(Closed) Is it safe to keep hoping, waiting, praying?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you should just talk to him. You guys have been through so much together and he knows how you feel about what you want in the future. It shouldn’t surprise him when you bring it up. You deserve to know whether he has truly changed his mind about wanting to get married. If he really doesn’t want what you do, then you need to go. The only thing worse than wasting almost 4 years waiting is wasting another one. Good luck! 

Post # 4
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As for hoping you will be engaged on or by your anniversary, I don’t think you should expect anything if you haven’t spoken seriously about when you want to get engaged. Sure, he can say that he wants to get engaged, but if he has not given you a small timeline, I would not expext it to happen within a small timeframe. You need to talk, and you need to assert your desires. Try to make concrete plans for a good proposal time, and gauge his reaction. If it doesn’t seem like he had made plans, start talking about months and plans. 

If you keep waiting, you may find yourself waiting for a long time. Waiting for a proposal is very different than waiting to get a general idea about when it could happen.

Post # 5
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m going through something similar, and I totally feel your conflict. Lots of things that you’ve said have sounded like great things: you made it explicit that this was a condition of you being with him, he realized on his own that he didn’t want to be without you, he’s openly talking about the ring, and he’s vocal about how he’s feeling and when he realizes that he’s wrong. And, aside from the engagement worries, you seem happy with the relationship.

So could you talk to him specifically about the anniversary? He obviously knows how much angst the engagement topic has caused you. So you can bring that up, not in the name of “why hasn’t it happened yet,” but rather as a matter of “I want to enjoy our relationship as it is now and I want to enjoy our anniversary, but I’m feeling anxious that I’ll be hoping that you’ll ask me to marry you and that I won’t be able to focus on the here and now. I’d feel much better if I knew that you have a plan in mind and that it’s going into action soon so that I can just sit back and know that it’ll be soon instead of worrying about how long I should wait before I conclude that you didn’t really want to do this.”

That’s not as elegant as I’d like, but that could be the right sentiment. I’m thinking of trying it on my SO so that I’m not miserable for the next 6 months.

Post # 7
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

I would talk to him…did you talk to hime? How did it go?

Post # 8
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly, since you said money isn’t an issue, I wouldn’t have got back with him unless he had proposed.

I know men (for example my uncle) who don’t want to get married and don’t want children, and there is nothing wrong with that, but they have made it clear to their partners. 

If I were you I’d set myself a deadline, e.g. six months, if by the end of the six months he hasn’t proposed then leave for good.

Let us know how it went and good luck!

Post # 10
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

@kaylaann:  I think it all sounds very promising. But, since this has become such an issue, you have to just prepare for the possibility that he will say whatever he has to to keep you around- and due to the breakups etc, he now knows EXACTLY what that is.

Valentines Day isnt that far away! As long as you have an end date not too far in the future, I commend your patience. I certainly don’t have it in my situation!

Keep us posted!

Post # 11
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Getting married is a joint lifetime decision. Its not something you sit back and hope and pray for. I agree with PP that you really need to sit and talk with him. Youre both adults and have been through enough that a conversation won’t scare him away.

Post # 13
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@kaylaann Of course it’s really hard for you and naturally you want to hope he is going to propose but try and prepare yourself to the possibility of him not doing it, this way if he does you will be even happier!

if he doesn’t propose on s.Valentines you should speak to him and tell him your leaving and if he wants you back he can come and propose and hope you will still be interested 

My only worry would be that if he isn’t even proactive in proposing you will always have to be the one pushing for certain things, after he proposed he may just settle down and find all sorts of excuses to not set a date, and maybe after your married to push back having kids ecc.ecc.

Do you really want to deal with that all your life?

The topic ‘Is it safe to keep hoping, waiting, praying?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors