Post # 1
Ok Bees…this is a problem I have been grappling with since I got in engaged in July….my wedding is April 29th (yikes!) and my fiance and I are older (I am 38, he is 42) and we own a home together.
So, needless to say we do not want or need to register for gifts. BUT…what we would like is cash for the honeymoon (Europe) How do we convey that to guests without being tacky?
or is it impossible?
Post # 3
a) Don’t register for anything, and spread the word to your parents, his parents etc that you want cash…when people see you odn;t have a registry they will ask your or his parents, who can convey the message for you
b) I believe you can actually register for a “honeymoon fund” with some travel agencies, and people can deposit money directly into it.
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
@sara_tiara: Exactly what she said!
@smartwoman: Do you have any older guests who may want to still give you a gift? You could register for just a few little things at someplace like BB&B who will give you cash for returns.
Post # 5
@sara_tiara: Yep, exacly what I would say.
I would add that you should be careful about actually writing “we want cash” anywhere. That definitely might come off as tacky. Word of mouth is best, in my opinion.
Post # 6
As @sara_tiara: said, those are really the ONLY ways in which this could be done. It is never acceptable to mention gifts — including the absence of them — in an invitation.
One additional comment. There are people who will not want to give you cash for any number of reasons. If you do not register for something that you like that you may be able to use now or in the future (china, crystal, household appliances, etc.), you may receive a lot of gifts that you do not like or cannot use.
Post # 7
My fiance and I plan on registering for a honeymoon through the Travelers Joy website. I researched A LOT, and that is the best one according to many people/sources.
If you go that route, you are basically registering for cash, but your guests still feel like they are gifting you with something specific. For instance, you can register for a night in a fancy hotel, a bottle of expensive wine, supplies for a picnic, etc. You don’t have to book anything through the website (not Travelers Joy, at least), so the money just goes into your account – but then of course the plan would be to use the money from each guest towards the activity/thing they gifted you with. My fiance & I have talked about including pictures of each gift with our thank you cards, which I think guests would really like! (Like sending a picture of us drinking our nice bottle of wine to the person who chose that on the registry.)
The one negative I have found about Travelers Joy is that they take 7% of the money given to you. That is actually the lowest amount I’ve found, which is another reason we chose that site. That sucks, but I think it’s sort of the only polite way to request cash towards something specific…
Post # 8
There are a number of websites that exist now where you can set up a “honeymoon registry”, where guests can give a monetary gift toward your honeymoon – many even let you create “activities” that guests can purchase (such as a couple’s massage or a tourist event). I think Honey Fund is the one I’ve heard the most positive things about.
Also, it’s definitely a good idea if you have older/more traditional guests coming to make a small registry at a store somewhere. Certainly, you can think of a few items that you need or want to replace.
Fiance and I plan on doing a honeymoon registry with Disney (they have a website just for that) and having a smaller regular registry with either Target or Bed, Bath and Beyond for anyone who doesn’t like the idea. Then again, the overwhelming majority of our guests will be in their 20’s and more likely to be accepting of a honymoon registry.
Post # 9
I say definitely do a small registry somewhere for the person that wants to give you a tangible gift. We are older too and had most of what we needed before we got married. However,I was sooo glad we did a small registry because we did end up with a few gifts that we did not need but they were not purchased from our registry so we didn’t know where to return them!! So you definitely don’t want that problem- having a bunch of gifts with no gift receipt and you have no idea where to return them. I think if you have a small registry, you will get plenty of money without needing a honeymoon registry and without spreading the word (we didn’t spread the word at all that we preferred money). We had a smallish wedding (68 total guests) and ended up with a little over $2000 in cash/checks which was great bc there were no honeymoon registry fees associated!!
Post # 10
I generally give cash at weddings anyway, especially when people already live together. However, I’ve seen some people do the “Honeyfund” or that sort of thing, and I think that in and of itself is a little tacky. I personally consider how much I want to give knowing that it’s paying for a vacation rather than starting a new life together. I’d rather give more under the guise of it being used for your future life rather than paying for a vacation. I know this is old-fashioned of me, but I would never do the ‘honeyfund” type thing.
I think word of mouth is your best bet, but you should still have a small registry somewhere for those people who don’t want to just give money.
Post # 11
@sara_tiara: I agree with this. I live with my fiance and we have everything we need for the house already, so we will be doing a honeymoon registry. I believe in giving practical gifts, so for me this is great!
Post # 12
I am using Honeyfund and it is great because there are no fees and the money goes directly to you in person/via mail rather than through a third party wedbsite…
Post # 13
@sweetpeony: Ooh, really?? I thought that there were some hidden fees with that site… If that’s true, we’ll be switching our honeymoon registry to Honeyfund!
Post # 14
You should feel free not to do a registry, but you should not explicitly ask for money. If someone asks what they can get you, you can say something like, “We already have everything we need, so I’m sure whatever you would like to get us would be lovely.” Hopefully this will leave people so flummoxed they’ll just write a check.
All formal etiquette books (Miss Manners!) reject the idea of a honeymoon registry (though of course you can choose to reject their rejection!)
Post # 15
@All In: I’m so glad to see someone else mention Miss Manners! I grew up reading her column and have her Guide to Etiquette for the 21st Century!
Post # 16
We are in the same boat, older and don’t need anything. We didn’t register and mostly got cash and some gift cards.