, try to be polite as possible with telling her your date. Assure her that it won’t “steal her thunder” or whatever other concerns she has. If that doesn’t work then unfortunately she’s too self-centered and there’s nothing you can do about that

Post # 29
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

Im obviously in the minority here but yes, in your friends shoes i would be  a bit annoyed to be honest. Even though I cant really explain why id feel that way exactly,  I know I would have. I guess its because they have  been together so much longer etc and wanted to be first in your group and the month before is definitely pretty close. In saying that,  you haven’t actually done anything wrong & you gotta do whats right for you! But she too is entitled to her feelings. 

Post # 30
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

usernamewastaken :  In your situation, I don’t see the issue. Go proceed with it!

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