Post # 1
So, my husband is in two weddings this summer, which is great! However, there is a bit of a conflict with Wedding #2. He found out that the best man is planning the bachelor party for the same weekend I’ll be recovering from massive surgery and will probably still in the hospital. We just moved here and my closest friends (that I would be comfortable asking) and family are about 5 hours away, so he’s really the only one that’s around to help me out. I’m going to need help eating, dressing myself, etc for the first week, so it’s pretty extensive. He said if it’s definitely that weekend, he won’t go. Also, the Bachelor party is looking like it’ll be a 9 nine drive or expensive plane ticket away.
Then, we found out the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner are going to be early on a Thursday afternoon the day before the wedding. Since I’m already taking close to two weeks off of work for my surgery and I’m a nanny (no one to do my job when I’m not there), the family can only afford to give me the day of the wedding off (unpaid). Sooo, with a 6+ hour drive to the wedding, it looks like we’re going to miss that too.
We still have a ton of time before the wedding, but the bride is a bit intense about the wedding. So, I feel shitty that *I* might be the reason we miss out on these events, that I know are really important.
So, is it something the bride/groom has a reason to be upset about if he skips on these things? I had a few people skip our rehearsal due to travel, but I know that would drive some people crazy, so because I’m an irrational worrier, I’m already obsessing over this lol
Post # 3
The bachelor party is understandable to miss. I would personally be a little miffed if someone in my party was unable to attend the rehersal, but I don’t know who shedules a rehersal for early Thursday when people have to come out of town. I would let the couple know as soon as possible if you can’t attend.
Is there any way that your Darling Husband could go ahead of you and you could follow when you can?
Post # 4
I think that it’s completely understandable that he would miss it given the circumstances. But isn’t the best man supposed to plan the bachelor party? If I were him I’d be kind of surprised that the groom didn’t ask if the date was good for him.
Post # 5
Honestly the bride may be a little upset about the rehearsal, but I don’t think you’re in the wrong. Sometimes days off are just not possile and she should understand that. Have your Darling Husband call the groom and let him know as soon as possible that he will have to miss these events.
Post # 6
I think the bachelor party is OK, but not the rehearsal. The rehearsal is always the day before the wedding so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. In my opinion, he MUST be there. I think you need to talk to the family again, drive separate, or miss out. I know that sucks…good luck and keep us posted!
Post # 7
Can’t you skip the wedding? You could probably use the extra rest. If he skips the bachelor party, he can’t really miss the rehersal.
Post # 8
I think it is reasonable that he misses both functions. Obviously you have to have your surgery when it is scheduled.
Yes, the bride will probably freak a little when she hears he is unable to attend the rehearsal, but let’s get serious. The groomsmen don’t really DO anything unless they are also acting as ushers. I’m sure he can follow along with the other guys quite nicely without rehearsing it. She’s not going to be the first bride who was missing someone from the wedding party at a Thursday afternoon rehearsal.
Post # 9
One of our groomsmen won’t be able to make the rehearsal because of work and it’s fine, my Fiance and I would rather respect our friend’s work commitments and have him be at the wedding, after all he can catch up on what he missed at the rehearsal later, and if he feels really unsure about it we can have a mini-runthrough at the venue before guests start arriving. You should let the wedding couple know as soon as possible though, especially if you will also be missing a rehearsal dinner because they might need a head count.
Post # 10
I think it’s ok…. we had a groomsmen skip the bach/RD and honestly I was so nervous I didn’t notice… weeks later I was like…, “wait, was X there?!?!?!?” HA! But generally the rest of the fellas can just fill him in before the wedding. If it’s like any other wedding I’ve been to, the bride/wedding will start a lil late, anyways…so there will be time.
Post # 11
Thanks for the responses ladies! I know the rehearsal is extremely important, especially religious ones, but this one is taking place at the venue and is pretty similar to my set-up. Mine was at the venue as well and on Friday afternoon, so about half of the bridal party missed it, including the groom in this wedding. The officiant almost missed it too actually. I drew a chart and said “you stand here” and walk down, and everyone was fine lol But, I know not every bride is like me, so hence the nerves.
@HisIrishPrincess– The couple is close friends of both of ours, and were present from the day we met to our wedding, so I definitely don’t want to miss their wedding. My surgery is close to two months prior to their wedding, so I’ll be fine by then. The bach party just happens to be *the weekend* I’ll be in the hospital. The wedding is also taking place about 6 hours (or more with traffic since it’s a holiday weekend), so going separately won’t work either. The nearest airport is about two hours away, so even me flying down is inconvienent.
My husband doesn’t seem to care, but since this bride declared 2012 her and her fiance’s year, I feel like she’ll care, even though they skipped out on our rehearsal.
Post # 12
@teamajax13: Yes, I was the same way! Before I wrote this post, I was like wait was the groom in this wedding at our rehearsal? Who else didn’t come? lol I truly didn’t remember or cared really. The wedding is an evening wedding, so I assume they’ll be time to let him know where to go.
Post # 13
@Zusie: Yeah, this best man is a sweetheart but not the best planner in the world. He was like oh good you have surgery, your husband will be free to come. I was like yes, I wish that were the case and I wasn’t going to be a hot mess that weekend. lol The wedding party is also 9 or 10 people on each side, so I assume it’s a lot of schedules to coordinate.
Post # 14
We didn’t have a rehearsal. I made a diagram to tell people where to stand. They figured it out. It’s not rocket science.
I also missed a wedding rehearsal when I was a reader in a wedding. I couldn’t leave work early, and the rehearsal was at 4pm. (I was able to make the dinner, though.) I figured out when to get up and read my blurb. Again, it’s not rocket science.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I totally think missing the bach party is fine. As for the rehearsal, is it possible for him to go on ahead of you? Maybe you can get a one way flight to meet him. It’s important he is there if he can be, but if it is not possible, the bride adn groom have to understand. That’s the risk you run when you decide to have a Friday wedding. And, he’s not the best man, so his job is pretty self explanatory and easy for another groomsman to explain to him.
Post # 16
leebaby711 …. too funny!! Glad I’m wasn’t the only bride that did this!!