(Closed) Is it rude to not bring a gift to the wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

why not bring a card and give them the gift of a dinner out together after the wedding? give them a cute ” date night” voucher. or even just a bottle of champagne with a card?

Post # 18
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would bring something small atleast.  I also have heard you have up to one yer after the wedding to get the couple a gift.  Maybe if you got them a card you could get something that says… gift soon to follow or something.  Then maybe you could have a bit of time to get your finances in order.

Post # 19
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m in a similar situation. It’s basically: either go to the wedding as a bridesmaid killing our budget, literally eating ramen and knowing its worth it to see my best friend get married and not bring them a gift OR not go an send a check. 

 

I’d rather the first option and I”m sure they would too.

Post # 20
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t expect gifts from the people who are in the wedding party particularly people who are travelling from the wedding party, however, I will be really honest here (and probably get bashed) but I think I do expect a least something small from my relatives and friends with jobs.

Post # 21
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If I were in that situation, I’d bring a card to the wedding and make sure to get a gift later (within a couple of months).

EDIT:I don’t necessarily think it’s rude to not bring a gift though.

Post # 22
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  don’t worry about it. honestly, I don’t even remember who brought gifts or who didn’t. 

Post # 23
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  just take them a card to show that you thought of it. a gift isn’t mandatory.

Post # 24
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

A gift is just that – a gift! I agree with getting a card and writing a decent length heartfelt message, though. Anyone who receives that for their wedding and still whines because it’s not money or a household item can go stuff themself!

Post # 25
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Personally, I would never show up to a wedding empty-handed. I also gift the same amount at each wedding by how close I am to the bride and groom, not altering it for the type of wedding they have or if I have to pay to travel to their wedding, etc.

Post # 26
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think gifts are requried.  If it were me, I’d bring a card with a nice message. I’ve heard you can send a gift up to a year after the wedding, so if down the road you can afford a gift, I’d send one later.   

Or, go the cheap DIY route? Gifts don’t have to necessarily be expensive. (For example, my Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t afford a gift for me for my shower. So, she bought a cheap frame at Kohl’s on sale and cut out half a heart on a road map of my home town and half a heart of my Fiance home town and pasted them together to make a whole heart. It was a lovely gesture that now hangs in our home.  It was super cheap, but extemely thoughtful)

Also, I’m thinking your SO has to be pretty good friends with the groom since he is in the wedding.  If I were him I’d probably mention to the groom the lack of gift and the fact that its tough financially at this point in time but hopes to get something for him in the future. 

Post # 27
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  IMO and speaking as a GUEST, there is a cost to attending a wedding. Whether it be travel, accomodations, clothing, gifts, etc., weddings are not inexpensive to attend. I’m sure we can all agree to that.

If I was attending AS A GUEST, I would feel an obligation to bring a gift. In figuring out the amount to gift I would likely consider the amount of money I spent travelling and my relationship with the couple as well. I’m not saying go broke trying to make folks happy but a token gift, in my opinion, is expected and appreciated.

 

Post # 28
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

If I were a guest, I would never show up to a wedding without some kind of gift. However, you have special, extenuating circumstances. Getting a gift within a few months of the wedding is appropriate. I think it would be fair for your boyfriend to pull his best friend aside sometime and to explain that your gift will be arriving after the wedding.

 

Post # 29
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think just a card is fine, write something really sweet and thoughtful in it.

I don’t expect gifts from any out of town guests! I already feel a little guilty that it’s costing them so much. (We’re having a destination wedding, so that’s every single guest.)

But I would love if people give us some really sweet cards! Your friend probably knows that you had to spend to be there. I would hate for any of my friends to be stressing over $$ for a gift.

Post # 30
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

They’re not *required*…but how many threads have you seen on here started by brides along the lines of “can-you-believe-these-cheap-SOBs-had-the-balls-not-to-bring-a-gift”? So no, you dont have to, but realize that there’s a chance they may notice and take offense.

I vote a card at the very least 🙂

Post # 31
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  When I was a dirt poor college student, I would always give a card with a heartfelt message and a nice bottle of wine.

I have also seen people do something like this: https://www.google.com/search?q=wedding+invitation+christmas+ornament+pinterest&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=2l6_UaaQC4Xy0gHF8oC4Dg&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=547&bih=174

Where they cut the wedding invitation and put it in a clear ornament with a little charm on it or paint the wedding date and the couple’s names on the front as a cute little momento of their first Christmas as a married couple. If I were given that, I would think it was soo sweet!

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