Post # 31
Thanks for the responses everyone. I definitely know what I need to do but I just can’t get up the nerves to do it. Part of it is I don’t want to deal with the drama of his family being nosy like usual and asking questions and not leaving me alone about it. Also, last night he and I got into a fight and he called me a “c—” if you know what I mean. Then after that I stopped talking to him and he asked me if I was done with my attitude. I said nobody deserves to be called that and he said it was justified with how I was acting and he wasn’t going to apologize for calling me what I apparently am. Okay, well yeah I’m going to get upset when someone calls me that. and he know I hate that word so much.
Post # 32
holly10 : Bee–this is no way to live. You won’t have to deal with his family if you don’t want to. Make a plan — gather up some good people around you and let them know what is going on. Whose name is on your lease and do you have a place to go? Separate finances, change passwords. Pass the invitation list on to a friend or family member to alert wedding guests that the wedding has been canceled. Change your phone number, block people on social media. The happy future you can have will be worth any temporary drama you have to deal with now. Hugs.
ETA: His frequent threats to cancel the wedding and escalating behavior indicate he does not want to proceed either–get out of there before it escalates further.
Post # 33
It’s never too late. Especially when the person you’re with is an abusive dick.
Post # 34
beethree : Let him deal with his shitty family…
Make a plan with a couple of people you trust, move your shit out, lawyer up if you need to, and notify the people on your side of the guestlist. Tell him it’s his responsibility to notify his friends and family.
Post # 35
holly10 : Hi, a fellow bee who cancelled a wedding here. I know how you’re feeling right now and let me tell you it’s not as bad as you make it out to be in your head. Just do it. It’s a lot easier once you start the process. Fears are always more powerful than reality. As far as dealing with his family goes… that’s the best part! You don’t have to! He is the one who has to deal with his family. You are only responsible for yourself and surrounding yourself with the supportive people in your life. Your family does not want you to trap yourself in a bad marriage for their sake. When I cancelled mine I let my family know what was going on and they helped spread the word for me. No juicy details just a simple the wedding has been cancelled. When my phone started blowing up with numbers that belonged to his family I let them go to voice mail. Many I deleted without listening to.
Guess what happened! I was sad for the end of the relationship and the friend I once had, but I was relieved. 2 years later I met my now husband and we had an amazing wedding. The engagement process was fun and exciting and the months before our wedding I could not wait to marry him. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
Good luck bee. I hope you’re able to let go and save yourself.
Post # 36
It does NOT get better. I have firsthand experience. I knew when I got married, it was not the right thing, but I did it anyway. Either postpone and rethink the relationship or walk away. That is something only you can decide. But your post certainly indicates you should not move ahead with the wedding now.
Post # 37
You shouldn’t even be CONSIDERING marrying someone who would call you a cunt. The fact that you are tells me that you need therapy to get your self-esteem up and your abuse-meter fixed.
Pick up the phone and call the venue and tell them the wedding’s cancelled. Then call all the other vendors and take notes on how much $$ you can get back from each of them, if any. THEN start making living and financial arrangements to separate yourself from this abusive asshole.
The amazing thing about canceling the wedding is you don’t HAVE to deal with his family ever again!
Post # 38
If you are being abused, you need to call it off immediately. I would rather lose money on a hotel and flight than see my friend or family marry an abuser because they didn’t want to inconvenience me. PLEASE call it off. It is never too late in a situation like this.
Post # 39
holly10 Someone needs to put this asshole in his place! You said your in the air force? I would not tolerate this one bit and probably beat the living crap out of this guy if i had any of military training or experience. You sound like a wonderful woman and do not let this piece of sh^T destroy you because that what is going to happen. Just end it and be done with it , you have to take care of yourself and who cares if people will be nosey! you don’t desereve to be abused
Post # 40
holly10 : Block his family. Families of abusers are usually enablers so it is better to cut ties with them than to leave a door open for him. Because he will use them to get to you.
Contact your local domestic violence centre/resource and talk to them. They should have counsellors available to talk to. They are all there because they want to help you, so let them.
Post # 41
sboom : You’re right. That is abuse. Plain and simple. Good partners don’t use the silent treatment to control behavior.
holly10 : If you can’t manage telling him and your friends and family, try calling or emailing a vendor or two. That will cement that it is over without having someone guilt you into staying. You deserve better. You deserve love. You have time. This is for the best.