(Closed) Is it rude to have not given everyone a +1 for a guest option?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We allowed guests for the following:

bridal party members

people travelling who wouldn’t know (m)any other people there

people in relationships (no matter how ‘serious’ as it’s not our job to judge anyone else’s relationship)

-after we received most of our replies, we had a few people ask if they could bring a guest, and since we were under our max (for venue as well as budget) we were happy to allow them.

 

I think you’ll only find yourself in “rude” territory if you refuse to allow people who are in relationships to bring their significant other.

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It is what it is. I don’t think it is the norm that everyone gets a +1, regardless of their social status. You shouldn’t have to cut family members to accomodate +1 dates (some who may just be a casual friend, not even dating).

We had a relatively small wedding but we ended up with more room than expected after we figured out the guest list. So we followed pretty much the same rules as DaneLady.

Post # 6
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You have draw the line somewhere. Don’t feel guilty about it.

We are doing

1.ouples who are married and dating over a year by the time we send out our invites. If they are close to one year we let them come.

2. Our out of town guest who don’t know multiple people at our wedding.

No one else is getting a plus one, and if they are bothered about it while it would be a little sad I can’t blame them for rsvping no

Post # 7
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Leemarie:  What would you do in an instance where someone were dating for 3 years, but you’d never met the other person?  I can see where that might get a bit sticky.

I only had a few people ask to bring a guest.  One friend coming from out of town (not too far, only about 2 hours, and she knew other people there) ask if she could bring her sister (who I know) and I said it was ok.  Another friend ended up getting back together with his girlfriend but they were apart when I sent the invitations, so when he called to ask if she was allowed I explained what happened and ok’d him to bring her as well.

I find it a bit of a gray area to put stipulations on other people’s relationships.  Only engaged or married couples?  Ok, but what about the couple who have been living together for 5 years and have kids together- they don’t get invited together because they’re not engaged?  Basically, it isn’t my place to pass judgements on anyone else’s relationship, so it’s not up to me to deem it ‘serious’ or not.  But I’m no expert on etiquette- that’s just my opinion 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It’s definitely not rude- you have a set budget/space and you can only invite as many people that will fit under that. An invitation is not a summons, if you invite someone and not give them a plus one, you’re not forcing them to come to your wedding alone. They can always have the option to decline if they don’t want to come without a plus one.

If people complain, explain to them that finances/space just don’t allow it, and you would like for them to be there but if they’re uncomfortable without a plus one you understand. What you can’t do is give in to some, because then others will view that as rude. I agree with PPs that a good “rule” is plus ones to the bridal party, out of towners who don’t know many and inviting established couples. I do think it’s rude to not invite established couples though. 

Post # 9
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It certainly isn’t rude, but try not to be surprised when people call to see if they can bring a date, and then don’t be surprised if they decide not to attend because they can’t…if I were invited to a wedding and I didn’t know anyone but the bride and groom and couldn’t bring a date…I’d have to think about that a little bit.

Post # 10
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

we did +1s for everyone – It was just easier that way

Post # 11
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We did +1s for:

–Bridal party

–Anyone in a relationship/engaged/married

Did not do them for singles.

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Not in anyway rude, just make up certain lines and follow them, rather then pick and choose throughout guestlist.

We are doing married, engaged or living together, the only exceptions are those that won’t know anyone outside of the wedding party.

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It is rude not to invite both parts of a couple, they are a social unit. We put everyone on our list as 2 so that if they were in a relationship by the time the invitations went out we had left room for them. It’s not our place to judge how serious a relationship is and any stipulations basically do that.

Post # 14
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Leemarie:  

 

Sounds like you have a tricky situation, but in my opinion, if you are going to invite someone to your wedding, it is considerate to allow them one guest, to make them feel more comfortable. I personally would not attend a wedding if the bride did not invite my spouse as well, I would feel completely awkward, no one to dine or dance with. 

Post # 15
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We had 6 or 7 guests (out of 195) who did not get a plus one on their invite ask us if they could bring a date. We had no idea any of these people were in relationships or we did not know their significant other that they had only been seeing a short time. The first two people we said “no” got all uppity (one declined the invite). After that we let everyone who asked bring because it was easier for us and less offensive for them. The two we said “no” to are no longer in those relationships and our wedding was in July! I’m thankful we said no! What a waste of money and time to allow someone that they broke up with less than two months later!

Post # 16
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

As long as it is a universal rule and not applied to only ‘certian’ guests (this is what my sister did… to me specifically! she did not like my Fiance so she would not allow me to have a +1, all water under the bridge now) then i do not think that it is tacky

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