Post # 1
Hello fellow wedding bees! Well I’ve been agonizing over the last few days over my wedding plans and wanted to see what my fellow brides thought.
I had the big, traditional NY (NJ actually, his home state…) wedding planned for the last 2 years or so, to the tune of $37k (budget). I was recently laid off, and the thought of spending that kind of dough for what is essentially a big party, half full of people I’ve never met before, just didn’t sound so appealing to me. We decided to cancel that, and now we are in very serious re-planning stages of a destination wedding to Las Vegas. We were engaged there, and I’m not doing something tacky, it will be intimate and high end, 5 star rest. etc. The budget here has shrunk to about $12k, which to me is awesome! Now, the problem is his mom is flipping her lid over this. She is the type that likes everyone to feel included, and is really truly against us getting married there.
There was also the initial promise of them helping us financially, but now that is out the window since it’s not what they want. We have promised to renew our vows within a few months at a local church and have a small brunch or lunch for the family who cannot make it to the wedding in Las Vegas, so we are trying to make some form of a compromise.
Do you guys think that we should do what we want to do, and go with the Vegas wedding, or what?! I don’t like the idea of his parents coming begrudingly.
I have a very “fancy” Pronovias gown with cathedral veil and basically I cannot be wearing that in the East Village or something…A NY resturaunt wedding to me is out of the question…I just don’t want to feel like it’s simply another day I am traipsing around NYC in a gown and eating at a rest.
At least in Vegas it will feel a bit more “special.” Also I think the service there is a bit better; the town is just more suited to a small wedding, they do it all the time…So anyway, there are some of my reasons, but would love hear everyone else’s opinion! Thanks again!
Post # 3
I’m from Los Angeles and I have to say no matter where you get married in Vegas it’s still Vegas. It’s a big place for bachlor and bachlorette parties. It’s not the most romantic place, but you should do what your heart tells you. It’s really hot in the summer and the beginning of fall. Try for early Spring.
What about Puerto Rico?
Post # 4
I think that if you want a destination wedding you should go for it. Have you explained to his mom that it’ll be far more budget friendly (esp since you’ve been laid off)? I think regardless of what you do, in the end she’ll just want to see her son get married and she’ll be happy to be there.
You have to do what’s going to work for you and the mum’s just have to get over it. I know the kind of wedding we’re planning (garden ceremony, tea length wedding dress, BM’s in different dresses and colours – very casual and fun) is not the kind of wedding my FI’s mum would like for us to have. I know she’d prefer for us to have a bigger, more formal winery type wedding but that’s just not us. You have to do what you want to do cos at the end of the day, if you don’t you’ll regret it and you could end up resenting your Mother-In-Law for influencing your wedding day.
Hopefully your fella can have a chat to his mum and point out how you’ve tried to find a compromise. Goodluck!
Post # 5
Do what feels best for you. I think it’s a fine compromise having a destination wedding and then a more laidback celebration back home. His mother will probably come around – it’s you getting married, not her!
Post # 6
I definitely say go for the Destination Wedding. It’s your wedding, not your FMIL’s wedding. She will get over it. A party/reception in NJ would be a nice compromise.
I don’t know if you have your heart set on Vegas but Lake Tahoe is a really nice alternative. Still very easy to get married there (on the NV side) but not as cheesy and has some of the most gorgeous settings! http://www.beautifultahoeweddings.com/packagesandlocations_emeraldbay.html
Post # 7
If you’ve been laid off, would it be logical to spend all this money on a wedding only to make your mothers happy? Really? You two will need this money to pay food and rent and living expanses for a while… I think the mothers insisting to have it their way when you don’t have the means, this is selfish and unconsiderate.
It’s your day, do what will make you both feel good and comfortable. 🙂
Post # 8
Have the Destination Wedding. It sounds like you have more than enough well-thought out reasons for wanting to have your wedding this way. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR wedding and you should be able to feel good about your plans, not go into crazy debt and be miserable because its not what you want.
Post # 9
It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind and you really just need to deal with the Future Mother-In-Law. We were in somewhat simliar shoes – We got up to $27k and we weren’t even done planning yet. Thats when I pulled the cord. I always wanted a church wedding in my hometown, but I also want a house 🙂
Good luck talking with your Future Mother-In-Law (I mean that in a non-sarcastic tone). Make sure your Fiance is on board and talk to her together. She has to understand reason (money being tight)….and if she doesnt then she can pay for it all minus the ~$12k you would’ve spent on the Destination Wedding anyway 🙂
Post # 10
Destination Wedding is the way to go, I think, in a situation like this.
Post # 11
Unless they want to foot your bills and pay for the wedding in full, i find it really insensitive for your family members to be upset for you for wanting to save money during a time where money could be tight for a while. Go with your gut!
Post # 12
Its not selfish if youre doing it for budget reasons!! Dont let anyone make you think that either…
Post # 13
Go to Vegas and have fun! Please don’t feel selfish or guilty! 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna
Whether your doing it for budget reasons or not you have to be true to yourself. Its like my Fiance and our family keep reminding me; I don’t want to look back 5 years from now and wonder what could have been.
Go to Vegas. Don’t worry about it being “tacky”. (I hate that word.) Tacky is relative to the person and as long as you love it forget what others say. I am wearing flipflops under my couture dress. Don’t care if its tacky or not, its 100% me and I will be SOOOO comfy.
Post # 15
If you want to have a Destination Wedding, have a Destination Wedding. I am getting married in Vegas in 3 months from today……and I am happy with my decision. Originally in was just going to be the 2 of us, but my dad asked to walk me down the isle, so we decided to let them go just so he can do that. They were then trying to get me to let other people come & I did put my foot and said no. We wanted our wedding to be very intimate, between the 2 of us. So do what your heart tells you to do & don’t worry about the rest. It will all work out in the end!
Post # 16
I agree with the other posters!! Do what you want and what will make your wedding special, everyone else will understand!