- 10 months ago
My partner and I have been together for 5 years, living together for 4. His mother and I got along great that first year, so much that my own mother commented, ‘are you going to hang out with A or his mother?’ Something changed when A and I decided to move it together. It started with subtle comments, such as ‘I know my son best,’ or ‘he cares about me more that you,’ which i just brushed to the side. She would also play the ‘I’m lonely’ card to maniplate her son into giving her what she wanted. The biggest thing that bothered me was that my Mother-In-Law would make comments about how I’m not French and how she wished her son would have a French girlfriend. This all came to a head when Mother’s Day rolled around. I had gotten pretty fed up of the comments that I had been endearing all year and I didn’t even want to plan anything for Mother’s Day. I just sent my mom a card, but where my Mother-In-Law lived closer I felt obligated to plan a dinner or something for her, because if it was up to my partner, he would just send her a text. So I made reservations at a nice restaurant and asked her to meet us there as my partner and I were both working. I thought everything was fine, but when we got to the restaurant my partner pulled out two boques of flowers, one for her and one for me. I am not a mother, but I like flowers and I think my partner was trying to make a one stop shop. I said thank you,but I could feel the glare from my Mother-In-Law. So when we get settled in the restaurant doesn’t my Mother-In-Law notice that the waitress has a French accent and everything got switched over to French. I felt so disrespected and angry. That night she called my significant other and told him that I need to learn French or he needs to find a French girlfriend. My partner stood up for me and told her that he does not care what language I speak and the only person that as a problem with it is her. A couple years go by and I see her every few months and everything is as usual, comments about how she’s not ‘allowed’ to speak french at my house and how my partner ‘babies’ me. She also is very controlling and tries to change our plans to involve her with everything, she tries to pry into our sex life and she makes comments abouts about how my mom s cranky all the time and how my grandmother frightens her. When last Christmas rolled around, my Father-In-Law had vacation time to take and wanted to come to our house and spend Christmas with us. Its important to note that my partner’s parents had a messy separation and my Mother-In-Law trashes him all of the time, but we don’t see him often because he lives 12 hours away. Now usually for Christmas my partner and I spend Christmas morning together then go visit my parents on Christmas day and his mom on Boxing day. We’ve never spent a Christmas with his father so of course we said yes. This was in July we planned to have his father for Christmas. In November, my partner tells his mother that his father is spending Christmas this year. She is clearly not happy but doesn’t say to much about it. Christmas comes closer and she says she wants to spend Christmas with us too. We agree that shouldn’t be a problem. Then about a week before Christmas I message her to let her know that my partner and I were both able to get Christmas Eve off of work and wanted to know what she got off for Christmas. She asks what we are doing Christmas Eve and I told her visiting friends and she asked what we were doing boxing day and I said visiting my parents. She asked what my Father-In-Law would be doing and I said he was coming with us, as I wasn’t going to leave him alone where he doesn’t know anyone or his way around the city. I get a response saying that she is spending Christmas with her sister and not to worry about her. I reply saying I hope she can make it out for Turkey dinner on Christmas. She comes back saying that I make her compete for her son and how we have a horrible relationship because I treat her like crap. I said I am sorry she feels that way, but I do not need to compete for my partners attention, i feel that she treats me like crap, especially when it comes to me not speaking French. Then she calls. I answer and she says she doesn’t want to come between my SO and I, and I tell her she’s not. She says that she wants to spend Christmas with us and I say thats fine, we were expecting her to. But then she says that she wants to spend 2 nights with us starting Christmas Eve. I tell her that we don’t have the room for her to stay with us because we are in a 2 bedroom apartment and his father will be staying in the second bedroom. She tells me she wants to sleep on my couch, which I absolutely hate when people sleep on the couch, I dont even like when my SO falls asleep on the couch. But he is next to me and tells me its okay. So I agree. Christmas went over fine. But our visits with her since then have been the same with her snarky comments about me, my family and my relationship with her son. I am so over it. Im at the point now where my mental health is suffering. I get extremely anxious every time her name is brought up in a conversation. I don’t want anything to do with this woman, but yet she is going to become part of my family as my wedding is in the near future. We haven’t even told her about it yet because I know she’s going to try and control everything and make negative comments about everything. I want to cut her out of my life, but I also don’t want to hurt my partner. He is not a mama’s boy by any means and he sees the way she treats me and how she acts, but I know sometimes he feels bad for her because she is ‘lonely.’ I just feel at a loss and I need to know if its appropriate for me to cut her out of my life, and I need to know how to approach the subject with my partner because when I do he just says ‘don’t worry about it.’ He’s very good in specific situations but he brushes the bigger issue to the side.