(Closed) Is it time to move on?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: LDR and No ring, HOW LONG IS TOO LONG BEFORE YOU BREAK IT OFF?
    1-3 YEARS Get a ring or leave the relationship : (26 votes)
    35 %
    3-5 Get a ring or leave the relationship : (35 votes)
    47 %
    6-8 Get a ring or leave the relationship : (11 votes)
    15 %
    10+ Get a ring or leave the relationship : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Wow 5 years LDR with no promise when it will be over? I got to give it to you, that it tough, I was in an LDR for 2 years and it never got easier.

    I think if you have no agreed timeline, maybe you should bite the bullet and move on. As tough as it will be, once you find a partner you can see and be with nearly everyday, the confidence will come back, as they will make you feel so much secure in yourself (and I speak from experience of this)

    I never advise ending a relationship, but I think you have already resigned yourself your relationship might now be over as this guy doesn’t want to move things forward like you do.

    I wish you the best of luck and happiness, breaking up is never easy to do, but it might be the relief you need.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Srasoulimadani0: “he’s making me feel like I’m not good enough”

    The person who you love and loves you back should never make you feel like this.

    I agree with @spaneshal:…with no agreeed upon timeline..maybe its time to move on.  I know that it’s easier said than done.  Good luck ((hugs))

    Post # 5
    Member
    4478 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    LDRs are hard enough without the added struggles you’re going through.  We’ve had a year of a LDR, and I’ve experienced all the things you’re talking about.  The insecurity, humiliation, all of it.

     

    First of all, the resentments, if anything, push him farther away from marriage and commitment.  Your resentments are valid and understandable, but they’re toxic to your relationship and yourself.  I’m struggling with this exact same thing right now, and found Mr. Bee’s backup plan suggestion helpful for overall well-being.

     

    I agree with the previous posters about the no timeline thing.  It’s a very real possibility it’s time to move on.

     

    If you decide to stay, maybe try a couple months of Mr. Bee’s plan to see if things get better?  At least you know you tried.  Otherwise, if you leave, you’ve got very reasonable grounds for doing so.  Good luck.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    “I’ve started to feel really insecure, humiliated, depressed, confused and resentful lately, he’s making me feel like I’m not good enough.”

     

    This, to me, is a sign that you need to move on.   Now, when I say moving on, that doesn’t mean “break up with him forever”.  It means prepare yourself to walk away and do it.  No ultimatums, no threats – just end it and wish him the best.  You need to know you are good enough, confident enough, and independent enough to stick up for yourself.

    You may find that he has been taking you for granted and this will give him the shock of his life. Then, it will be up to YOU if you want to give it another shot with him.

    Right now he’s holding the entire deck. Take some of those cards back. It’ll do wonders for that insecurity and resentment you’re feeling.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @mandypop: GREAT advice, mandy!!! I was going to say that I am not in your situation so I cannot truly judge the situation, but I can give my input. I think that if you are not feeling amazing, respected, and wanted all the time, then it is time to move on. You need to forget what you want… and remember what you deserve! You deserve someone who will raise you up and be all you want and more! It doesn’t have to be peaches and cream ALL the time, but most of the time will do! LDR stinks and it adds pressure and stress on a relationship, but you both should still have plans of moving forward. I can understand that he is still young.. but he should have at least sat down and had a serious talk or given you a promise ring or SOMETHING. I say end it… and if he realizes he was wrong you have the ball in your court. Just don’t let him do the same thing to you, again!

    Post # 8
    Member
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I was in a similar situtation–a four year, long-distance relationship that didn’t seem to be going anywhere. I think after four years you know if you are with the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. I think about the movie 500 Days of Summer a lot. In the movie the female lead breaks up with a boyfriend and a year or so later ends up married to another man. Her ex-boyfriend wanted to know why the girl that never wanted to be his girlfriend could end up as someone’s wife. She said that one day she woke up and knew what she never was sure of when she was with him. She knew the new guy she was dating was the one. It’s kind of cliche, but that resonated with me. A later broke up with my long-distance boyfriend and found true love. I haven’t looked back since! 

     

    It’s hard to comment with recommendations when people only have a small snippet of your situation and your relationship, but I think you know in your heart. Trust your gut feeling, and don’t glorify your relationship just for the sake of the status quo. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Srasoulimadani0: I think that the fact that you said there is something wrong with you tells a lot. I’m sure there is nothing wrong with you! Have you sat down and had a serious conversation together? Maybe he and you have different expectations on the timeline/ring/relationship? Honesty is best. Best of luck!

    Post # 12
    Member
    425 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @Srasoulimadani0:

     

    Have you guys ever talked about this before? Did you share ur concerns with him?

    Post # 14
    Member
    425 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @Srasoulimadani0:

    I know what you mean– and you definetly dont have to choose someone elses happiness over yours! nor will you ever be considered selfish.. I do think that he wants to as well but I think he just doesnt have it in him just yet to take the step forward. Maybe hes waiting for the right time..? Maybe hes saving up money becuase he knows about all the finances that might fall onto both your laps for the wedding and marriage?

    I would wanna say to talk to any of his close guy friends and see if anyone had any idea if he ever shared the idea of marriage with them but Im not sure if thats such a good idea..

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @al1988:

    Thats not a bad idea depending on his friends.   When I was starting to get itchy, it was actually one of his female friends who could sense my growing frustration and said “don’t worry….its coming”.  That made a HUGE difference.

    Post # 16
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee

    You said that you two have talked about it…has he given a reason for making you wait this long even though he has promised it before.  Like financial reasons? 

    The topic ‘Is it time to move on?’ is closed to new replies.

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