(Closed) Is it rude…..

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Maybe you could talk with your future SIL and see what she thinks?  Tell her you really want her to be a part of your wedding, but ask if she has any concerns about being able to take on the role.

If she has any reservations whatsoever, maybe you could approach your friend and say you want her to be a PA, but there is a chance you might need her to step up and be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I would definitely try to find the best wording to avoid it looking like a "last resort."  
I think if you approach both people with this right at the beginning, then it will seem less like a last resort.  If a couple months before your wedding you call your PA and say "Oh… by the way… I need you to be a BM" that might not be taken as well.  Just be up front with her from the beginning.  But talk to your future SIL first.

Post # 4
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Yes I think it is horrifyingly rude to ask her to step down from her Bridesmaid or Best Man role to be a PA instead, just because she might be pregnant.  I know you want everything perfect for your wedding and all symmetrical and whatever, but EVERYONE will understand that a pregnant woman needs to wear a maternity dress and it won’t matter if she’s not in exactly the same dress as everyone else!  She will look cute, not non-matching, as a pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man in the photos.

Post # 5
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

i don’t know if i would have someone agree on when to schedule to have another baby, just around my wedding.

one of my friends was a preggo bridesmaid, and it was very cute!

Post # 6
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

My sister had a pregnant bridesmaid in her wedding.  At the time of the wedding the bridesmaid was 7 months  and I don’t think it affected the wedding at all.  She wore a slightly different dress in the same material and waddled down the aisle.

I say let your SIL decide if she wants to be in the wedding party.  Personally I don’t see it as an issue being pregnant and a bridesmaid, Especially at 1 to 3 months.  It’s not like you’re asking her to jump out of a plane or something health-hazardous. 

Its your wedding party,  If you don’t care about having a Pregnant bridesmaid then let her know. 

Post # 7
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think having a pregnant bridesmaid is fine…. unless SHE has a problem with it.  If she does, and decides not to be your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, I wouldn’t have someone replace/fill in for her.  It’s kind of insulting to them that they’re just a back-up. 

If you’re SIL is pregnant and is still in the wedding but needs a slightly different dress, I really don’t think you should worry about it — I bet no one will notice.  Everyone will be too busy looking at the bride to care!!!! 

Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

*Phew*

So glad it worked out and sorry I misunderstood.  I did think it was awfully selfish the way I thought you meant it, but it sounds like the opposite is the case!!  Also, sorry if I came across as kind of blunt.  I am a very straightforward kind of person which people either love or hate about me, but sometimes it comes off a little more blunt in writing than in person… eek, I must work on that.

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