Is it up to us to invite inlaws over?

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

This seems like it could be fixed with five minutes of communication.

It’s nice that your mother is being considerate of your new marriage and making sure not to demand too much of your time. Next time it comes up, just tell her that she doesn’t have to take it quite so far. Give a specific number: “We’d be happy to see you every week/every two weeks/whatever, so don’t feel like you have to leave us alone all the time!”

Similarly, next time the conversation comes up with your inlaws, and your father-in-law says that you can go over any night, DH should follow up right then and there to schedule a specific night. Done.

Post # 3
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with pp.  Also, proclaiming “It’s not fair!” Does nothing to boost your credibility that you are in fact an adult.  

They are probably just being considerate of you getting settled into new life.  In fact your mom even said as much.  So did you say anything after to correct her of this notion?  I mean, this is easily settled by a short conversation.  “Hey, we appreciate the space but it isn’t necessary. Just cause we’re married doesn’t mean we don’t like spending time with you.  We miss hanging out with you guys and being included.”

Post # 5
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My parents live on the other side of the country so we visit once a year and vice versa… His mom lives 20 min away and I invite myself over a few times a month (by myself)… He never wants to go and her house is nicer plus my dog loves playing with her 4 dogs… They are family so IMO you don’t need an invitation, just call first.

Post # 6
Member
6624 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

beeee2017 :  So after your latest update, this doesn’t sound like a real problem after all. You see your mom every day at lunch time PLUS another one or two times a week. That is PLENTY. If she complains that this isn’t enough, she’s nuts. Can you give more details about the “1-2x a week beyond that” though? What kind of visits are these and who is doing the inviting?

Regarding your husband’s family, it’s not your place to fix or change his relationship with his parents. If they start being pissy with you because they think you’re keeping him from them, then I would address that with your husband. But otherwise, if he doesn’t want to see them that often I wouldn’t push it or feel bad about it. 

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