(Closed) Is it tacky to tell people where your'e registered if you decided to elope

posted 8 years ago in Elopement
Post # 62
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@MissFemmeFatale:  She may deserve gifts just like any other bride…but sending a text message like that is tacky in either instance, whether she eloped or had a traditional wedding. It comes off as presumptious and greedy.

Post # 63
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@rozzy:  

Whoa whoa whoa

YES you have the right to ask for gifts! You still got married. People may get upset about it, but in my opinion you don’t need anyone who would complain for such a petty reason and use it as a means to not buy a gift.

I mean, if the only reason people want to buy you a gift is because they are getting FED then that’s just sad. If you were my friend and you got eloped. I would buy you just as many gifts as I would have if you had a ceremony.

Did you send a text message and also a wedding picture to the same people?

 

Post # 64
Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@MissFemmeFatale:  However, I think the OP is expecting gifts. If she didn’t expect people to want the registry information, she wouldn’t have sent the text. If she wasn’t expecting gifts, she would have been surprised when someone who received the wedding announcement asked for registry information in order to send a gift.

I’m not trying to start a quarrel, just saying that a wedding doesn’t automatically equal presents. Some people love to give gifts and do that out of the goodness of their hearts, but most people only give wedding gifts when they’ve actually been invited to/have attended the wedding. What’s done is done in this case, and while I don’t believe sending that text message was the right thing to do (whether the OP had eloped or not), she can’t take it back now.

Post # 65
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@paulabrochu:  So true. That’s totally my point

Post # 66
Member
6109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@rozzy:  “I sent out a friendly text message informing people of where we were registered if they wanted to shower us with a gift.Was I rude and tacky for doing this?”

 

It is tacky to tell people without their prompting – eloping or no eloping.

 

Now if they had ASKED YOU, then you can tell them and that is not being tacky. 🙂

 

Now we eloped an we registered.  My Mother-In-Law highly encouraged it becasue her sister was wanting to get us something.  I never told the Aunt though.  I let Mother-In-Law tell her and in the end she just gave us a gift card, which was lovely!

Post # 67
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

I honestly couldn’t care a fuck less if you agree with my opinion or not. I certainly put it out there for the OP and not for you to try and argue with me about. If you don’t want to start a quarrel, don’t respond to a poster with a difference of opinion and explain why her opinion is wrong. I didn’t ask for your opinion…she did. Can’t anyone post their opinion on this website without having atleast ONE person turn it in to a debate?

Post # 68
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I do think it’s rude to send out messages telling people about buying you a gift when they weren’t able to attend a wedding/reception. It just makes the couple sound greedy, wheather you are or not. We are thinking about eloping are will not be registering nor asking people to buy us things and where to get them. Not only is this very tacky, but it also puts people in a tough spot. 

Post # 70
Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@MissFemmeFatale:  There’s no need to get aggressive and vulgar.

I don’t think you understand how a message board works. It’s a discussion board, not a “tell the OP what she wants to hear” board. It’s not just a constant stream of posts responding to the original post and ignoring the rest of the posts. I never said your opinion was *wrong,* but I said that I held a different opinion. That’s the whole point of opinions, people can believe different things. I don’t agree with the advice you gave the OP, and since it’s on-topic with the question posed in the thread, I can bring that up. I didn’t put you down, I didn’t call you any names, you don’t need to be so hostile.

You’ve only been posting here for a week. Sometimes it takes awhile to get the feel for an internet forum and how it flows.

 

Post # 71
Member
4799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@cmbr:  This. Exactly. Sometimes I really wish people would go ask these questions over on the Knot so they can learn what a really blunt/argumentative response sounds like.

 

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@MissFemmeFatale:  If you don’t like disagreements or debates, the internet probably isn’t the best choice for you. Especially if you respond to people disagreeing with your opinion by flying off the handle and swearing at them – not cool, and very against the TOS. And what’s more, this is an etiquette quesiton – there is pretty much a right and wrong when it comes to etiquette…and yeah, I’m pretty sure any etiquette book or expert would say that you’re wrong. Others are allowed to say so.

Post # 72
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

On another note, since my fiance and I have both been married before, and are an older couple, although we are splurging big time on our guests, we still didn’t feel comfortable doing a registry. Some guests are coming from abroad, which is quite an expense for them.

We decided to give the name of non-profit in lieu of a gift, but worded it as if we are not expecting people to feel pressured to even do that.

Although I would not send registry info if I eloped, I would not be insulted if my young nieces did it, and I would get them a gift. I would assume they eloped because of money concerns and I would want to help them get on their feet. I would also chalk it up to inexperience, not evil intentions.

Post # 73
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MRSsrm85:  On another note: it’s very easy to send a link to a wedding web page that has all the info on it, including registry, to all your family in an email or a note,  You can post pictures of you wedding if you eloped, and say how much you wish your loved ones could have been there. On the registry portion of the site, you could word it as: for those of you who have been asking…

Young people are so used to doing everything via text, I can see how this could happen before having thought it out.

Post # 74
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think a lot of commenters on this thread are missing the point of the original post. The question was whether it was tacky to send out the message, not whether people should get her gifts because she eloped.

To the commenters who are saying it isn’t tacky or rude because she should get gifts regardless of what kind of wedding she had, while you may be right, that is not the point. The point is that it is was rude of her to send out her registery info unsolicited, REGARDLESS of whether she eloped or not.

It doesn’t matter if you have a traditional wedding with lots of guests, or if you elope. While you may or may not “deserve” gifts in both cases, it is also pretty rude to actively ask for gifts in both cases (which is pretty much what OP did when she sent that message).

Now, will some people be slightly more offended at the fact that they were asked to get her a gift after she eloped? Probably, but the principle is the same.

OP, to answer your question, it was probably a little tacky of you to do that, but like other PPs said, it’s not the end of the world, and most people have probably forgotten about it by now. Just don’t give anyone else info about your registery unless they ask, and make sure to send thank-you cards!

Post # 75
Member
3172 posts
Sugar bee

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@paulabrochu:  Oh yes, forgot to mention that it is on our wedding website. People can easily see it there and they have used it. There is a link to my wedding website from my FaceBook.

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