Post # 1
Okay bees, here’s the deal. My fiancee and I (both women, having a commitment ceremony next June) keep going back and forth about who to invite. We want to keep it really small, and were originally going to invite immediate family and a couple close friends only.
However, I have one cousin (and his brand new wife) who I’d really like to invite to our wedding. They are one of the only members of my extended family who have actually been supportive of our relationship and gay marriage in general, we are close in age, etc.
But, if I invite them, do I have to invite ALL my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc? And all of my partner’s aunts, uncles and cousins? Many of them would probably not come becase they are Catholic and believe we are going to hell, or because they live far away and have made it clear that our relationship isn’t as “real” because we’re not straight/legally married. However, at this point if they did want to come I don’t really want them there because we are not close and I know they aren’t truly happy for us. At the same time, I don’t want to be completely rude by rubbing it in their faces that no one is invited except my one cousin. We never see each other anyway, but you know, I don’t want people out there in the world hating me.
What should I do?
Post # 3
Hmm before I opened your thread, my opinion was “yes you should absolutely invite all of your family”, but yours is a unique situation, I feel. You want your wedding day to be the happiest day of your life, and you most certainly don’t want to be standing up there with the love of your life thinking “what are they feeling?”. I think you’re making the right choice by only inviting the members of your extended family who have been 100% supportive of you!
Post # 4
I think you are fine with inviting the one cousin. Some people will be annoyed but at least is just ONE person as opposed to 35 you chose so the ones that didn’t would feel hurt. Go for it! Not that you have to explain anything but if they ask provide the same answer you did in your post. Congrats!
Post # 5
It is your wedding, invite those you would like to be there.
I invited a very limited number of cousins in addition to my siblings to my wedding. There were definitely some grumblings amongst the family but the truth is, I was simply not interested in funding a family reunion. The majority of those folks could give two hoots that I was getting married, they just wanted to be invited to a party.
Post # 6
In your situation I would invite your cousin and not worry about the rest of your extended family. I would not want people there who were not happy for me and supportive of my relationship. Will everyone even know that she is the only extended family member that you are inviting?
DH’s family is huge, so we stuck with only inviting the cousins of his that we know and see somewhat regularly. He has 4 aunts on his mom’s side, all with 2-5 kids and some grand kids each, and 7 aunts and uncles on his dad’s side with 2-5kids each. There is no way we could have afforded to invite everyone and some I hadn’t even met. We did send out a few obligation invites to those who invited us, but my Mother-In-Law said that it was a courtesy thing and that they’d send a gift only, not attend. (not that we did it for the gift). I don’t think anyone was offended. I think more would have attended if we could have invited them, but initially we were going to keep it to parents, grandparents and siblings only, so the word got around that we were having a very small wedding before we decided to change things up a bit so we could invite more people.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
That is tough. Outside of planning your ceremony and celebration, what is your relationship like with your family. If your decision upset them, would you care if that bridge was burned (or at least significantly damaged)? I mean if they really are “famil” by blood but not “family” by deed and emotion, are you really losing anything? Would this create issues at large family gatherings, or are such gatherings not even part of your life? Only you can know what is right for you.
Post # 8
I think inviting just the one cousin would be perfectly fine. I have extended family I haven’t talked to in almost 15 years. If anything, I would have felt awkward sending them an invite, almost like they would have thought I was gift grabbing….
So, don’t feel bad about only invite some family members 🙂
Post # 9
@mrstilly: Word would probably spread, and at the very least my cousin’s family would know he was invited and they weren’t. : ) I don’t particularly want them there, but I don’t hate them and want to hurt their feelings either.
Post # 10
Ok, so it looks like you have a really difficult predicament on your hands. If your cousin is close with the rest of your extended family, and they are going to find out that you didn’t invite them, then I would save yourself from the drama that is going to arise and just go ahead and invite them. That being said, if they do not support your relationship, then you should talk to them before inviting them and say something like”I would like to extend an invitation to you, but before I do I want to make sure you are going to be supportive at the wedding because this is going to be one of the happiest days of my life, and I only want people there who are going to be happy for us” See what they say, and determine from there whether to invite them! Good luck, and I hope all goes well
Post # 11
I would absolutely just invite the one couple and not think anything more of it! You want people there who are going to celebrate your love and your marriage and support you. Choose the people who will make your day more special, and any awkwardness be damned! 🙂
Post # 12
@moonadea: Im only inviting one uncle and his family, and not the rest of my aunts and uncles. There is some family drama and I dont want to be worried about it on my wedding day. I know people might be upset, but too bad. Like you, I just want people there who love and support my fiance and I.
Post # 13
@moonadea: It is never rude to invite whoever you like to your wedding. I don’t think that people get an invitation just by being born into the same family as me. You should surround yourselves with whomever makes you and your partner feel the most special.
Etiquette doesn’t say anything about inviting anyone to your party.
Post # 14
i just started a thread like this, I should have looked at the forums further!
I’m in the same situation! My gf and I are getting married (legal here in Canada for the past 7 years- catch up USA!) and we can’t afford a huge wedding.
The comments have encouraged me to follow my heart and invite only those who I am closest with. Since my family is close by, I can invite the rest to the dance reception if they choose.
Post # 15
Your wedding, your decision. No one has the right to make you feel guilty because you want to spend the day with some people and not others. You are not required to invite people out of obligation to please others, and it is not rude to decide whom you want in attendance and who you don’t.