(Closed) Is it selfish to elope?

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

No, it is not selfish to elope.

I think only you know what works for you guys. I know that people will say you will regret not having the big dress or not having your 3rd cousin that you barely talk to there… but only you will know if that is true.

Go with your gut and do what will make you guys happy. The people that love and care for you will be happy knowing that you guys are happy. 

Post # 4
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think so. Your wedding is supposed to be for you two, not anyone else. Although it seems like it’s for others sometimes 😉 

Do what makes you happy. The ones who matter will understand no matter what. And the ones who don’t probably wouldn’t stick around anyway after the big day…. looking back, although Darling Husband and I have good memories from the day, we would elope if we had to do it again. Less stress, less fuss, much more us 🙂 

Post # 5
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think it’s selfish. Definitely do with what makes you happy : )

Post # 6
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Over the Moon: It sounds to me like you should elope. It’s important to do what feels right for you and your Fiance and to honor that. I think you don’t really need to worry about friends and extended family, but, realize that it might be a bit disappointing for your parents or other immediate family. Hopefully they would be understanding, but they have probably dreamed about your wedding too, and sometimes it’s hard to let that dream go.

Could you do a compromise? Perhaps getting legally married or have a small ceremony at home with just your parents/siblings/grandparents? Or, elope to get married, but let your dad throw you a small celebration when you get back? I think there are ways to get what you and your Fiance want without shutting everyone else out.

Good luck!   

Post # 7
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, but I understand your parents wanting to be there.  Would you consider a very small destination wedding?  Like with just immediate family?  Good luck with your decision.

Post # 8
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@35thannidaughter: I agree, do a small destination wedding. 10 people or less. Will you be ok with that?

Post # 9
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think you are being selfish at all! Do what is best for you and your fiance, it should be about what the both of you want. Also, to be completely honest, I had a big wedding, and looking back on it, I don’t regret it, but if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would elope….definitely less stress, less planning, a lot less money too!

Post # 11
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Nope, it’s not selfish. I eloped. My own personal belief is, weddings are about the two people getting married.

Post # 12
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Over the Moon: Can you Skype his dad in so he can be there too? I’m sure it would be special to your Fiance.

Post # 13
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Nope… do it. 🙂 

Post # 14
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Nah, not selfish. Just keep in mind that if you elope, you don’t really get another chance to get married. Vow renewals aren’t really the same. We nearly eloped about 3 months into our planning process, but I’m really glad we stuck it out and went through with everything. Both of our families are flung far and wide across the globe, and although it was a long way for a lot of our guests to come, it was probably the only time they’ll ever get to meet each other. However, if I could do it all again, I’d elope! If you both want to and are sure you won’t miss having the experience and memories of having done the big wedding thing, I’d do it!!

Post # 15
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It depends on how you view marriage.  Do you see it as a joining of families and an event that  you want to declare your love in front of others to witness?  Or do you see it as a joining of 2 people and you want to keep it a special moment between the 2 of you. 

I see a lot of people that make their weddings about their guests and showing off and want to make it a day where they can be the center of attention.  And I also see a lot of people that make stupid financial choices in the name of one day and debt is not something anyone she be getting into, especially in this economy.  My friend’s parents offered her a downpayment on the house of her dreams or her dream wedding and she picked a wedding.  I personally think that’s economically retarded, but it’s how you view weddings and really no one else can make the decision for you.

Post # 16
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@KatyElle: are you kidding?? TWO people?! no way.. weddings are about glitz and glamour and spending money and party favors. *lots of eye rolling* LOL!

Eloping is not selfish, it is selfish of other people to be presumptious about the first day of YOUR marriage. 

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