(Closed) Is it rude to invite some people with guests and some not?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I think it depends on the wedding, the couple and the event. For us, our wedding is going to be 90 people tops including the wedding party and our families. We want it to be small and include only those who we know and love – not strangers. I will of course extend invitations to the wives&husbands/fiancés/long-term relationship partners of those who apply – but I do have some single friends, and I honestly think they will be just fine without a +1. I don’t plan on having a “singles” table like you see in movies & TV, and instead plan to group people so that most tables will be friendly faces (eg. my work friends, our college friends, my high school friends, etc.).

I just don’t want strangers at my wedding. It’s a very intimate, personal event for me and I want to look around the room and know who every single person is. I don’t think that makes me a rude person, you know?

Post # 33
Member
6401 posts
Bee Keeper

We can only invite up to 50 to the wedding breakfast, and we’re already at 48, without any of my BMs or my OHs single friends bringing plus one’s, so, we’re screwed if between now and the wedding they all suddenly get into a serious relationship.. If that happens we’ll probably invite their SOs just to the evening ‘do, and hope that that’s OK. I’m hoping that because numbers are SO tight, people will understand.

In your case, because you have more space to play with, I think it’s a bit trickier. If we had more space, we would invite serious partners, and that for me wouldn’t just be limited to people who are engaged/married; I do think 2 years is a significant amount of time to have been with someone. I also think that if a lot of your guests are bringing plus one’s, then to exclude just a handful could cause issues/offence.

Ultimately it’s your day, and if you don’t have the space, you don’t have it; you could always do as we’re doing and invite them along to the evening?

Post # 34
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think it is rude at all. I think if someone is in a serious relationship that is different OR they will not know a soul at the wedding they should be allowed. We allowed a family member who was 21 to bring a date who wasn’t in a serious relationship. She invited her best friend guess what her BFF was a no show the day of the wedding! I was not impressed.

Post # 35
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ve been thinking about this as well. If we decide to have guests for all cousins 18+ – how do you go about inviting them if they still live with their parents? I was thinking of putting “We’ve reserved 4 seats in your honor” (Parents, cousin and guest), but not sure if they would completely understand the 4th person is the cousins guest – especially in households with 2 or more cousins still living with their parents and in cases where the cousins don’t have a SO.  And we’re having meal choices. It’s kind of complicated lol…. Any ideas?  Do we send a separate invite for the cousins?

Post # 36
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Also, keep in mind that many people attend weddings alone and it doesn’t bother them in the least. It’s definitely not rude to invite someone to come solo. But if that is done for one person, then it has to apply to everyone else who is single as well.

@Beena, for guests who live with their parents, it depends on the age. Under 18s share the same invite as the parents. 18+ gets their own invites, regardless of where they live.

Post # 37
Member
1795 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should draw a line to determine +1 like PP said. BUT if you have friends who probably won’t know anyone else at the wedding, I’d give them a +1 regardless. I just think it would be awkward as friend not knowing anyone, but family members know each other at least.

Post # 38
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do not think it is rude, especially if you have never met the guest and are not that close with the person.  I definitely would not be giving them a plus one.  Basically all of my friends are in serious relationships, so if I gave them all a +1 I would not be able to invite my friends.  I am opting to give the friends in my bridal party a +1, and my other friends do not get one.  I am concerned one of them may get engaged before the wedding happens, but I am still drawing my line that if you are not in the bridal party, you do not get a +1.  As for our cousins, we are only giving those out of college a +1.  We are at about 140 people just with ouy immediate familes (siblings, aunts, uncles, first cousins) so once we invite friends we are at about 170, so letting many people being guests just is not feasible unless we want to not invite all of our friends or some of our family. 

Post # 39
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Beena:  In your case I would probably send separate invitations.

Post # 40
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Ember78: &
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@KristenGotMarried: Thank you! I was thinking of doing that – but Fiance thought it might be a waste to send seperate invites to the same household. But Weddingbee wins!

Post # 42
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MissNachoLover: It is perfectly fine to hold those feelings.  I think many of us do – the distinction is whether you act on those feelings.  Just be aware that you will quite possibly offend people in serious relationships (those engaged in particular!) and cause irreparable harm to your relationships with those people if you refuse to invite their SOs.

Post # 44
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a slightly different opinion – but this comes from my personal perspective and not from any kind of appropriate etiquette.  I’m basing it on whether I think the guest “needs” a date.  If they are friends with a lot of other people attending the wedding, then I feel like it’s okay for them to come solo.  They will have plenty of people to sit with and socialize with.  If it is a friend of mine who doesn’t have much connection to my other frends or family, then they get a date, because otherwise they might feel pretty lonely.  I’m also making it abundantly clear on their invitation that they are invited as a single (I actually started a recent thread on how to do this, and got really helpful responses).  If the person is someone who is very close to me, then I am giving them a plus one just because they matter to me, or if their significant other is someone I at least know and see periodically.  But for the most part I’m giving plus ones on an as-needed basis.  Some people may not like that, or may be annoyed that they didn’t get to bring a date, but honestly I feel like that’s really insensitive.  Weddings are not only expensive, they are a day for you to share with those who are close to you.  It’s not a random block party where people can just bring whoever they like.

Post # 46
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think if you can address the invitation by name to all of the people you want invited, then it should only have the main invitee. Basically if you have to use “guest” as their name then they shouldnt be coming. If there is a serious relationship and you know the persons name, then they should be invited…. justmy opinion

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