(Closed) Is it rude to receive gifts or have a shower if you already live together?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
2935 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I look at it this way. You probably don’t and won’t have EVERYTHING you need because A. house stuff is freaking expensive and B. if you’re using used stuff (my SO and I are too) sometimes it breaks sooner than anticipated and you’d need to buy a new one of whatever it is anyway.

I wouldnt ask for a ton of big ticket items, but if you make a registry with things you need like towels, and pots and pans and stuff like that I doubt people will think it’s rude. I mean come on who doesnt need new towels??

Post # 18
47 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

Not at all!

Post # 19
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

No, if someone doesn’t want to attend the shower, they don’t have to. chances are, though, that people will still be happy to attend and wish you well

Post # 20
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Not at all. It sounds like you’ll need some upgrades! 

Post # 21
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like, even though you’ll have lived together for some months before getting married, you really won’t be “established” with all of the things you need for a household.  I don’t think it would be at all tacky for a friend or relative to throw you a shower.


Post # 22
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I think it would be fine, especially since you guys seem like anything you get would be actually used and appreciated. Showers are to celebrate your engagement and to help the couple start their live off together with gifts, and so even if its been some time I wouldn’t see it as a gift grab but a way to help you guys along. 

Post # 23
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The vast majority of people getting married these days already live together. You should absolutely create a registry full of housewares that you need or want for your life together with your husband to be. People will expect this and will enjoy giving you the things that you have chosen! Not rude at all.

Post # 24
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@BEWLove:  good post, I was wondering the same thing.  We have lived together for years and we kinda have a lot of stuff. But a lot of it was ruined by recent flood damage. I was also wondering if it was rude to have a shower and ask for nice things.

Post # 26
1693 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

it’s not rude. DH and i lived together for a couple years before getting married but we never had anything nice like a set of pots and pans or glassware. we had some random hand me downs from my mom (we had 1 frying pan and 1 pot and that’s it). we didn’t have any good knives or flatware. we registered for stuff like that because we needed it. if someone thinks it’s rude, then they need to stop judging. just because a couple lives together first, doesn’t mean they have everything they need for their home/apartment.

Post # 27
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Another vote for no, it’s not rude.

Post # 29
4 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

Listen to @muppetfan up there. 

If someone offers to throw you a shower, accept graciously, only invite those invited to the wedding, and make sure you register for a multitude of price points!


Post # 30
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@AB Bride:  +1 

For the people who are saying folks who already live together are being gift-grabby, does that same mentality apply if either person or both have lived on their own already? Obviously, in that situation, there should theoretically be enough stuff for a household with the possible exception of enough dinnerware. 

View original reply
@Lily_of_the_valley:  Eek! Nobody with an ounce of humanity in his/her heart would look down on you for registering for things since you went through a disaster like that. Don’t give it a second thought. Your loved ones will be happy to give you those gifts.

View original reply
@BEWLove: Yay for people being nice! You don’t have to worry. I doubt anyone who knows the two of you are even going to think twice about your registry.   

Post # 31
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, we’re not living in the 1950’s … if it was rude to give gifts to people who already lived together, giving gifts at weddings would be a rare thing. 

The topic ‘Is it rude to receive gifts or have a shower if you already live together?’ is closed to new replies.

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