Post # 1
OK, so let me begin this post by saying I am the anti bride meaning I am very uncomfortable being/sharing the center of attention. I bypassed a sweet 16 for that reason. When I was a little girl I did not dream about my wedding, my dress nor did I have any thought about prince charming (although he found me). When I was younger my priorities were just always different i.e. education, friends, sports, career, financial security, clarity, etc.
So here I am 26 years young and months away from my wedding day. I’ve been engaged (12/31/10) just about 8 Months now and JUST began to plan my wedding in late June. As I progress through this very “strange” part of my life I often come across vendors, friends, and fellow brides who have tunnel vision when it comes to wedding planning. I’ve been told countless times to postpone my wedding because it takes atleast 12-13 months to plan a “good” wedding. I accept that challenge and look forward to proving many people wrong.
I like to think of myself as an “outside of the box” type of person and don’t think a wedding has to be so typical. For pete sake it’s 2011 people. When I read up on some of these wedding blogs and watch some of these wedding show (guilty pleasure, I admit it) I get so frustrated. This is the day you start the rest of your life with what should be the ying to your yang, shouldnt it reflect you and your relationship? Oh did I mention I worked in a catering hall part time in college so needless to say I have experienced literally about 100 weddings. I feel like so many brides go to the theKnot and follow the site like law. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate tradition but I feel the same way about change. I do not believe that a formal or classy wedding has to fit into a mold, to me execution is what is important. Example bridesmaid dresses do they have to match? Do they have to be the same color? If so, WHY? Or Centerpieces do they have to be tall cascading flowers or floating candles? Nothing against anyone who may have chosen these. I do not think there is anything wrong with them and think they are beautiful, but they just aren’t me.
Is there anyone else out there who has faced opposition or judgement for not wanting an atypical wedding? Please don’t tell me I’m alone.
Post # 3
Most of us, in one way or another, have faced this. Some for venues, some for themes, some for dresses. That is what is great about the Bee, every single brides vision is completely different and all are welcoming and supportive.
Post # 4
I think if it’s your wedding, it’s what you want. I’ve been to weddings where bridesmaids all wear different colors and it looked cute! But it wouldn’t make sense for me to do that, because it’s not me. So yes, your wedding should reflect YOU and YOUR relationship.
I’m not facing a lot of opposition/judgment except with my mom on a few things. She’s very traditional, and I’m slightly less traditional. Whenever she says “I don’t like that color” or “I don’t like that idea,” I just smile and say “Well, then it’s a good thing it’s not your wedding, huh?” (All in good fun, of course).
Post # 5
My original plan was to wear green and have my girls in white. We met with one photographer who was a complete man-bitch about it and kept inserting these snide little remarks about how it’d make his portfolio look “awkward.” My mother threw a shit-fit for months when I told her I would NOT be wearing white or ivory. Oh, that was fun. 😛
Actually, most of the aspects of our wedding were out of the norm for most people (for the original plan for a big wedding as well as our super-stripped-down version). You learn to turn a deaf ear to it. Do what makes you happy!
Post # 6
Honestly, non-traditional weddings are becoming to new traditional. Even people who “think outside the box” will find those ideas becoming popular in the wedding world. Most people embrace a different or creative wedding.
Post # 7
@Miss Bug: Do what you think will be best for you and your FI!
Post # 8
Being nontraditional is not a bad thing, contrary to popular belief. When you stop to think about it, do you want guests to remember your wedding as being unique or blending in with every other one they have attended?
Have the wedding you and your fiance want, not what other people pressure you into that doesn’t fit your style.
Post # 9
Oh boy, I’m struggling with the same thing! I think my mother almost had a heart attack when I told her we aren’t doing a garter/bouquet toss and that I was thinking of dressing my bridesmaids in black since one is plus sized and she said she would feel more comfortable in something dark rather than a bright dress.
Sometimes you just have to tune out the negative people and do what works for you 🙂
Post # 10
I don’t see any reason why you have to postpone your wedding. It is very possible to plan a wedding in a short amount of time and have it be everything you want. The only thing that is somewhat difficult with a short deadline is finding vendors that are available for your date. However, even that doesn’t have to be a problem if you are a ‘think out of the box’ type of person, which it sounds like you are.
We eloped last December and had our reception this month. So our reception was eight months after our wedding…certainly not traditional. I planned our very traditional looking reception in just over three months. It was perfect, the food was delicious, the flowers were gorgeous, the china was beautiful and the venue was elegant…everything I wanted.
So it can be done. You just have to decide what things are most important to you and make sure those things get done first, then just add in the little extras that would be nice but that aren’t so important. It’s a lot less stressful if you do it that way.
Don’t let others tell you what to do or how to do it. Do it your way and your wedding will be perfect!
Post # 11
No need to be cookie cutter. I go to a variety of wedding websites to see lots of different ideas that will best reflect me. One of my favourites is actually offbeat bride. I think it’ll reinforce what everyone here is telling you. You don’t need to be the same as everyone else.
Post # 12
Remember, they are guests and in true etiquette form should be sending you a Thank-You note for your gracious hospitality! This is your party. Tradition is relative to your social circle and the era.
Do what makes you feel peaceful and confident. I’ve come across a similar pattern as you have, and I have just made a commitment to stick to it being about our celebration of love , instead of the Knot’s penal code.
Post # 13
We had a fairly traditional wedding (white dress, men in tuxes, sit-down meal) but neither my husband nor I wanted it to be stuffy or so tradition-bound that it wasn’t fun. So we just streamlined and cut out anything we didn’t want (bouquet toss, garter toss, bridesmaids, involving other people in my dress shopping), and we hired a coordinator we trusted and let her take care of most of the rest.
I am definitely not one of those people who had been dreaming about my wedding forever and so had to have each detail the way I imagined it; I just wanted an overal romantic, fun feel and was totally happy to let someone else make that happen.
I don’t know that our wedding itself was “atypical,” but apparently I was an “atypical bride” in that I wasn’t a stress-case or control freak about it, and I rolled my eyes any time a vendor or salesperson talked about how I must have dreaming about this day since I was three, and my husband very definitely wanted to be involved in the planning (which somehow seriously confused a bunch of our vendors, who refused to make eye contact with him during meetings!).
The wedding ended up being very us — laidback but elegant, unfussy but classic. Our coordinator said that if all weddings were this easy, she’d love it.
And we were engaged for a total of two years, and didn’t really start planning until six months out. *And* we were picky about wanting high-quality vendors we could trust to do their jobs well without us micromanaging.
All this to say: Of course it’s perfectly viable to have a beautiful wedding without getting caught up in the all the wedding-industrial-complex hype. Do the stuff that’s fun or meaningful for you and your fiance, and ignore or outsource the rest.
Post # 14
@KatyElle: I agree! Non-tradtional is becoming very mainstream. The things you mentioned in your post, Miss Bug, such as matching Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and centerpieces, are not as common as they once were! You will definitely find evidence of this here on the weddingbee! Also, probably a bajillion wedding blogs! I feel like today’s brides have a drive to be unique.
Post # 15
this is all about you and your Fiance so do what makes you feel comfortable…i’m doing whatever I want in whatever order I want…No matter what you do ppl are going to judge and complain so i say JUST DO YOU…CONGRATS!