(Closed) Is it selfish to only want 1 child?

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: Is it selfish to only want 1 child?
    Yes! : (53 votes)
    16 %
    Def not : (281 votes)
    84 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    2259 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Nope. Not a bit. In today’s culture with moms becoming older and older before having children I think it’s pretty common actually. 

    Our reasons for having an only child: 

    It was difficult for me to get pregnant. I am only 23 but have other health issues that caused a miscarriage before this pregnancy and made this pregnancy pure hell (really difficult time with everything). Most likely it wouldn’t make sense for me to get pregnant again IF I could get pregnant again. 

    We can always adopt. Hubby and I really like the idea and would want to adopt another child if we had more than one or decide to in the future. 

    Finances- living in a very small flat we don’t have room for more than one. :/ Even the three of us will be a tight fit. Also- we can’t afford double everything for a second child right now. 

    Personal- both hubby and I came from families with multiple children. We hated it. We both really want to give our kid that one on one attention and feel it’s more suited to our lifestyle to do that with only one child instead of several. 

     

    I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer to this. Just personal preference or options. I would never call anyone selfish for having one kid or having 12- it’s their business. I would just hope whether that kid is an only child or has siblings- the parents would be able to give them all love and care they deserve. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    5659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t see how anyone’s choices regarding how many kids you do and don’t have are selfish. Kids are a choice people make because they want them or they don’t, there’s no law that says you have to have a certain AmT. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    456 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I wish my parents had stopped at one child.  🙂

    no matter what you choose, someone is going to have something to say about it so you might as well do what you (and your husband) want. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think it is. I just know that my sil, who is an only child, as well as another close friend, feel guilty for not spending every holiday, weekend or event with their parents.  They can’t take vacations with out them.  My sil has even screamed at my brother that her parents  were entitled to christmas eve and christmas day with my sil/bro and their children, simply because my dad has 4 other kids to spend that time with.  She appoligized.  Both her and my other friend have complained about how nice it is for other people to have close ties, people that know the same jokes/same experiences.   

    The other thing I know my dad would have had a hard time when my grandmother died, if the choice to pull the plug was his and his alone, it was much better for him and his 6 brothers to talk it out, raise concerns, just so all the “blame” didn’t lay on one of them.

    Post # 51
    Member
    475 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    My sisters and brothers are the greatest gift my parents gave me. Obviously having any number of children is a sacrifice, but I love my siblings more than anything and I hope I can give my own children that. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    8470 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    No way.  You do what’s best for you.  At my age (34), I often wonder if I’ll even try for 1.  It gets risky around the mid-30’s, so if that’s what’s going to make you happy, there’s nothing wroing with that.

    My aunt had a baby at 40 and she does not regret not giving her a sibling. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Not at all. I’m an only child and if I had siblings my mother would not have been able to nearly do as much for me – out-of-state college, car as a teenager, vacations, etc. Only children are not as lonely as people think – I never envied people with siblings. I agree with an earlier poster regarding growing up around adults and being quite mature at a young age (my favorite tv show as a child was Matlock for crap’s sake!). Also, if attending school, day care, activities etc then there should’t be any social awkwardness just because one doesn’t have siblings. Once Fiance and I have a baby we still want to be able to travel and live the lifestyle we’re accustomed to – maybe thats selfish to some people, but in the long run you will also be able to provide more for your child than you would have with multiples.

    Post # 54
    Member
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Luvdisc:  why do you think having children is selfish? Do you think that the act of wanting children is selfish or that its because the world is overpopulated? Not trying to start a debate I am just genuinely curious about your comment.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee

    Nerd has said he wants 2 or 3 because he has two siblings and that is PLENTY! I have said I don’t want more than 3 pregnancies but would like to have up to 5 kids.

    Post # 56
    Member
    598 posts
    Busy bee

    It would be selfish to not want any children in my opinion.

    Post # 57
    Member
    5107 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I wouldn’t call it selfish at all. However, as an only child myself, I will share my experience: I always wished I had siblings. I was very lonely. Although, I am very close with my mom; she was singly, though…lol.

    Post # 58
    Member
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Spade504:  If you take out the emotions behind wanting a child, it doesn’t make much sense. There aren’t many concrete reasons for wanting to have a kid. Even if you think of it biologically, it only directly benefits our species.

    It’s not so much selfish because of overpopulation…it’s selfish because there aren’t many reasons for having children that aren’t selfish. But at the same time, becoming a parent is one of the most selfless acts out there, since parenting can be so difficult.

    Keep in mind that when I use the word selfish here, it’s not in a bad way; it’s just what it is. Hopefully that cleared up my first post. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    1092 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    There is no “right” answer. You could have one child and they grow up perfectly content as an only or they wished for a sibling, you could have 2 and they grow up with a sibling as their best friend or wished the baby factory closed down after they were born. You and your husband need to create the family that you can be comfortable with, comfortable with your time, your finances and your energy.

     

     

    I had one son. He’s now 26, married with a 9 month old baby girl. He didn’t like being an only and he and his wife want another baby in a year or so. Hopefully she won’t wish the baby factory closed after she was born…lol!!!

    Post # 60
    Member
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I voted def not. You can only do what you can do. And who wants parents who regret having multiple children. Or parents who can’t afford it. So in that regards no it’s not selfish, but I think that most children benefit from siblings. I am one of four and I grew up with my siblings as my best friends. I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

    In my opinion, do what you think is right and what makes you happy. If you want a sibling for your child down the road then have a sibling. If not 1 is just perfect. 

     

    Post # 61
    Member
    3371 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    As an only child myself, I don’t think it’s selfish. I think financial circumstances these days make it difficult for couples to have more than one child, anyway. When Fiance and I have kids, we will definitely be taking into account how well we can provide for one child versus multiple kids. 

    My parents are divorced and by the time my mum remarried, she didn’t want to have any more kids. So it was just me growing up, and I had two cousins who were a lot younger than me and no other kids in the family close to my age. As a result, I was a typical precocious child, with strong relationships with the adults around me. I was, and remain, very close to my grandparents because I spent so much time with them growing up, as opposed to running around with other kids in the family. I am very comfortable spending time alone, and in fact crave ‘alone time’ even now! I was a very creative and academic child, with my head often stuck in books and imaginary worlds because I was by myself for so much of the time. That may seem like a lonely childhood, especially for those who have grown up in the chaos of multiple-children households, but I really enjoyed it.

    And of course, from a resources perspective, I had it pretty good – especially for the child of an immigrant mother adjusting to a new country. I never had to take anyone’s hand-me-downs, never had to compromise on new clothes/books/toys/experiences. I am sure my mother had to make difficult decisions, but it was never whether or not to send me to camp/overseas exchange because it meant my sibling would be missing out.

    Now, fast-foward to now…I’m 30 and my parents (mother and stepfather) are nearing 60. Fiance and I live overseas, having embraced the adventure of living abroad in our 20s…but now the pressure is on for me to move home, start having babies, and be there for my parents in their old age. This is the same dilemma faced by an entire generation of young Chinese kids – the majority of them are only children, and then when they marry other only-children, they end up having two sets of parents to take care of. That is something I am aware of, that I will be the only one taking care of my parents when they’re elderly. I don’t know whether that’s a fair burden to be placing on a child, but I certainly do not blame my mother for it!

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