Post # 1
Long story short is this: Fiance helps financially support both his mother, his sister and her 2 kids (and pretty much the sisters Boyfriend or Best Friend at this point as well…). Yeah. Anyway, we are having a super small Justice of the Peace wedding + dinner (9 guests total, including the kids) in a very nice 5-star hotel in the city. My parents have graciously offered to pay for the entire affair, something I was not expecting them to do. In addition, as part of their gift to us, they have booked us a beautiful suite in the same hotel for the night. My parents/grandmother are not staying in the city for the night, they live about 1/2 hour away so they are driving home. But FI’s family is about 1.5 hours away and they have asked us to get them a hotel for the night. Fiance thinks it’s rude to put them up in a different hotel down the street from us, but the hotel where we are marrying/staying is going to cost about $1500 just for 1 night to put them up. Other nice hotels within a few blocks will run us about $500 instead. Fiance also feels obligated to give them a 5-star hotel experience because he claims they never get to do anything nice. I totally appreciate that he wants to give his family a great experience, but I think the price tag is outrageous. On my side of the argument, I don’t think it’s fair, then, that my parents paid for the whole thing AND gave us a suite as a gift, and then ask them to drive home that night while he & I shell out over $1,000 for his family to stay at the hotel. Thoughts??
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence
I would put them in a different hotel. My mom booked us into a suite at a different hotel than our guest block — I would have never thought to seperate ourselves but after the fact I realized it was an awesome idea because we were finally truly alone. We ate breakfast at the hotel restaurant without anyone bugging us. We were able to walk around in the halls without having to be ‘on’ for guests.
That, and if you’re paying for it, you should be able to dictate where that money is going. I think if they’re getting a free room they should take what you offer them, be it at a fancy hotel or not. If they want something better, they can pay for it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@ElizMis: $500 vs $1500 is a pretty big difference… is it within your means to put them up in your hotel? Well then I would say go along with your Fiance. Is it stretching your budget? Then tell your FI’s family that the hotel you are all staying at is booked up but you were able to find a close alternative. Basically I see both sides of the argument, and what it would boil down to for me is whether or not we can (comfortably) afford it. I guess another question is does your FI’s family automatically assume that you will pay for their stay? Maybe you can cover half and half or something if possible.
Post # 5
I don’t see the reason why they can’t make a 3-hour round trip in one day or are expecting someone else to pay for their choice?
Our out of town guests are getting the information for 4 hotels on the wedding website- reception hotel plus 3 others, within a 5 block walk. I’d suggest they get e-mailed information about hotels in the area and they can make their own choice and reservation.
Post # 6
I agree you either put up your family in the same hotel, so both families get to reap this experience or neither family does.
IF you can’t afford it you should.
Post # 7
I would not be comfortable with spending $1500 on one night for someone who wasn’t me. I really think you should go with the cheaper one, especially since you and your Fiance are supporting them.
Personally, I don’t see why they can’t just drive home. But to each their own.
Post # 8
I would put them in a different hotel. Thats a big differents on money, and anyway if they never go out then just staying in a hotel will be a luxery…
Post # 9
I suggest putting up a poll for this topic. I vote different hotel! Your fancy hotel suite was a GIFT. Just because your Fiance is financially supporting his mom and sister and her kids doesn’t mean that you guys are obligated to provide the same gift you received to them.
I would tell your Future In-Laws that you would have stayed in the same hotel in them but your parents upgraded you, and therefore you will be staying in a different hotel. It’s not like you’re putting them up in a dump, right? They should be fine.
Post # 10
I also wish that they would drive home for the night – I guess they have issues with driving at night & also driving in the city. I feel that having them come up and stay the night means we are obligated to do breakfast with them or some other activity the next day. Technically we can afford to put them in the more expensive hotel, but it really rubs me the wrong way, especially since a) our money helps support them in general and b) this is rude to MY family, that they don’t get to partake in this nice experience. My compromise to Fiance is that we pay for them to stay the night, but at a more reasonable hotel. He just thinks it’s rude to ask them to stay somewhere else. I don’t agree with that, but trying to convince him otherwise is proving to be very tricky. He is very held up on the “right thing to do”, regardless of how much it will cost.
Post # 11
@ElizMis: Fiance also feels obligated to give them a 5-star hotel experience because he claims they never get to do anything nice.
Of course they do. They’re going to a wedding at a 5-star hotel and then being put up for the evening in a nice hotel nearby. If that doesn’t translate to “anything nice” in your FI’s world, then I question his sanity.
It sounds like you’re not thrilled at the current financial arrangement (to say the least) but you didn’t ask for opinions on that, so I won’t address it.
Post # 12
OP, siding completely with you. You and FH should not spend $1500 to put his family up in the hotel…I would think that’s a slap in the face to your parents who are graciously paying so much for your wedding so YOU and FH can use that money for your future (NOT to pay for his family to stay). Putting them up in a hotel period is a very gracious gesture on your part.
Post # 13
You know what would be rude? If you didn’t invite them to the wedding. Put them in a different hotel.
Post # 14
i think its really weird that his family even asked for you guys to pay for their hotel when they live only an hour and half away. They don’t deserve a nice evening, you do! Because you’re getting married! It’s your day, not theirs.
Frankly, I would be worried that your Fiance is going to feel they should always be included, on your dime.
Post # 15
I would put your foot down on this one. You already pay for their daily living so now you are expected to pay $1500 for a hotel room for 1 night? Your parents gifted you the suite probably to save you $, not so you could spend said money on your ILs.
Once you are married is your money going to pay for his family? I understand helping out a parent but a sister, her kids AND her boyfriend? That is ridiculous. I’d have a long talk about my money vs his money and honestly if he continued to pay their way I’d keep my finances seperate.
Post # 16
I think you should put them in a different hotel. That is way to much for 1 night.