- 2 months ago
Hi Bees, very long time lurker here.
I’ll make this as short as possible for you all,
Background – SO and I have been together 6.5 years, we’re 27 & 30. Lived together 4 years, first in my parents house and 18 months in our own house.
Early in the relationship we spoke about expectations and how much I wanted to be married and have children whilst I was young, for personal reasons. We spoke briefly about a timeline. He seemed skeptical of marriage at the time as his parents had a bad divorce, however he said that it’s something he wants too, more so as time has gone by.
I never doubted he was the one I would marry, 2.5 years into our relationship we went to look at engagement rings! I tried some on, with him and we spoke about which ones I liked etc.
4 years later I am still waiting with no end in sight.
I have gone through many phases of being patient, or bringing things up, watching friends get engaged, even those who have been together as little as a year, and still I am no closer. Over the past few years I have felt some resentment growing, as expected. I have also felt like I have lost myself to this relationship, focusing on only us, as I have been waiting for the next step in our relationship.
However I have noticed more recently that I am not as happy as I would like to be, there are some things that I would like to be doing in a relationship that I am not currently doing.
My SO and I rarely go on dates, which is something we never did all that often, it is something I have expressed wanting to do though. We do not spend a lot of time together doing couple activities, dinner, movies, days out. These things are only resevered for special occasions. I love to plan, anything from what tv show we should watch in the evenings to holidays a year from now, he does not and it brings a lot of conflict to our relationship. He will never plan anything with me, and I have tried to stop planning so much to become a little more spontaneous and take off any pressure. If I ask if we should do something tonight he responds to say ‘yes we will but I don’t want to plan what’. I have always gone with the flow but it’s making me unhappy.
We get on incredibly well and match eachother on many levels, we can talk for hours and hours about everything. He is my best friend without a doubt.
I have recently had a few friends comment on the fact that I don’t seem happy in myself, and said I have lost my spark. This made me incredibly sad and 7 months ago I started individual therapy, as I knew I was getting more and more unhappy in myself.
I have invested a lot in this relationship and I love my SO but I just don’t feel myself or very happy anymore, Is this external or the relationship?
Should I keep trying or has the relationship run its course?
I wake up every morning sad and lonely, I feel really conflicted about what to do so I am hoping reaching out can give me some sort of insight.
Thanks for reading bees.