(Closed) Is it safe to say engagement is off for now?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My now-husband lost his job 3 months before he proposed. He didn’t get another full-time job again until 9 months after we were married. His lack of a job wasn’t any reason for us not to get married– we were living together, able to afford life on my salary, and were ready to be Mr & Mrs– it can be done!

Post # 4
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

just cause he loss a job doesnt mean you guys cant be together. dont push a proposal.

Post # 6
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@southernbelle381:  My then SO was made redundant mid 2012 (3 days before we were leaving on a month long trip to Europe – good timing!). He picked up some contract work till December but then was unemployed. He still asked me to marry him in early January! So yes, it can happen. Admittedly he did not think he would be out of work that long (he ended up getting a few contracts about 4 months later and then full time work again 6 months later, which is longer than he had hoped) but we knew we wanted to get married and do it before I turned 30. We weren’t going to be in the poorhouse by being on only one salary – it just made us think very carefully about how much we wanted to spend on each portion of the wedding and what was important.

Post # 7
2415 posts
Buzzing bee


I haven’t personally gone through this, but I agree with OldMrsMcDonald that it can be done regardless of your job situations, because two can live together more cheaply than if they were living apart.

It really depends on your individual financial situations, though.

I think too that one of the morals of this story is that when you do reach that point where you’re married/living together, to try your best to live below your means so that you’re able to put money away for emergencies; or better yet, figure out a way to live on just one of your incomes, as OldMrsMcDonald mentioned. The couples I know who are really financially secure do this. 

Anyway, best of luck to you and I hope you two get this figured out soon!

Post # 8
234 posts
Helper bee

Just focus on being as supportive and caring for him as you can right now -this is huge hit to his ego and he’s going to need some time. Just give him the time, space, and support he needs and the rest will happen in its own good time.

Post # 9
523 posts
Busy bee

I think it all depends on your circumstances. Are both of you comfortable being engaged and possibly married while he is unemployed? Will you be able to support yourselves?


If you don’t want to risk it, as you said, I wouldn’t assume anything. Instead, I would talk to him about it. Who knows, maybe he’s scared that you want it to be off! Good luck!

Post # 10
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

July is plenty of time, for one. Second, how do you know he hasn’t already purchased a ring? I wouldn’t worry about a proposal being off the table. Just be there to support him (which I’m sure you will be) and when he can manage to put a ring on it (haha) I’m sure he will!

Post # 15
523 posts
Busy bee

@southernbelle381:  You have an awesome frame of mind! My SO was unemployed for ~4 months and it can be incredibly depressing for the individual. You sound super supportive, so I’m sure it will go as smoothly as possible.

Post # 16
1616 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@southernbelle381:  I wouldn’t push things and see what happens.  My SO has been looking for a new job for almost a year and I know if he had one we’d be engaged by now.  We;ve been talking about it seriously since last summer and had been only been together for a few months before he lost his job.  The waiting is killing me but I waited this long to find him (I’m 36 and he’s 42 – neither of us have ever been married) and can wait a little longer to marry him.  Its hard because we don’t want to live together until we get married.  We could live on my salary alone but he doesn’t want to do that. This is the first time he’s ever been out of work and is used to making a very good salary.  Good luck and be patient!!  It’ll happen!

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