(Closed) Is it still required to ask the father of the bride for the bride's hand?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it still important to ask the father of the bride for his blessing?

    Yes! It's traditional and my fiancé/husband asked my father!

    Yes, but only as a courtesy - whether he asked or not wouldn't have made a difference.

    No! It's terribly outdated and a bit gross...

    No, we didn't think about it at all.

  • Post # 2
    289 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it depends on the couple. My Fiance asked my father, and I found it sweet. But if its not what you guys want then just skip it 🙂

    Post # 3
    9076 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I am not cattle to be given away by my father. My husband did not ask (he tried, though. My dad never answered his phone.)

    Post # 4
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    View original reply
    lieutenantuhura:  Just skip it. Don’t do something just to make other people happy if it doesn’t make you happy. You guys have been together for 10 years! I think your father knows it’s coming. And even if he gets upset about it, just tell him ‘This is our decision as a couple’

    Post # 5
    1778 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    My husband didn’t, my dad told me later he’d have kicked his ass if he had because it’s my decision only. But my dad is pretty quirky/funny like that. 

    In short, you don’t need to. If you truly think it’s important to your dad, have Mr. Spock just ask for blessings, not permission. Maybe some thing like… “I love your daughter and I can’t wait to spend my life with her. I hope we have your support of our marriage” hopefully someone else can word it better! 

    Post # 6
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think that in the situation you describe it would be awkward for all concerned. 


    Post # 7
    3607 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    lieutenantuhura:  It’s not required, although some people think it’s a “nice” thing to do. In my case, I specifically did not want my Fiance to ask my dad for my hand in marriage because I’m an adult and it’s up to me, not my dad, to decide who I marry and to give consent to the marriage. This custom apparently meant a lot to my mom, though, because she insisted my Fiance ask, so he did in order to avoid family drama.

    If I were in your shoes and I had the option to skip it, I would.

    Post # 8
    954 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I got engaged in July – I am 42 years old. I haven’t lived with my parents since a brief stint after college when I had a bad roommate situation in 1997. My Fiance did call my parents – it wasn’t to ask for my hand, but he basically said, I’m told, that he was going to propose and he told them when and filled them in on the details. I think it was a modern and appropriate twist on the tradition. I thought it was a nice touch.

    Post # 10
    13785 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I doubt Mr. Spock would think there is any logical purpose to it, especially in this day and age. If you are asking as an etiquette question, no it is not required. Asking for a blessing is an individual decision. It’s traditional in some families and faiths, and not in others. 


    Post # 11
    389 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t like the idea of asking for permission, but I do like to think of it as a discussion between two people who care for and about me. 

    Post # 12
    1239 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    I made it clear to my Fiance before we got engaged that I didn’t want him to ask my parents for ‘permission,’ though I didn’t really have to because he knows me well enough that he never would consider doing it and my parents know me well enough to never expect to be asked!

    Post # 13
    30 posts
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I’m in the “totally up to the couple” camp. My brother-in-law asked my dad before he proposed to my sister. She was glad. My Fiance knew that I would be annoyed if he asked my dad because I am not cattle that needs to be traded. He didn’t ask my dad and I was glad. Different strokes!

    Post # 14
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - Southern Plantation House

    It’s definitely not expected, but I do think the gesture is incredibly sweet and chivalrous. I also think that is more about asking for a blessing than permission. DH and I both come from traditional families and he insisted on asking for my father’s blessing before proposing to me. When we have children, I will raise my boys with the expectation that asking for the father’s blessing is the proper thing to do. 

    Post # 15
    10410 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    My Fiance didn’t ask my dad and I wouldn’t have been happy if he did. 

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