(Closed) Is it rude to invite some people with guests and some not?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

No it isn’t rude at all. Married people or couples in serious relationships should be invited, but everyone doesn’t need to have a plus one.

That said, I think you should invite your cousin’s serious boyfriend. 2 years is pretty serious, imo. 

Post # 5
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@MissNachoLover: You’ll get lots of opinions on this topic. But for me personally, yes, I think its rude. I actually skipped my cousins wedding because I didnt get invited with a guest. My boyfriend and I had been living together for 3 years, but Im not close with my cousin so they had never met.

Post # 6
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MissNachoLover: I totally understand where you’re coming from but I do think you should invite your cousin with a +1. I know you’ve never met but you do know that they are in a serious relationship.

My cousin got married and didn’t invite my Fiance… We weren’t engaged at the time, but we’d been together for about 2.5 years and we were living together. They hadn’t met him yet either… I did go to the wedding, but I did feel a little miffed that I was over 18, in a serious relationship and was not allowed to bring my SO…

Post # 8
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MissNachoLover: Personally I think if you are inviting single friends with a +1 you need to extend that to all of your guests.

I understand budget constraints, but it’s really just not right to extend the +1 to some and not others. If want to narrow down the guest list I wouldn’t extend +1s to any single friends or family and keep +1s for those in long term relationships/engaged/married, etc.

Post # 10
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sort of in the same boat when deciding the plus ones. I have decided for my cousins, since none of them are in serious relationships, to invite just them. Now if one of them were, I would probably extend the +1. But also remember, it’s your wedding and make it what you want it to be. My fiance and I are 30 & 34 and footing the bill for the wedding and trying to make sure we don’t go overboard. Were hoping for 120 guests at the max, and would be happy if it was under 100 guests. Also note, that I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where I’ve asked someone or heard someone asked if they were allowed to bring a +1 or not. Don’t stress 🙂

Post # 11
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MissNachoLover: That’s a good line to draw. Many people invite guests for those who have been in a relationship a year or are living with their SO. It’s a pretty handy cut-off point.

Post # 12
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

I think as long as you are consistant, +1s for all those married, engaged, serious relationship, etc and none for those without.  

Post # 13
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

@MissNachoLover: Looks like you got it before my reply!  I like this idea!

Post # 15
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We’re in the same boat! This is a good post.

My sister got married a few years ago and she said that the typical rule of thumb is that anyone over the age of 18 should get a +1. We have some cousins that are around that age (in high school & college) that we know aren’t seeing anyone seriously. But their siblings are older and have significant others that we are +1’ing. I feel awkward to +1 one but not the other. But I don’t want all these cousins just bringing a friend because they can. This happened to my sister- a couple of her female coworkers brought a GIRL pal to the wedding! Totally tacky if you ask me.

Also, we have a couple of people we know are not in a relationship but are older and of the +1 age.  We just don’t trust who they’d bring (particularly a FCIL who is a big stitch in my side and dates big time losers-trust me, one just went to jail). She is 30 and her brother is 28 or 29 I think. Thankfully they still live at home with their parents so I’m thinking we just send one invitation to the XYZ Family, so that they don’t get their own invitations that would have to be and guest. I feel like this is bad ettiquette too though.

Post # 16
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the suggestions to draw the line at serious relationship.

The other thing that my Fiance and I plan to do is include +1s for single friends of ours who don’t know anyone else who will be attending our wedding.  We have just a few friends who don’t know any of our other friends/family, and I know they would be uncomfortable and/or wouldn’t have much fun if they couldn’t bring a date!  We want everyone to enjoy themselves, and this was a relatively easy decision for us because we don’t know too many people who are in this situation.  But those who are will get a +1!

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