(Closed) Is it rude to receive gifts or have a shower if you already live together?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is it rude? Don’t be silly. Of course it isn’t. Only a rude prude would look down on you for going through the same rituals and celebrations as any other couple getting married.


I live with my fiance, ew have for two years. I’m not havign a shower because my family is too spread out to get togetehr for that sort of thing. But if that weren’t the case, we’d be doing evvvvvverything any other couple feels entitled to.


XD Don’t look down on premarital cohabitation! That’s old school, yo!

Post # 4
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Also- having a shower isn’t really your choice. Same thing for receiving gifts. If there’s a shower, it’s because someone else threw it for you- not your choice. Ppl bringing gifts is also their own choice. As long as you don’t list your registry in your wedding invites, you’ll be fine. I’ve been to showers and weddings for a bunch of ppl who lived together before the wedding and I gave gifts or $ because I wanted to. 

Post # 5
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Nope!  What about couples where they each lived on their own?  They would have two sets of their own stuff.  It doesn’t mean it’s good stuff.

Post # 6
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Personally I think that wedding showers are extremely tacky gift grabs and I won’t be having any. There is no reason to create a second event for the sole purpose of getting presents. People can give us gifts at our wedding.

Baby showers are different to me because they ARE the sole event.

Post # 7
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

As long as you aren’t planning/throwing the shower, it’s not rude!

Post # 8
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@BEWLove:  my Fiance and I have lived together for 2 years and while not expecting presents we do have a registry! We got together in college and most of our stuff is not going to make the move with us. It is so not rude for you to register and if someone wants to throw you a shower let them!!

Post # 9
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@JLR1982:  Someone else throws the shower, rarely is it something the couple has much involvement in.  I had no say in it with my first marriage.  I didn’t plan it, didn’t see the guest list, just showed up when I was told.  It was thrown by the ladies in the church that I grew up in as a child.  I don’t know if you know ladies like that, but not showing up would have been worse than… there are no words.  I kept the registry modest, and really that was all I could do. 

The point of the showers is to help out a new couple that is not expected to have much as they are starting a new life.  Its part of a community thing, and I feel like we’ve moved away from that.  Weddings are supposed to be the celebration of the couple and not a place to judge how much fool and alcohol was given to determine what gifts the couple would get.

OP if people want to give you gifts they will.  Be gracious, send a thank you in a timely fashion, and enjoy taking this time to build your lives together.

Post # 10
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jilleeann:  I will say “thanks, but no thanks” and expect them to respect my wishes.

Post # 11
6422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that it’s part of the tradition of supplying the bride with things for the married life! I would just register for items that are practical. My sister bought new plates and pans and re-registered for more which was weird. Its an opportunity to get more than just basic stuff! 

Post # 12
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Um…no? My Fiance and I have lived together for almost three years.

Post # 13
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is never rude to receive a gift. It is only rude to ask for gifts.

Most people understand that many couples live together with all sorts of hand me downs and borrowed things, and a shower and/or wedding gift is a chance to update their home.

Post # 15
18 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

[comment moderated for trolling]

Post # 16
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@BEWLove:  I think if a couple have been living together for a while, a shower may be a little gift grabby.  Showers are designed to help a couple get the things they need for their home for their new life together.  Clearly a couple liiving together for years have already began a new life together so I think there is a forfeit there.  They are entitled to a gift at the actual wedding though.

I’m sure that everyone won’t agree with this though especially as so many live witih their so’s.

View original reply
@JLR1982:  +1

The topic ‘Is it rude to receive gifts or have a shower if you already live together?’ is closed to new replies.

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