(Closed) Is it unreasonable to want to pick out your own engagement ring??

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 32
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Fiance and I also discussed (in addition to me picking out my ring) what we feel was a good price range to spend on an engagement ring.  Being very frugal people who want to retire early, I guess naturally there was a cap on the price that we both happen to agree. 

Post # 33
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I personally wanted to be involved, my man is not one with the fine jewels, I also wanted him to have the final say. We decided that i should pick a couple rings I loved and he would pick from my list. I still get suprised and a ring I love. and he still gets to make the final call and propose on his terms, for us the perfect thing.


On that note I have encountered many many many women who think I am crazy actually more women are againist it in my life than for it but for us it worked and thats what matters!


Post # 34
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I dont think it’s unreasonable at all. In fact, I think most women do. I didnt and the only stipulation I get Fiance was that I liked white gold just in case by any weird chance he got me yellow gold. Even though I wear only silver and white gold, I had to remind him. Other than that – I wanted to be his chossing. I was hoping he would get me two cuts that I didnt like but it turns out I LOVE the diamond and setting he chose.

Post # 35
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My Fiance took me with him shopping a couple times. He got an idea of what I liked and then rolled with it. I had 100% faith in him…plus I really wanted it to be a surprise! I ended up with a ring even more amazing than I think I would have ever picked out. It worked out great for me! 

Post # 36
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you could give him a few suggestions but I personaly am a strong believer is that your ring is gift from and therefore he has the final say.  If you’re really conserned then just talk to him.

Post # 37
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ask him if he wants to go browse with you first so he can see what styles that you like. Then trust him to know what you like and pick something that will be perfect for you.  My fI and I went looking together first and he knew what I loved and the guy even wrote down the numbers for him. I pretty much knew that it would be the one since I loved this one so much but he ultimately went and chose it for me. Good luck and hope you get the ring of your dreams.

Post # 38
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Since the guy pays, it’s up to the guy. If your bf is happy for you to choose, then choose. If he wants to choose, then you should respect that. So talk to him about it, maybe he’ll be happy for you to choose.

My story: Fiance proposed without a ring and then we chose one together. But it was his idea to do it that way.

Post # 39
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nope, I did! Fiance said he couldn’t have on his own.

Post # 40
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We designed it together. Picked the stone together.

Post # 41
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@LabDarling:  Talk to him about it. Just like I don’t think women these days should wait to discuss marriage until a guy is ready to propose, I think that if you have a preference for the e-ring, TALK TO HIM about it.

If anything, it’ll make the process easier because there are so many options. I’d suggest getting an idea of what you like (stone shape, approx. size if you don’t want anything too big or too small, whether you want a diamond or some other stone, types of settings you like, etc.). Then show him pictures. If you want even more control, ask to go shopping together to get an idea. If you want EVEN more control, you can be there when he buys the ring. It all depends what he is comfortable with.

I’m in a bit of a unique situation. I’m very Type A and am picking my ring entirely. There isn’t anything wrong w. his taste, but I feel like if I’m going to wear it forever I want some say in it, and he’s fine w. that. Yeah I am spoiling the proposal, but I am not really a romantic proposal kinda girl. We’re eloping as well. We’re talking about buying a pretty expensive ring, so I’d be very upset if he spent all that $$ on something I didn’t like. I’ve become pretty obsessed w. rings and studying diamonds etc. but this is important to me.

But anyway, the only way to know is to ask him. There are so many ladies on here who post things about not liking their ring, how should they tell their fiance etc. I want to avoid that. If you leave it entirely up to him then maybe it is best to be quiet and wear it proudly since you didn’t make any suggestions to him. If you want some control, let him know.

Sorry for the long post!! I am a bit ring obsessed lately haha…

ETA: It may be ‘his’ money now, but it’ll be ‘your’ money as a couple soon enough. Obviously how much he spends on it now impacts your future as a couple. I don’t buy the idea that just because he’s paying for it now, he should choose it. Really it all ends up coming out of the same pot anyway.

Post # 42
3 posts

You can create a wish list on the website of a local jewelry store, select four or five rings that you like with various prices and designs. Let your Fiance know that you have the wish list set up, in that way he will have access to it and you will still be surprise when he get you one of the rings of your wish list; also he will not feel restricted because he will have options. Also he might just see your ideas and run with it and not get you what is on yor wish list instead get you something similar to your you picked but he can add his personal touch to it.

Post # 43
2835 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I ended up picking my ering by myself but originally Fiance and I shopped together prior to the proposal.  We quickly realized we had very, very, different ideas about what I should wear.  So after 4 months he proposed with a placeholder ring.  I really think if you two are talking about marriage than that’s a good time to explain that since you don’t wear jewelry you’d like to go shopping with him so you both know what looks good.  That you and him get to see what makes your face light up the most.

Post # 44
5486 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It is not unreasonable at all.  An e-ring is a huge expense and a lifetime committment; so if your Fiance doesn’t want to waste his money or cause issues between you two, then make it known that you want to choose your own ring. 

Some guys insist on picking it out themselves, and if yours is, then do some serious hinting as to what you like.  The last thing you want to be is disappointed at one of the most important moments of your life. 

Post # 45
147 posts
Blushing bee

A friend of mine was gutted when she received an e-ring she disliked – a pink sapphire, instead of the diamond solitaire she wanted. Apparently his younger sister picked it because it reminded her of the one J-Lo had a few years ago.

She told her Fiance she couldn’t wear a stone at work in case she caught it on something (which wasn’t true), so she bought a plain silver band which she wore on weekdays. She wore the pink ring for his benefit at weekends, but she usually turned the pink stone round towards her palm so people couldn’t see it. When he noticed, she said it was slightly too big so it kept spinning round.

It was quite an expensive ring and a complete waste of money because she didn’t want it. For the same price he could have bought her a ring she loved. Whenever they argued she’d grumble to friends about how he didn’t even give her a decent e-ring, so it clearly rankled. She got married this summer and was relieved to be able to choose a diamond wedding band and never wear the pink ring again. If your Fiance is similarly clueless, I’d say it’s much better to pick your own ring instead of being disappointed and wasting money.

Post # 46
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@LabDarling:  You could pick a few out, then let him make the final decision. That’s what I did, basically.

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