(Closed) Is it unreasonable to want to pick out your own engagement ring??

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LabDarling:  We never looked at rings in person.

I showed my Fiance the exact ring that I wanted via an online link.  He bought it.  He did not want to mess up with the selection, and I was fine with selecting something that is me.  He probably would never have gone for a band (I did not want a solitaire).   Win-win!

 

The entire proposal was out of this world awesome and a huge surprise, even though we planned on getting engaged last spring.  I just had no idea how, when, where or anything.  It was the first time I saw the ring in person as well!

Post # 18
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It’s not unreasonable at all. I picked out my own ring. We went to the jewelry store together one day to look at different styles, and I totally fell in love with one, so we bought it then and there. SO told me later that if he had chosen it on his own, he would have just gotten me a solitaire (he is a minimalist when it comes to jewelry), which I definitely didn’t want. You’re going to wear it forever, so it should be something you like. Chances are if you talk to your guy about it, he’ll understand. If nothing else, maybe you can show him styles you definitely do/don’t like, to at least give him a little guidance. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 19
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

Everything was a surprise for me. The propsal, the ring, I had nothing to do with any of it and it was perfect for me. My Fiance later told me he was glad I was so easy going about it all, and that he had a lot of fun looking at bands and trying to find the one he thought I would love. 

I didn’t really even care about the ring, just the man putting it on my finger ๐Ÿ™‚

I would say just give him some ideas of what you like, and what you hate, but let him choose the actual ring himself.

Post # 20
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I believe if your SO knows you he should be able to pick out something that you would love. We didn’t go shopping together as Fiance wanted to the proposal to be complete surprise. 

Post # 21
Member
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I spent two years waiting. So I had plenty of time to look online and figure out what I liked. He was car shopping at the time, so every time he showed me a car he wanted I would show him a picture of the ring I wanted. I never went to the store to try things on, but I think its a good idea if you have no idea what you like. I knew I wanted a solitaire because thats what my mom has, and once I discovered asschers it was a done deal. I’m kind of glad he went on his own because last time we picked out a ring together (this is a long story, but he proposed the first day we met and this ring was to replace the ring he gave me when he proposed because it turned my finger green. It wasn’t really an engagement ring and I was in HS) the jeweler told me his price range even though he had told the jeweler in secret. And that was awkward. I wouldn’t want to know what the setting and diamond cost before the proposal. Plus he got me something worth way more than I would have let him spend if I had been with him.

Post # 22
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

I think its fine but you should ask how much is he considering on spending so you have a reference of whats within your means then go from there.

Post # 23
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It’s not unreasonable. If you have talked about getting married then of course you know he’s going to be looking at rings. How does knowing what it looks like change the surprise of the proposal if you’ve already discussed marriage and know he is going to propose at some point?

My FH and I designed my ering together. We discussed what I liked and didn’t like but he was much happier having me involved so I got what I loved. I have an unusual stone so we picked that out and then designed the ring around it. I even knew that he had picked it up from the jewelers but did not see the finished ring until he proposed which was still a complete surprise as to when and where.

Post # 24
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I narrowed down his options for him to three I really looked, and then let him decide.  I thought it was a win win, because then I didn’t have to make the big decision!

Post # 25
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not unreasonable – I picked mine out, but Fiance wouldn’t propose unless I did. We went shopping together and both love the ring we chose, but it really was 100% my choice. just talk to him. Some guys aren’t about doing it that way, but you could at least do a bit of shopping to show him what you like/don’t like! Good luck!

Post # 26
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

What is appropriate and acceptable is all relative to the couple and their dynamic. My Bf and I have a very open line of communication (as in, we tell each other every last detail of our lives) so when I knew I wanted to have a say in my e-ring, it only made sense that I would tell him. He didn’t seem to mind. He just wanted it to be a surprise when it was going to happen and how he would propose.

Post # 27
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think it is. It’s gonna be on your finger, I think if you want a say in it, you should have a say in it.

I assume you guys have already talked about marriage and proposal/rings?

While I understand the argument from some who say that it’s a gift from someone and you should not be picky and be happy with whatever, but if someone gets you a gift you don’t like, you’re not gonna wear it or use it. In this case, it happens to be a very expensive (for most) piece of jewelry that you will wear on YOUR hand. If you know your the picky type who wants to make sure it’s a ring you love, then let him know how you feel. Or give him a picture and say, FYI: “I would love something like this on my finger, with whatever center stone size you want to get as as not to demolish your bank account, but I’d love something that would be in the (blank) carat range.” Let him know if carat size or quality is more important. Honestly, just be honest about it. Let him know you don’t want him to spend a ton of money on a ring you might not like. Just stress the fact that you want his dollars to go well spent with no fear of ring regret. I think any great, understandable guy will understand this. You’re not being rude.

When my boyfriend proposes, we’ve agreed it will be with a promise ring that he picks out on his own. This way, he still gets his proposal to do whenever he wants (hopefully soon! Wink) while I continue my journey of ring shopping and finding out exactly what I want in my e-ring. In my case, my bf suggested on his own to pick the ring I like or design I want because he said he wants to make sure it’s something I absolutely love. He’s too good to me. Though I know he wouldn’t have minded if I told him I wanted a say. 

Post # 28
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think it is unreasonable. Fiance and I have been together for awhile (7 years) so we are pretty open with each other about all things wedding. I wanted to go ring shopping and let him know and now I have the most beautiful ring that I absolutely love. I am happy that I have a ring that I wont want to change/upgrade and he is happy that he got me a ring that I adore. Another thing is that he already knows how picky I am and probably would have preferred that I pick my own ring out anyway. I am glad I picked my engagement ring.

Post # 29
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My DH refused to let me in on the shopping. He did it secretly, so I really had no say. I would try to pull him into stores to show him rings for years, but he would refuse to look. He picked the perfect engagement ring. So trust your man to know what you love.

Post # 30
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

I didn’t pick my ring out since we were just having a stone re-set, but I did tell him that I wanted a white gold Tiffany setting, and that’s what I got.  I actually offered to chip in so we could get a bigger stone, but he wanted it to be his thing, so I dropped it.   

Post # 31
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I picked out my own rings!  The only problem my Fiance had with it was that he actually wanted to buy me a more expensive diamond set.  He wanted me to have nothing but the best and the set I picked out was a lot cheaper, so I had to reassure him a lot that the set I picked out was the one I really WANTED, but other than that, it was all good! ๐Ÿ˜€

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