Post # 1
Hey Bees, I have a bit of a dilemma.
My Fiance and I just decided that we are going to have a bridal party instead of just a Maid/Matron of Honor and best man. So we each have 3 attendants and a MOH/BM.
I have 2 nieces, ages 6 and 3 and a nephew, who will be 20 months old at our wedding. My mom opened her big mouth and told my nieces that they would be flower girls in the wedding. The 6 year old was a flower girl last year for my cousin’s wedding so she knows what it’s all about and is super excited. I am a little ticked at my mom for saying that because I wasn’t prepared to deal with this *today*. I talked to my sister and she said to not even include my nephew as she thinks he’ll be too young (unless he goes down the aisle in a wagon or something).
The problem is my Fiance has 4 nieces and 2 nephews, aged from 3 to 12. I thought it would be really nice to include them somehow in the bridal party as I feel guilty just including my side. Plus, they are all traveling to my hometown (out of state for them) for the wedding and I think it would be really nice to make them feel special.
The 2 nephews are twins and will be 9. I thought they could be ushers as they were ushers in FI’s sister’s wedding last month and did a great job. Plus, they were really into it. I thought I would just make the nieces flower girls and have all the girls drop petals.
Is it going to look ridiculous having that many kids up front with us? We are getting married at our venue (outside if weather permits) and it’s not a religious ceremony so it’s not going to be super long. I think all the kids would behave just fine (FI thinks they would be fine too).
Post # 2
I sort of ended up in this situation — we had 4 flower girls, 2 “ring bearers” and a jr usher in the end… they didn’t really do all that much (except walk down the aisle and wear our colors and be in a few pics) so it wasn’t really a big deal
we only had 4 adults in our wedding (2 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 2 GM) so there was more kids than adults in some pics but it was actually cute and better than having to choose and have someone end up crying with hurt feelings
(also they didn’t actually stand up with us — we had them sit with their parents/grandparents in the front few rows)
Post # 3
littlemisshostess : That’s what I should have said – they will sit up front, not actually stand up with us. Glad it worked for you!
Post # 4
Don’t worry about looks, worry about who you want around you when you get married! If that’s the kids, go for it. As long as they’re well behaved and won’t cause a big fuss, which is always iffy with kids, I say have at it.
Post # 5
sunnierdaysahead2 : for my situation since the kids were all traveling with parents from out of state it wasn’t really an option to invite them or not so I decided that I might as well get to use them as my photo props haha! (j/k)
I will say that my venue REQUIRED us to have on site baby sitters for every 3 kids under the age of like 10 or something so that also really helped – it was annoying and expensive but in the end it gave the kids somewhere to be and something to do during the “boring” parts so they weren’t running around underfoot (cocktail hour!!! my favorite) but they were still there for dinner/dancing (until about 10pm or so when the parents too them upstairs to their rooms and one of the parents hung out there so the others could still have fun (it was a B&B type place so while they were in thier own rooms it was more like being in a house than a hotel so this wasn’t an issue)
Post # 6
I think it is overkill for the average wedding. If you are having a grand wedding in a cathedral- maybe. I also think it is an unnecessary expense for the parents to have to buy the wedding party outfits, or, are you planning on paying for those?
It also means you will be buying 16 or 17 wedding party gifts and having all of them to the rehearsal dinner ( I acknowledge you may have included them anyhow).
If you weren’t planning on having a flower girl or ring bearer, I would hand the responsibility back to your Mom to tell them she made a mistake.
Post # 7
I kind of plan in having a gaggle of flower girls. My hope is to just be really chill about their roll; if someone is having a meltdown, no worries, you don’t have to walk down the aisle. Bored of pictures? that’s cool, run off and play. My plan is to pay for their attire so we won’t be going with $$$ dresses, you can get sweet dresses for pretty cheap at some department stores. We’ll buy them gifts, but again, nothing extravagant.
I think if you keep your expectations realistic and are flexible that this can work.
Post # 8
I have 11 nices and nephews. So I’ve been trying to figure out how to place them all. It’s your wedding. Do what makes you happy. I don’t think it’s an issue unless you don’t want them
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
My sister had five flower girls and two pageboys! They literally walked down the aisle first then sat with their parents, and were in some photos. They were super cute and loved being included. My youngest nephew was too little but they dressed him the same as the other two page boys.
Post # 10
julies1949 : The 2 nephews on FI’s side already have suits (hopefully they’ll fit in April!) and FI’s mom already said she would pay for the dresses for the girls. My mom is buying my nieces’ dresses. I know it’s a lot of gifts to buy but I don’t plan on going wild with gifts for them.
Since everyone from FI’s family is traveling from out of state, I was already planning on having them at the Rehearsal Dinner, which will really be more of a welcome dinner since most of them haven’t been to my city. I do realize it is a bit overkill to have all of them, but Fiance thinks it will be fun and neat to look back on having all the kids sitting up front. Even though he loves being here, I think he misses being out of state and missing out on their lives, so I think including them would be really special for him.
littlemisshostess : Our venue does not require a baby sitter but we are hiring a magician for the reception so they will have some entertainment. I talked to our venue coordinator and she said they’ve set up a kids corner before so I think it will work out just fine.
Post # 11
We included all ten of our nieces and nephews, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. We had the pre-teens as groomsmen, and the rest (all 7 and under) were a flock of flower girls and ring bearers. It was so much fun, and we have great memories and embarrassing stories for when they get older.
Post # 12
I’ve been to normal weddings (not in a cathedral) with lots of children and there was nothing silly about it. We had three kids in the wedding but lots at the wedding, and they were a blast on the dance floor.
The 12 year old may enjoy being a junior bridesmaid or just attending as a guest. I would ask her directly.
Post # 13
Overkill, yes. Frankly I think your mother needs to go and explain to the girls she promised to be flower girls that she was wrong and YOU are the one who will make the decision.
Post # 14
I agree it is an overkill but honestly it is your wedding so do whatever makes you happy. I am having my niece that will be 4 at the time be the flowergirl and my nephew who will be almost 6 as ring bearer. My Fiance wanted to include his niece as well but shes 8 and looks much older plus her mother hates me and said she isn’t even coming to the wedding so yeah.
Post # 15
Whatever makes you happy is perfect.
You do you! 🙂