Post # 1
Here is a bit of the backstory: I have three older brothers, they are all married and have kids. I wanted all the kids to be in my wedding (except the babies). One brother (lets call him brother B) is not talking to my Mom and has informed me that his kids won’t be at my wedding. That leaves me with Brother A and Brother C’s kids.
Brother A’s wife (SIL A) emailed me a few weeks before my bridal shower and pressured me into letting her and SIL C choose some Flower Girl dresses, show them to me at the shower and let me pick my favorite. I wasn’t a huge fan of this b/c I didn’t like some of her earlier suggestions for Flower Girl dresses. But, as I said, she pressured me into it and I was pretty busy at the time and welcomed the help and figured I’d like at least 1 of the dresses they choose.
At the shower, she said she hadn’t found any dresses yet but that she’d be in touch with me about it. I said that was fine and that I was glad I didn’t have to shop for them.
A week later she sent me a message on FB that she had found the dress and ordered 3 of them (1 for each FG). Um, WHAT?!?! I responded and said that I’d love to see them and could she send me a link. I got no response.
My Mom talked to SIL C a few days ago and she said that the dresses came in.
I e-mailed SIL A again today to ask for a link and I haven’t heard anything yet.
Part of the reason I want the link is b/c I’d like to send it to Brother B in a “just in case you change your mind” e-mail.
Am I being unreasonable?!?
Post # 3
That’s not cool. You should get to at least SEE the dresses, if not pick them out yourself. I think it’s werid she hasn’t responded, too…. Hmmm. Hope it works out for the best.
Post # 4
She did this behind your back and you think you’re being unreasonable?
Uhh. Call her and tell her you want to see the dresses as soon as possible, as she chose them without your knowledge and they may need to be returned (if possible) or another may need to be ordered–it’s YOUR wedding! Just approach it calmly.
Post # 5
WTF? You’re being very cool about this. I can’t believe she just did that.
Post # 6
I don’t really have advice to offer here, but you are definitely not being unreasonable. I would be extremely unhappy if I couldn’t see the flower girl dresses before the day they’re actually going to wear them.
Post # 7
WHOAAA. You’ve got a cooler head than me. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all and I can’t believe she ORDERED the Flower Girl dresses without even showing you!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2009 - Ralston Hall Mansion
I can’t think of any circumstances under which it would be unreasonable for the bride to want to see the flower girl dresses before the day of her wedding. If you don’t think you can get an answer out of SIL A, what about SIL C? Has she seen the dresses yet? Or maybe you can ask your mom to get the information from one or the other of them?
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
Wow…I would be freaking out over this one. You are definitely not being unreasonable! Not one bit! It is your wedding, and they are a part of your wedding party…it is important what they are wearing! Gosh, I hope that they go along with your colors and such! Oh, I’d be having such a heart attack. I’d be calling her to ask her to see the dresses immediately so that you can make sure they work with the overall wedding colors/scheme/etc, so that you can get new ones in case they don’t work!!!
Post # 10
Thanks, I wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable b/c it’s their kids and their money but yes, it is my wedding!!
As for the color, we agreed that they would wear white, so that should be fine. (I hope!)
Tomorrow my Mom is watching SIL C’s kids so she is going to ask her if she has seen the dresses or has one that she can show us. SIL A and Mom don’t get along so Mom can’t get info from her.
Post # 11
Look email her/call her AND your brother AND your mother and be like look I need to see the dress otherwise they wont be in the wedding, simple.
Post # 12
heheeh, i thought Flower Girl meant f*****g but now i know it means Flower Girl
you have every right to see the dresses, quit emailing her and phone her. yikes…
Post # 13
It’s not cool for them to order the dresses, without you checking them out first. In a perfect world, I’d be going off on them. But some of that depends on how much you want to rock the boat. Do the SILs have good taste? Htey obivously want their daughters to look adorable. So I’m thinking it will probably turn out OK. But yeah, it really would be best for you to be able to see them. Htey haven’t listened to you so far. What’s to think they kept your theme in mind when they purchased these dresses?
Maybe you can say that you need to see the dresses ASAP, in order to see if they’ll go with the theme. And if not she’ll have time to get something else. Canyou go to their homes to see the dresses? Would it be best to talk to your brothers?
Post # 14
yikes! I think to have been proactive about this (i.e. pick out a dress yourself) probably would have been a better way to go in this situation…but if you’re not terribly picky, then hopefully it won’t be too bad. Did you give any suggestions at all? poufy, princess, sequins, cotton, plain?
You definitely deserve to see them asap!
Post # 15
oh, I definitely would have freaked out. I think as the bride you deserve input or at the very least a heads up – the flower girls are often the last thing before you in the procesional and I don’t think that’s the moment you want to be thinking about how your SILs screwed you over. at least if you find out earlier you can try to get past it, if anything went wrong.
Post # 16
That is TOTALLY totally uncool!
I was shopping with my maid-of-honor and her daughter is going to be my flower girl. Well turns out the little girl is also going to be Flower Girl in my Maid/Matron of Honor sister’s wedding 3 weeks before. We both want ivory dresses so we were going to choose one that would work for both. All along I had wanted a simple dress with a sash around it that would coordinate with the bridesmaid dresses. We were going to get a sash for each wedding’s color. We were torn between two we really liked (online). She went to a store to look at it in person (she lives on the other side of the state) and ended up finding and buying a totally different dress. All ivory dress with a bow on the back that wouldn’t work with the sash that I really wanted. So, I hate to admit I was pretty disappointed. But the dress was off the rack and on sale (vs. a much more expensive dress that needed to be special ordered). She knew I didn’t ‘love’ the dress, but I ended up telling her to keep it because it was pretty and a good deal and she loves it. In the scheme of things figured what does a sash matter? AND there is the fact that they are flying down to Aruba, so if she can save $$ I need to be happy.
My point is I remember how disappointed I was at something so small and can’t IMAGINE how upset I’d be if someone just chose a component of my wedding without getting my input. That is way out of line. But I can imagine being torn because you probably don’t want to start a big tiff with soon to be family members. I feel for you!
by the way — I’m new to this and it also took me a minute to figure out Flower Girl means Flower Girl! I thought the same thing and was wondering what kind of board is this? =)