Post # 1
I’ll try my best to keep this short, basically my Fiance and I have been together for 5 years and got in engaged this past April. I have a very close group of friends*we are all 25 if that helps*, let’s call her B (been best friends since middle school and I was her MOH). Then there’s M (Been very close since grade 3, longest childhood friend I have. Myself, B and M were like the 3 musketeers in high school).
I made sure to tell B she will be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I then started thinking about M and how I’d like her to be an Maid/Matron of Honor as well. I got the idea while watching Say Yes to the Dress, there were quite a few episodes of brides who had 2 MOH’s so I thought hey what the hell I’ll have both!
B has been an Maid/Matron of Honor before, M never has and not sure if she ever will except for my wedding and she has made it clear since we were small that she wants me to be the Maid/Matron of Honor if she gets married one day. There I thought that was settled and I’d have them both! (having 2 other bridesmaids as well and keep in mind wedding not till 2014 so things can change). Anyway, M was ecstatic when I asked her and feels very honored. B on the other hand was not very pleased when she found out M was sharing “MOH” with her. I explained to her why and she seemed to have let it go, I got back from my trip this past month and she came over for a visit yesterday. I could tell something was up because she was acting different, she then asked if we could talk and told me she hopes I don’t get defensive and doesn’t want this to ruin our friendship.
She went on how she feels so hurt that I’m having M as an moh with her and that she always thought It’d be just her as my Maid/Matron of Honor (brought up that year’s ago before I even met my Fiance that I said she would for sure be mine etc etc.) She did admit that she is being sort of selfish but feels hurt and thought we were closer than me and M are. I tried my best to reassure her and also explain it is what it is, I’m not going to tell M “Oh sorry, you can’t be an Maid/Matron of Honor anymore but be a bridesmaid”. B said she didn’t want me to do that anyway that she just wanted to tell me how she’s feeling and apparently this has been bothering her for awhile now.
We finished the convo and it seemed alright, Later on that night it still was bothering me how hurt she was over it. I txted her and was letting her know it’s just a title, what matters most is that they’re going to be there to celebrate the big day. She seemed distant in the texts and not too friendly but said its fine, we haven’t talked since. I also brought up that day that If there is any drama over this friggin Maid/Matron of Honor title that I’ll just have my cousin be it. Is it really that bad what I’m doing? She’s making me feel very guilty and not a good “best friend”. Have any of you experience something similar to this?
Post # 3
First of all this friend is being ridiclous in my opinion. However she is entitled to her feelings of being hurt, so I don’t see the point in being bothered by it. The best thing to have done would be to acknoledge it let her know you aren’t changing it and move on.
However sending that extra text, saying your to replace her with your cousin, turn a small bump in the road into a bigger drama then it needed to be. I understand being annoyed with her, but doing all of those dramatic things and amping up the drama I think is creating more issues then what she did.
She said it’s fine, let her have her hurt feelings, let her sulk, and then let her get over it.Stop doing things that you are, because I think it’s your actions turning this into a big deal.
As for me I am not having a Maid/Matron of Honor just cause I didn’t feel it’s necessary and if I did I wouldn’t care what anyone else had to say about it, because this isn’t middle school and it all reeks of immaturity.
Post # 4
Yes, your situation is similar to mine, been friends with my 2 girls for over 10 years.
L is my daughter’s godmother so I have asked P to be my Maid/Matron of Honor & L is a bridesmaid 🙂
Post # 5
I feel ya, that’s a bucket full of stress. I could have faced a similar situation, but I decided to nip it at the bud.
I have a twin sister and an older sister and a best friend since highschool. My twin is the closest to me, we’re best friends for life and “womb mates”. (bad pun i know!), so before I was ever engaged and marriage was an abstract concept I always thought my twin would be MoH. Best friend from Highschool, (we’ll call her S), wasn’t a problem at all and assumed i’d pick twin and was just so stoked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But my older sister (by 7 years), sort of pounced as soon as I was engaged and hinted that it’s usually the older sister who gets to be MoH. She also gets a little jealous of my relationship with twin, and sometimes “jokes” about how she feels like an only child!
Well, the only thing I could think of to avoid any drama was not to have a MoH or BM’s at all and just have my “Ladies”. FI is doing the same thing since he’s worried about a Bridesmaid or Best Man situation between two friends. So we’re going to have “Ladies” and “Gents”. As for the tasks that MoH’s do, I told older sis and twin that they have to do it all togther, (S lives in another city and is pregnant so i told her she’s off the hook). I’m hoping this helps them bond a bit more as they’re not so close to eachother right now.
It might be too late for you to do something similar, but if I was you, I’d ask them both out for coffee and sit them down, and explain how much you love them both and how much it means to you to have them both there for you and that you’re the Three Muskateers for heaven’s sake. Hopefully that’ll break the ice. You can even point out that they’re lucky there’s two cause that means they get to share the work! *hugs* Good luck!
Post # 6
Thx for all the feedback Ladies 🙂 hopefully it turn out okay, I hate seeing ones close to me upset especially if it’s because of something I did. Twocitybride- I should’ve made it more clear in my previous post oops lol but I brought up the replacing Maid/Matron of Honor when she brought it up earlier that day, not by txt. In the txt i was just telling her how i still felt upset and hope shes okay.
Post # 7
Eek. My friend picked her sis as Maid/Matron of Honor and it really hurt and offended me because she didn’t even get along with her and ultimaetly I did just as much work as she did. I didn’t understand why she DIDN’T have 2 MOHs. I felt completely underappreciated later on when the Maid/Matron of Honor and I split almost all duties and the other BMs did NOTHING and the bride didn’t even acknowledge that. I can really understand what the title means. It’s an HONOR to be the maid of HONOR, duh. Although, I wouldn’t be upset if there were 2. I would have a problem picking 1, too!
Perhaps you should split the duties. Ask one to plan the shower and one to plan the bach. Let your friend who is upset have first dibs at what she prefers to plan. This way, each girl has their own time to “shine” and be proud of their contribution. Ask them to wear a different color dress from the other BMs so they feel special (or different style?) if you want, that is. Maybe when you give them gifts, give them each a different gift from each other and something “more” and “better” than what the other BMs get.
My Fiance and I also considered only doing BMs and GMs and no Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor for the same reason. He says it would be too hard to pick between his brother and his best friend. I say it’s too hard to pick just one of my friends! We’ll see what happens when the time comes. 🙂