Is it rude when people speak another language around you?

posted 4 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
1219 posts
Bumble bee

I always wonder if they’re talking crap about me in another language lol 

Post # 32
14965 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Only if it’s used to exclude me.  At work?  if it’s in a meeting, or possibly pertains to me, then yes, it’s rude.  If it’s people just shooting the shit, then by all means, use the tongue you’re most comfortable with.  As far as with SO and family… I’m the one guilty of this in my relationship and I dont see it as rude cause it’s not meant to purposely exclude.  It’s just really hard to not converse in your native tongue wiht your parents.  Darling Husband has mentioned it a bunch, just that he feels left out so I do try to make an effort to at least keep my side in English, or fill him in.

Post # 33
4532 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

socalgirl1689 :  depends on the scenario. When it’s done to deliberately exclude you and keep you from understanding what is being discussed, then it is rude. If its spoken because it naturally comes easier, then I would definitely not think it’s rude. 

Your friend maybe should reconsider what she is marrying into if she genuinely doesn’t understand what it is like to have your mother tongue and culture be different to where you live. I highly doubt her fiancé and his family are speaking their mother tongue to be rude or exclude her. They are most likely speaking in a language that comes naturally to them and maybe one they can feel they can express themselves better in.

I’m a child of migrant parents. My parents were young children when they came here and as a result are fluent speakers of English but my grandparents never fully grasped the English language. My parents childhood was a bridge between two languages and as a result they’d basically jump between the two without real conscious thought. My parents still jump between languages at home with eachother and us kids. I find it interesting to examine what topic is being discussed when they make the jump from English to their mother tongue. Usually they are talking about their childhood/past, my grandparents or something very specific to our culture. My dad came here as a 10 year old. He went through school here and is more educated  than most (completed multiple university degrees) and he told me a few years ago that  even after almost 65+ years, he still dreams in Italian. 

Lol… I wonder if any other bees of migrant parents had this expirience too!? As kids we could tell how much trouble we were in based on which language our parents chose to tell us off in! If you heard English, it was just a small talking to. If you heard Italian you knew you were majorly busted! If my dad told you off in Sicilian dialect, you knew it was time to start praying for divine intervention!! 😉

Honestly though, your friend needs to understand the nuance of what she is marrying into. Her fiancé’s life has probably been heavily influenced by living a life where you learn to straddle two worlds and two cultures. It makes him who he is. Would she object to any children of theirs, learning her fiancé’s language or partaking in cultural elements of where he is from? Have they discussed stuff like this? This stuff can really cause issues down the line if they are not in agreement and it doesn’t sound like your friend is particularly open to this stuff if him talking a primary language to his family in her presence, upsets her….

Post # 34
4532 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Public Service Announcement 😜

 To all you bees wondering if people are talking crap about you when they speak in another language. People tend to lower their voice subconsciously when they are saying something they don’t want others to hear. They naturally do this even if they are speaking in a language that the know others around them don’t understand. If you hear a change of language, plus a change in volume they are most likely talking about you or discussing something they don’t want you to understand. 

Post # 35
135 posts
Blushing bee

Yes, as someone who can speak a few languages….what you think is people talking about you in a different language, is usually people talking about a car engine or how they ate a donut for breakfast. Stop thinking everyone is talking about you. Kind of self-centered thinking to be honest. 

Post # 36
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I deal w patients all day going and I also live in Southern California , I do feel a bit odd waiting to be included when they feel like they need the privacy of thier language to discuss certain things but I am not bothered. Most of the time I’m trying to decipher words and clues lol

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