Post # 1
Hi bees! So I am supposed to be getting married at the end of the month and I am having MAJOR doubts. I recently came back from being gone for the military for awhile and while I was gone, my fiance and I had quite a few arguments and didn’t speak to each other for a couple of weeks. Since I’ve been home, we have been arguing/not talking more than we have been getting along and he’s threatened to call off the wedding multiple times. I honestly don’t think I have feelings for him anymore after all of this drama and it’s stressing me out being so close to the wedding actually happening. All of our guests have RSVP’ed, reserved their rooms, I’ve made all of the deposits, everything is paid for, but now I am not sure I want to go through with this. He has had a history of being verbally/physically abusive to me but promised to me while i was gone that he would change, and honestly I haven’t really seen much change. I don’t know what to do. I would feel terrible calling it off and having our family waste their money and stuff and I don’t want to deal with the drama of having to explain to everyone what’s going on. As far as anyone else knows, we are a super happy in love couple when in reality we arent exactly. What should I do?
Post # 2
Personally, I think there are very few reasons to *postpone* a wedding this late. However, it sounds like this would be a case of *calling off* the wedding, which is 100% OK IMO.
Yes, it sucks for your family, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to go through with a wedding to someone you don’t even want to be with. Start calling vendors, family, etc ASAP so people have as much notice as possible. It sounds like your wedding is literal weeks away, so if you aren’t sure you need to do it like yesterday.
Post # 3
Do not get married. I would just call it off completely. Work through your issues and schedule a new wedding if it works out.
Divorce is 5000000 times worse than just calling off the wedding. Promise.
Post # 4
It is never too late to call off a wedding!
Yes it’s a bit annoying for your friends or family who have already booked hotels etc but then being out $100 is absolutely not more important than your happiness.
Never, ever marry a man who lays a hand in you. Not matter what he tells you.
Post # 5
I would say it’s only too late to postpone the wedding if the recessional music has started.
Post # 6
misslucy : All I can think about is this:
But seriously, OP. Listen to your heart. Even a single doubt can cascade into years of regret. And you have way more than just a single doubt.
Post # 7
You family and friends would much rather deal with the inconvenience of a cancelled wedding than find out years down the road that you went through with marrying a physically and abusive man because you didn’t want to inconvenience them.
He’s been physically abusive in the past, you are fighting constantly, and you are going into this *hoping* that things change and *hoping* that he never abuses you again. I think you know that’s not the right course of action for you.
You deserve better. Your family and friends deserve better. Call off the wedding.
Post # 8
holly10 : “He has had a history of being verbally/physically abusive to me”
This is all you needed to say. Get out. Get out now. Forget about postponing, just cancel it entirely. It’s never too late. Do not marry him.
Post # 9
Bee at this point you need to put your own safety first. Do not marry this man. Call it off entirely. Your guests will understand!
Post # 10
I am not even going to read the whole thing. I got to doubts and that is it.
IT. IS. NEVER. TOO. LATE. TO. POSTPONE. OR. CANCEL. A. WEDDING.
It is your forever at stake. You owe it to yourself to be 100% sure always. No one else is f*cking owed a wedding just because they traveled or put down deposits or whatever. You always always always have the right to say no, I don’t care if you’re at the damn altar and decide to just run right back up the aisle runaway bride style.
Post # 11
Don’t postpone it. Call off the relationship, work on yourself, find a new guy (when you’re ready), and have another wedding where your friends and family will be just as thrilled for you. Life is too short to be stuck in a miserable marriage. Live your best life!
Post # 12
Hope is not a plan. Call off the wedding now. He’s abusive, and it’s not going to get better.
Post # 13
Call it completely off. You should not be going through this much normally, right before a wedding no less. Dump him and find someone who can communicate and respect you.
Post # 14
Call it off. Never, ever marry someone because you feel obligated not to inconvenience others. It never ends well.
Post # 15
Call it off. I’d rather fly out to see/console a friend than have her go through with a wedding she no longer wants just because I bought a ticket.