Post # 1
Okay me and my Darling Husband got married and I got pregnant – giving birth this summer.
We had long talked about travelling, a longer international journey to spend time together like a honeymoon and visit his family.
It just didn’t happen, also my income is more than double of his currently due to private matters so we needed to find money and if we needed to go anytime soon it would be more on me.
Now i have the oppertunity to buy it, I was thinking about it like a gift/christmast gift/late wedding gift/honeymoon to surprise him with it now, especially because we need to do it before i am to far into my pregnancy and after the baby is born we need to wait almost a year for it to get all vacciantions?
So would you give it as a surprise/gift, or is it too much? You know some men how they are, it is not i have a problem but do you think it is a good idea or over the top?
Post # 2
Just based on my personal preference, I think this would be a good thing to have a conversation about rather than paying for something major and having it be a surprise. Just tell him that this is something you want to do and the reasoning behind it; it’s still a gift if you don’t share finances and you are offering to pay for it.
Post # 3
Do you have a reserve of savings to last you through your mat leave?
Do you have a separate emergency account- enough to cover 6 months of basic expenses if you became unemployed?
As the pp said, this definitely warrants a conversation.
Post # 4
If you want to surprise him with a trip, maybe do so in the form of a card and a rain check sort of thing. Tell him you have this much amount of money set aside for you guys to take a trip and that you want him to be involved in the process. List a few destinations you’ve considered and talk it out. I would be ticked if my husband planned a trip without discussing it with me first unless it was just a quick weekend getaway. If it’s a trip I need to take off work for then I need to know well in advanced. I know surprise trips seem exciting and fun but I don’t think they’re very realistic most of the time.
Post # 5
I’m all for experience gifts, but I agree with PPs that if it’s something like an extended international vacation, then I’d want to be involved in some of the decisionmaking and planning, especially if I’m going to have to take off work for it. The thought behind it would be very sweet, but I wouldn’t want all the tickets booked and paid for already.
Post # 6
that sounds like a better idea, we already talked about it so i know where and that he has time, but it still sounds like a better idea to write a proposal of the idea than giving booked tickets and everything.
Post # 7
I think a suprise one night getaway to a spa that is 2h car ride away is nice suprise holiday. Extended internationl travel as a suprise wouldn’t be the best for me unless some ground rules had been established. I would want to participate in planning, picking the destination and when to travel. Also makes sure that he is fine with not participating to the payment process. I’m not sure I would enjoy trveling somewhere I couldn’t afford and be comfortable my partner paying for everything.
If you knwo for a fact that he would love to go on a holiday and is happy for you to pay for it. Then how about a gift card that says “witht his gift card I will get us plane tickets and hotels to a destination of our choice before the baby arrives”. Then it’s a “suprise” but still he can participate.
Post # 8
Some companies don’t give paternity leave. Make sure he considers any time he may need to have saved when the new baby arrives. I’m all for a babymoon but you definitely don’t want him to miss out on time with the new baby. I think the written proposal is best. Enjoy your trip!!
Post # 9
How about you get a bunch of brochures and print out cute activities for things you want to do once you’re there, and bundle it up in a little booklet. I would love that, then be able to participate in the planning as well.
Post # 10
I don’t see the big deal with you paying for a vacation. Go for it!
Post # 11
Darling Husband gifted me a trip to Malta last Christmas over Valentines Day and it was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received! I was actually relieved to not have to do any of the planning etc. Although I had a mini heart attack about being able to get the vacation days off work and eventually had to take it unpaid, just something to consider.
Post # 12
I agree with others that i would ‘surprise’ him by writing the plan/your offer in a card, but without having paid for it yet. I feel like that kind of thing needs to be discussed beforehand.
Also I agree with julies1949 :
that you should make sure that you have secure financial backup. If you’re about to have a baby and go on mat leave then you’d just want to make sure you have enough savings to carry you through that very comfortably with a cushy emergency fund.
Post # 13
Too much as in it’s not a good idea to surprise him with something like that or too much as in over the top expensive? I’d say yes to the first question and it depends on your savings, income, and job security to the second.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
Last Christmas, my husband gifted me a check made out with the amount of money that he had set aside for our belated honeymoon/first anniversary trip. He put it in an envelope and placed that envelope into a huge box that he wrapped, which was super cute. I think that would go over better because you have the chance to discuss and plan the trip together. I think it’s a very thoughtful gesture. Good luck!
Post # 15
Darling Husband just surprised me with a trip for My Christmas gift. He hasn’t booked anything yet but has a proposed date and which hotel he wants to book with some activities he wants us to do as well (things I’d like). I think going about it this way without actually booking before discussing is the right way to go. FWIW Darling Husband also surprised me with a trip to Disney world when he proposed. He had booked it and planned a lot but what he had done is a few mo tha before Said “hey, I’m planninf a trip for us. It’s a surprise and you will be told nothing but I need dates that will work,” and I provided that to him. And pestered him for weeks with guesses about where Said trip was 🤷🏻♀️